Mystery Science Theater 3000

(after Crow's 'Hank Kimball as the Fugitive' bit) Mike: Crow, buddy... Tom: Wow! Mike: You know, you set a stool down next to that premise and just milked it for everything it's worth. Tom: Moo!

Mike: Did Prokofiev do the music for this? Crow: Uh, yes. Ernie Prokofiev.

Tom: (as Mrs. March gets out of her chair and walks down the stairs) Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!

Mike: (as Bea comes down the stairs) Here's Cathy, who's lived most everywhere...

Tom: (as lights flash in the lab) Yes, it's Disco Night at GlamSlam, come on down.

(over a shot of Anita in her nightgown, which is buttoned up) Crow: Isn't she supposed to be wearing something tighter, or flimsier, or more revealing? Mike: Well, I mean, that's the preferred route, but...

Crow: (talking about Beatrice) Dick Van Dyke had a better english accent!

Crow: (describing the gang in the short) The Martin Milner gang!

(as the doctor prepares for another transplant) Narrator: Where were the live, fresh bodies he'd been promised? Tom: Why, straight from your grocer's freezer!

Crow: (looking inside the cyclotron) Do not adjust your dryer. We control your air fluff.

(as Bea and Nina plot to escpae) Mike: This is the female Papillon. Tom: Papiette!

(Bea finds Victor in the parlor) Victor: I was having a little nightcap. Mike: And it got out of hand!

Tom: (describing Anita) Talia Shire is Squeaky Fromme.

Victor: Application forms for a servant girl don't usually include bust, waist and hip measurements. Crow: Except at Hooters.

(in the movie) Narrator: The brain cells are being reactivated by atomic fission, produced in a cyclotron. Tom: Isn't that a ride at the state fair? (whispering to Mike) Cyclone.

(in the short) Council Member: We're talking about criminal acts of violence! Tom: We're talking about trouble, right here in River City!

(in the short, a question mark appears) Tom: That's Prince's new name, isn't it? Crow: No, it's Frank Gorshin's new name.