Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: (as Samson turns his car down a road) Ah, thank goodness, a wrestle stop.

Tom: Maybe if Cortez had never conquered Montezuma, we would not have had to watch this movie.

Mike, Tom & Crow: (to the 'Speed Racer' theme) Go El Santo, go El Santo, go El Santo, go!

Tom: (as Samson arrives to fight the vampires) Turns out it's not Samson, it's just a very flamboyant CPA.

(Torgo comes for Frank) Frank: Hey, they fixed your knees, huh? Torgo: There are no bum knees in my world, child. Frank: And how about your voice? Torgo: What about my voice?

Crow: (as Diana brushes her hair at her vanity) It's BUtterfield Ocho.

Prof. Roloff: (reading from the scroll) On her left shoulder, she will carry the figure of a vampire, the unmistakable sign of her tragic destiny. Crow: Her tragic destiny was announced by her parents of Red Wing, Minnesota.

Mike: (singing) See the Mexico, in your Chevrole...

Mike: If a wrestler falls in the forest and there's no one to hear it, does it count as a fall?

(during the first wrestling match) Crow: You know, it actually looks fun! Mike: Says you!

(as a backbreaker is delivered) Crow: Ow! Ooh, that hurt me!

Tandra: (to Thorina) You order, and I obey, sovereign. Crow: You're damn straight!

Charlie: Her escort was kidnapped. Mike: They kidnapped her car?

Crow: (during the first fight) It's the undead recruits of the WWF.

Tom: (seeing a couple walking) Ah, the entire Mexican middle class, ladies and gentlemen.

Mike: (describing Thorina) She has combination skin; one part is fetted and one part is rotted.

Mike: (as someone screams) Someone taped over Seinfeld!

Thorina: Let them drink. Our sisters are impatient. Crow: You think drinking will help?

(during the piano playing scene) Tom: (describing Prof. Roloff) The Mexican Larry Tate. Crow: El Stevens!

Tandra: Celine, hear my cry! Crow: V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Crow: All right Marines, grab your socks and drop your... socks!