Mystery Science Theater 3000

Season 3 Episode 21

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Aired Unknown Dec 21, 1991 on Comedy Central
out of 10
User Rating
47 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Movie Plot: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Santa is abducted by Martians to bring joy to Mars. Intro: The 'bots make their Christmas lists. Segment One: Dr Forrester and TV's Frank present the Wish Squisher. Joel and the 'bots present their own misfit toys Segment Two: The crew performs "A Patrick Swayze Christmas" Segment Three: Joel looks through his Christmas movie collection. Segment Four: Joel and the 'bots read their christmas essays with horrible results until Gypsy gives hers. Segment Five: Joel gives the 'bots presents. Frank pawns Dr. Forrester's Rolex to buy him a watchband. Stinger:moreless

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  • No, that's the Children's Television Workshop!


    When the children of Mars become depressed and dismal, there's only one thing to do! From 1964, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, full of "breath taking" special effects, plus horrible acting coupled with a freeze ray gun that's really just a Whamo toy painted silver, and STRANGE serial scenes like this! And if all that's not enough, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians also has a young Pia Zadora in her film debut as Girmar, the girl martian.

    Ay, I've heard of this flick before, but I never seen it because I learned it was awful (I mean Santa Claus getting kidnapped by aliens?), so when I learned it got a spanking by Joel & the Bots, I quickly looked forward to seeing it. End results? Solid. The opening credits had me in stitches (Tom wonders if the title of the movie is Santa Claus Conquers the Martians or Road House), and the crew had fun with the martians and the toy banaza bit. But, for some reason I don't remember a lot of jokes even though I remember laughing smoothly. The best part were the host segments, with memorable skits like the gifts ideas, Crow's gift is Road House The Game, and the Patrick Swayze Christmas song. This is a fan favorite and it's one worth checking out.

  • Christmas is in danger after aliens kidnap Santa. No, really. Aliens kidnap Santa. Well, it beats the Yule Log...

    Santa Claus is preparing for his umpteenth trip around the planet to bestow presents on good and deserving children, when he runs into a little trouble.

    Apparently he is the object of curiosity not only for people on this planet, but also for youngsters elsewhere. Two green Martian kids stake out the North Pole with a giant telescope and determine that jolly old Saint Nick must be brought to their world.

    The story is as incoherent as you'd expect, with bad writing and bad acting to top if off. The costumes and set design are just garish. Joel and the 'Bots riff away, somehow managing to make it all bearable.

    If this is Christmas, bring me New Year's.moreless
  • I haven't seen many episodes of MST3K, but I think this one is definitely the funniest.

    "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is definitely my favorite episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Yes, I like it even more than "Manos."

    Everything is in fine form: Crow is his usual cynical self, the film is as horrible as ever, and the jokes are spot-on and hilarious. Who can forget such classic MST3K lines as "So what's in the pipe, Santa?", "We can still make it to happy hour!", and one of my personal favorites, this exchange between Tom Servo and Crow:

    "So, Crow, what do you want for Christmas?"

    "I wanna decide who lives and who dies!"

    But easily the best part of this episode is the song "A Patrick Swayze Christmas." I can watch this scene innumerable times and still laugh.

    Altogether, this is a classic Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode.moreless
Alexandra Carr

Alexandra Carr

Magic Voice [2-3]

Frank Conniff

Frank Conniff

TV's Frank [2-6]

Jim Mallon

Jim Mallon

Gypsy [1-8]

Joel Hodgson

Joel Hodgson

Joel Robinson [0-5]

Kevin Murphy

Kevin Murphy

Tom Servo [2-10], Professor Bobo [8-10] & Cambot

Trace Beaulieu

Trace Beaulieu

Crow T. Robot [0-7] & Dr. Clayton Forrester [0-7]

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (3)

    • Crow writes his own Christmas carol 'Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas', convincing Joel and Tom to sing along with him.  After the song is over Joel takes Crow aside to reprimand the bot for his rather gruff song.

    • During the entire episode, Crow has a red nose a la Rudolph and Tom's dome is a snow globe.

    • In the opening credits of SCCM, they misspell costume and say "custume design". Crow points this out.

  • QUOTES (13)

  • NOTES (1)


    • Tom: Go play with your Golden Globe award...that we bought for you.

      This joke line said by Tom(as Momar to Girmar) is a reference to the 1982 Golden Globe that Pia Zadora, who played Girmar, won for "New Star of the Year in a Motion Picture" for Butterfly. There is a great deal of controversy concerning this win: firstly, it was not Pia Zadora's first movie(this film was made 18 years earlier); Secondly, it is argued that the award was "bought" for her. Zadora's husband at the time, Meshulam Riklis, gave an expensive party and luncheon to voting members before they had voted; Thirdly, the movie was not technically released in time for Zadora to be eligible that year.

      All of this may not have been as much of a problem, if she had produced a good performance. However, the performance gained Ms. Zadora the 1982 Razzie Award for "Worst Actress". These types of reviews combined with the genuine talent she "beat", such as Kathleen Turner for Body Heat, have led it to be generally accepted that it was not a fair competition.

    • Rosebud:
      When we see a very cheesy circular image of the North Pole with snow falling, Tom, Crow, and Joel croak out "Rosebud...Rosebud..." as a reference to Charles Foster Kane's last words (and sled!) in the classic movie Citizen Kane.

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