Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Season 9

Comedy Central (ended 1999)




Episode Guide

  • Quest of the Delta Knights
    Pearl riffs in the theater over a tale of medieval heroes looking for futuristic treasures.
  • The Screaming Skull
    The Screaming Skull
    Episode 12
    A schlock-horror movie where a man tries to scare his wealthy wife to death, plus a Gumby short which traumatized the 'bots.
  • Devil Fish
    Devil Fish
    Episode 11
    Lots of Italians pretending to be Floridians fight a mutated shark/octopus while Pearl makes the castle into a cruise ship.
  • The Final Sacrifice
    The Final Sacrifice
    Episode 10
    A kid and a drifter fend off a cult and find a lost city in Western Canada.
  • Gorgo
    Episode 9

    The British version of a Godzilla film is presented by Leonard Maltin.

  • The Touch of Satan
    The Touch of Satan
    Episode 8
    While Bobo and Observer have a babysitter, the crew watches a man drawn in to help a witch and Tom's grandma trying to kill Mike.
  • Hobgoblins
    Episode 7

    When the crew jumps on Pearl's new couch, she sends them the worst movie she can find as punishment. Crow tries to advise men on how to treat women and starts a hotline for people suffering from watching the movie, but Bobo misunderstands. The crew also use cardboard cutouts to try an escape, but it fails.

  • The Space Children
    The Space Children
    Episode 6
    A space blob forces children to sabotage a nuclear rocket launch. Also, a pair of kids romp through the World's Fair in Seattle and learn about phones, Pearl has a new phone system installed, and Tom sets up a kissing booth.
  • The Deadly Bees
    The Deadly Bees
    Episode 5
    Movie Plot: The Deadly Bees An exhausted pop star tries to relax on a small island, but killer bees disrupt her rest. Intro: The crew does a series of 'previously on..' bits, spoofing several other shows. Segment One: Tom is still in 'previously on' mode, trying to choke Mike. As Observer and Bobo eat chili dogs, the other Observers return to take back Brain Guy. Pearl is rather upset, but says she's not. Segment Two: Crow writes a sonnet to Mrs. Hargrove, the 'cigarette hag.' Tom plays the creamhorn as accompniament. They are dressed in old English clothes. Segment Three: The movie inspires the 'bots to raise insects. Bobo and Pearl sing a song to convince Observer to stay, which works. Mike gets caught up in the song and releases the insects. Segment Four: Mike dresses as a bee and tries to communicate by movement, but not odor(thank God). Tom understands him, but all Crow wants to know is where is his Just For Men haircoloring. Segment Five: The crew thinks about bees and the bowler-hatted man from the last scene pops onto the bridge. In the castle, Observer battles the other Observers. They gang up on him until Bobo grabs their brains. Observer makes the others into mortal Packer fans. The bowler-hatted man appears. Stinger: Mrs. Hargrove asks Doris, 'The dog's meat, have you seen it?'moreless
  • Werewolf
    Episode 4
    Movie Plot: Werewolf An author stumbles onto an archeological dig and becomes a werewolf. Intro: Mike hits his head and thinks he's James Lipton from Inside The Actors Studio. He thinks Crow is Ray Liotta and asks him weird questions like whether he smells like apples or not. Segment One: Crow whacks Mike with the clown hammer so he becomes himself again. Then, Mike climbs down a ladder the Nanites made to try and escape, but he winds up in Castle Forrester. The 'bots make insults through the radio, but Mike doesn't hear them. Segment Two: The crew discuss who they would want in their werewolf movie. They turn out to be relatives of famous people(like Joe Estevez), except for Crow, who could only come up with Ray Liotta. Segment Three: After watching the second werewolf crashing his car, Mike and the 'bots do the doo-wop song 'Where, Oh, Werewolf?'(like 'Leader Of The Pack,' get it?) They all dress up in poodle skirts. Segment Four: As they leave the theater, Crow stops short and Mike trips over him. Their essences mingle(ewwwwww!) and Mike becomes a wereCrow. He becomes more and more like Crow through the rest of the movie. Segment Five: Mike is almost fully Crow. Tom has essence of Mike to make Mike normal again, and some of it splashed on to him, making him a wereMike. In the castle, Pearl wants to inject the essence of a wolf into a man. Observer got a peasant, but all Bobo can find is a cocker spaniel. Pearl and Oberver makea hate-Bobo club. Stinger: Natalie says, 'Dis iss absoluuty fahsinattng.' (Translation: 'This is absolutely fascinating.')moreless
  • The Puma Man
    The Puma Man
    Episode 3
    The crew watches the story of a professor who finds out he's a superhero(kind of), while Pearl tries to hold a ball(unsuccesfully) and Roger Whitaker appears.
  • The Phantom Planet
    Episode 2

    The crew watches a movie where an astronaut is shrunk while doing an Andy Rooney impression contest. They also debate the good and the beautiful while villagers try to welcome Pearl and crew to the castle, only to be accidentally hit with hot oil.

  • The Projected Man
    The Projected Man
    Episode 1
    Season Nine begins with the discovery of Castle Forrester, which becomes Pearl's new home base. Meanwhile, the crew watches another bad British movie, this one about a scientist who gets the ability to shock everyone to death.