Mystery Science Theater 3000

Cannon: The service tower is rolling away from the launch pad. Joel: Somebody stop it!

(Stoney looks out the window and sees a weather front moving in) Stoney: Somebody's gonna have a hurricane. Joel, Crow & Tom: Subplot, subplot, subplot...

(Keith tells the network commentator not to reveal too much about the problem) Network Commentator: This is mission control, Houston. Crow: We're all gonna die!!!

Frank: (after Joel's invention) Your invention is absurd, it's ridiculous, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I love it! Keep up the good work!

Crow (imitating Gregory Peck): Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I haven't had a single good scene yet.

Tom: The Russians based their spaceship on scrubbing bubbles? They do all the work so you don't have tooooo.......!!!!!!

Crow (about the astronauts' suits): His head looks like a gumball machine. Stupid guy, stranded in space, head looks like... (fades out after glancing at Tom).

Tom: (as one of the Russians reaches for Stoney) Hey, hey, hey. He's touching him in his spacesuit area! (whispering) Bad touch, bad touch.

Tom (seeing NASA people wearing hard hats): It's helmet day at NASA. Crow: David Janssen wishes it was beer day.

Tom (seeing the rescue capsule): When did NASA paint anything red?

(Stoney and Buzz see the Russian ship is too far away) Stoney: Can't get any closer, Buzz. Crow: If I was any closer, I'd be behind you. (Tom imitates a rimshot)

Ted: Turn on your acquisition lights. Tom: Turn on your love light! Crow: And leave it on!

Ted: Ironman, this is rescue. Stoney: (confused) Read you? Joel: Read you, I love you!

Joel: (as Keith paces and listens to Stoney and Buzz) Phooey, phooey, phooey, phooey, phooey on the ship. Phooey on the ship is what I say.

Crow: What's a four-letter word for 'fiery death'?

Tom: (after Pruitt mentions affirmative action) So we're going to hire some women and minorities.

Keith: That's why we live by the rules! Tom: Ape law!

Ted: Screw your rational approach! Crow: Yeah, well bite me, Harry O!

Keith: How many deaths? Joel: Three, sir?

Keith: Four days. Joel: Third base!

Ted: I want to talk about a rescue mission. Joel: In my underwear!

Ted: Fire, fire, fire! Crow: Whoa, easy, easy! Get him something.

Man: How does the data look? Crow: It looks fabulous!

Stoney: Well, say something, Ted? Are we beautiful? Joel: Do you think we're sexy?

Joel: (singing as the space capsule floats) In and around the lake, mountains come out of the sky and stand... Crow: Say no to Yes.

Joel (as the rocket takes off): I meant to say "Clear the launch pad!"

Crow: Looks like they're cutting off the nose cone to spite the rocket.