Lupita: (waking up from her dream) Mama! Mama! Mike: I had the 'Nam dream!
Boy: (writing to Santa) I don't like... Crow: You. Boy: To be alone. Crow: Oh.
Narrator: Even Russia has a delegation. Crow: Currently under surveillance by the CIA.
Narrator: Japan also helps Santa. Mike: By investing in his toy making corporation, they now own Santa lock, stock and barrel.
Frank: 30 years? 25 bucks? And I shaved my head for you? Dr. Forrester: Well, you didn't have to, baldy! Frank: My hair! My beautiful head of TV's Frank hair! (cries) Dr. Forrester: Your movie today, Mark, is called Santa Claus. It's a thoughtful, well-shot documentary about the Crimean War. Frank: It's a stupid Mexican kids movie!
Crow: (as Pitch takes a deep breath) Oh, I saw his ribs! Ick!
(Santa stares at the dome) Crow: Santa. Tom: Ah. Crow: Santa! Tom: Yo. Crow: Hey, Kringle, snap out of it! Jeez! Whoa!
(Santa and the kids see the little boy dream about his parents) Pedro: Don't they love him? Santa: Maybe they do... and maybe they don't. Crow: Ah jeez, he's waffling!
Tom: (describing Pitch) Jamie Farr!
Crow: (during the movie title sequence) It's a free trade Christmas.
Mike: (describing Lupita's doll) It's a Rue McClanahan doll!
Narrator: The flower to disappear has fallen right into Lupita's house. Crow: Just take my word on this! It really happened!
(Pedro pushes Merlin into the room) Crow: Ever since Walter Brennan went camp, it's been all downhill!
(Pedro enters, but then leaves the room) Mike: I'm in control now, right after wee-wees.
Crow: (about Lupita's big doll) Wow, that's not a doll, that's a sister!
(Pitch is sitting on a man's headboard) Crow: (singing) Does the devil lose his flavor on the bedpost overnight?
Crow: (describing the nervous husband) El Don Knottso.
Narrator: Let us hope the flower to disappear doesn't fall into bad hands. Crow: Like Jose Canseco's?
(Pitch blows on a doorknob to make it hot) Mike: What is this, Home Alone 3: The Quickening?
Tom: (regarding soot on Pitch's face) Hey, Pitch black!
Crow: (about Santa's cloud castle) So Mike, is this St. Cloud?
(the kids just loaded the sleigh) Crow: Every year we gotta sing the fruity sendoff song...no wonder the elves quit!
(Pedro tells Santa to remember his book with the children's names) Santa: (to Pedro) I know every single child on Earth. Crow: Isn't that right, Pueblo...Paco...whatever.
(Santa gets tons of letters) Crow: I'm more popular than Jesus!
(two kids put letter into a mailbox) Mike: I'm tellin' ya, Pepe, these Comedy Central contests are a waste of time.
Santa: The only thing this child wants...: Tom: (imitating FDR) Is fear itself!
(Lupita dreams about large boxes in a row) Mike: Pick your refrigerator, Lupita!
(Santa and the kids are watching Earth kids' dreams) Crow: So where's Mrs. Claus? Tom: She winters in Lauderdale.
Crow: (first seeing the department store Santa) Whoa, now this is good old-fashioned nightmare fuel!
Mike: (viewing the demons dance) Oh, I suppose Hell got an NEA grant.
Tom: (describing Lupita) She is aggressively cute.
Crow: (describing Pitch) Clark Gable in Hell.
Mike: (viewing Santa's workshop) I just want to know one thing: when are Donny and Marie coming through the door?
Mike: You know, if seasonal holiday depression has a soundtrack, this is it.
(Santa arranges a toy manger scene) Crow: Action Jesus. Manger sold separately.
Mike: (seeing the movie's title) I saw Mommy killing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last murder!
(Mike and the 'bots have just been burned while caroling) Magic Voice: We'll be right back, I think. Noel.
This episode is on Disc Three of Mystery Science Theater 3000 XVI, the fourth DVD set distributed by Shout! Factory. Extras include the movie's original trailer, a gallery of still shots, a short called 'Santa Claus Conquers The Devil,' and a trailer for a documentary about K. Gordon Murray, who brought movies from Mexico including Santa Claus and Samson Vs. The Vampire Women.
Kevin Murphy played Santa Claus in the last host segment, but he was credited as 'Krusher Kringle'.
The music to the Christmas song played over the closing credits.
St. Cloud: When Santa's cloud castle is seen, Crow asks, 'So Mike, is this St. Cloud?' It refers to a city in Minnesota.
Donny and Marie: Mike says "When are Donny and Marie coming through the door?" The Osmonds family singing group was known for being syrupy-sweet "nice", especially the youngest two siblings: Donny and Marie Osmond. They even had their own variety show (and a later talk show after MST3k stopped airing).
More popular than Jesus: Crow says "I'm more popular than Jesus!", making reference to the infamous statement by Beatle John Lennon that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus.
S 10 : Ep 10
Aired 7/25/99 (1:30:27)
S 10 : Ep 8
Aired 6/27/99
S 10 : Ep 7
Aired 6/20/99 (1:33:00)
S 10 : Ep 4
Aired 5/2/99 (1:32:00)
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