Mystery Science Theater 3000

Narrator: A man runs, somebody shoots at him. Tom: Sorry, that's all we got. That's our movie. Goodbye.

Narrator: Joseph Javorski, noted scientist. Mike: Melted scientist?

Narrator: Puerto Rico and the United States: a partnership for progress. Mike: Whether you like it or not.

Narrator: Joseph Javorski. Crow: Rootie patootie.

Narrator: (at the end of the movie) Joseph Javorski. Mike: Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Narrator: Noted scientist. Crow: Family man, and your candidate for city council! (pause) Mike: Well, what about him?!

Crow: (as Javorski lays wounded on the ground) Tonight, The Whales of August.

Crow: (as Mom continues to wait) I'm waiting for the romance between Tor and Mom to get going.

Narrator: Man's inhumaity to man. Tom: Or, beast's inhubeastity to beast.

Narrator: The hunter and the hunted. Mike: This fall on NBC.

Tom: (as the searching scene goes on, and on) This movie stops at nothing... and stays there.

Hank: (calling for the kids) Art! Randy! Crow: I'm feeling randy! (Hank looks toward the camera) Tom: Are you randy? Oh, I guess not.

(as Jim and Joe climb down from a plateau) Tom: Why did they call this flats? Crow: I get the yucca part.

Tom: (as Hank changes the tire) That must be the Yucca flat!

Tom: (as a woman bends down) Okay, breasts! We get it!

Narrator: (as a family appears on the scene) Vacation time. Crow: So, goodbye.

Narrator: Joe Dobson... Tom: Bitter over missing breakfast. Narrator: Caught in the wheels of progress. Mike: Having trouble logging on to the information superhighway.

Tom (as Dr. Javorski kills his first two victims) There was no such thing as clinical depression until this film was made.

Tom: (seeing a car pull over) Coleman Francis had a dark, muddy vision...with some cars.

Tom: (as Tony drives) I just love how deep Tony Cardoza gets into character. Crow: Yeah, he just goes in there and sits.

Crow: (during the first chase scene) It is more suspenseful when you don't know what's going on.

Crow: (as the title appears) Wish it was The Breast of Yucca Flats.

Movie Narrator: Yucca Flats. Tom: I'll say!

Narrator: (about Puerto Rico) Bilingual schools. Mike: Bisexual students.

Benjamin Franklin: A budget should fit the user. Crow: Like a teddy.

Benjamin Franklin: Did you ever hear of a budget, William? Crow: Uh, that's a fish, right?

Ben Franklin: Bob had a goal. Tom: And two assists!

Crow: (about 'Money Talks') And talks and talks and can't get a word in edgewise.

Mike: Yes, no matter what the culture, folk-dancing is stupid.

Mike: Tor Johnson as the beast, that's just smart casting.

Tom: (describing Javorski) Even his head has a beer-belly.