Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: You know, when Ed Wood saw this, it was like when Truffaut saw Citizen Kane.

Sue: Ever since I first met Larry, I haven't wanted to date anyone else. Mike: Except Dwight Eisenhower.

Mike: (as a radio announcer gives race results) Sounds like FDR's announcing the eighth at Aqueduct.

Crow: (during the chase scene) This movie needs another big bowl of fresh Peaches.

Crow: I don't think I could ever date a woman who could bench press me.

Tom: (as the marquee is shown) Congratulations, Clara and Rita, on your wedding.

Crow: (as Peaches does rowing) I'm being turned on by a woman who is long dead.

Peaches: He wants me to be his girl. Tom: I am a girl, aren't I?

(during the Leopard Lady/Panther Woman match) Mike: You have to wonder what the rejected footage looked like. Crow: What rejected footage?

Mike: (during a wrestling training scene) This is all for the First Lady's medal in physical fitness.

Mike: (as Monk smokes outside) Even the mob obeys the Clean Air Act.

Tom: (as Peaches works out) This movie is refreshingly itself.

Tom: (as Peaches does roadwork) Yes, it's the annual running of the breasts.

Tom: (as Peaches undresses) I believe this is not gratuitous!

Scali: How about showing you the gym? You're going to be spending most of your time there anyway. Peaches: That's a good idea. Mike: Peaches, you're the good idea!

(as the scene abruptly changes from Scali's office to the gym where women wrestlers are working out) Crow: Is this me in my head trying to cope with this movie, or is this actually happening on the screen? Mike: No, I-I-I'm seeing it too. Tom: Me too, this would turn k.d. lang hetero!

Joe: Is Peaches your real name? Peaches: Why, yes. Crow: Is 4'9" your real height?

Crow: (during the opening scene of a women's wrestling match) I knew if baseball went on strike, other sports would take over.

Larry: Now do you think we have anything more than boiiing? Crow: Never make light of boiiing, son. Tom: Boiiing, everybody! Mike: Boiiings all around.

Larry: Do we know each other's peculiarities? Crow: I like to sleep with my head in a catcher's mitt.

Dr. Hill: (referring to a rubber band) A love appeal that hits you sort of.... boiiing! Mike: You saw my boing?

Dr. Hill: I had a chum in college who had the real thing with eight successive girls. Tom: Wilt Chamberlain?

Larry: They cant stop me! Mike: I'm Mighty Boy!

Mike: (about the title of the short) Yeah, I'm sick of sex anyway.

Mike: Her bra's about as sexy as a concrete abutment.

Mike: This director has out Ed-Wooded Ed Wood!

Crow: (as Peaches works out) Those of you who have never associated sexuality with your great-aunt: here it is!