Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: If a tree fell in the forest, would Roger Corman go over budget?

Joel: This script's like a telephone directory! Crow: Only not as interesting.

Grey-Bearded One: A member of the clan has come to manhood! Tom: At the tender age of 37!

Tom: (when the dogs appear) How can there be Great Danes when there isn't even a Denmark yet?

(as a monster approaches Signal-Maker's Son) Tom: It looks like H. R. Pufnstuf after a fiery car wreck. Joel: It's me! I'm Trumpy!

Signal-Maker's Son: I came to give this earth to the clan. Joel: Oh, David Duke?

Tom: (in Shatner voice) A man mauled by a bear on Emergency Oog Ugg Ung!

Symbol-Maker: It promises a lot but gives only a place to die. Tom: Oh, like Hollywood.

Joel: (in the movie's opening animation) Oh, this is Fantasia before they colorized it.

Crow: (at the end of the opening movie credits) Well, this must have been filmed painstakingly over the course of three days!

(in the movie) Narrator: And then there came...man! Crow: To screw the whole thing up!

Crow: (after Ross catches the bears) Next, he's gonna go on a panda raid.

Ted: (as Ross goes after the snake) This is Ross's profession. And I know he didn't learn that in college. Crow: No, he didn't even get out of the fifth grade. But I kid Ross!

Tom: (after Ross catches the bear cub) So, it's Ross 2, Everglades nothing.

Ross: Wildcat! You go that way! Joel: Wildcat, I think I love you, but I want to know for sure...

(in the second short) Ted: Hey, Mr. Cat, you can't do that! Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago? Tom: For voting twice?

(over a shot of a ski jumper) Narrator: Notice the arms do not rotate, like on snow ski jumping. Crow: They just snap clean away!

Narrator: The only requirement is ability to swim. Joel: In four-inch heels!

Narrator: This is positively the first try on water for this bunch. Crow: So you know they're bound to fail!