Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: So, is there a credit that says 'guy at the end'?

Crow: (describing Hargrove) Jerry Orbach in Hatari.

Crow: The flashback is as long as the movie should have been.

Tom: This is an odd version of Shadowlands.

Mike: (as Doris is chased by the bees) The bees want to move into her beehive hairdo.

Crow: (as Vicki uses the electric toothbrush) Must drill myself a new mandible!

Vicki: (singing) Stop the music... Tom: Now, that's good advice.

Mike: (as the lead singer of the band appears) There's me, 1982.

Tom: What do you think the message of the movie was? Crow: Don't watch it! Ever!

Mike: So, why did this movie cost $170 million?

Crow: This is a movie that has everything... all wrong.

Crow (as Doris walks in the woods) Hey, it's Non-Descript Spice.

(as Vicki appears in a bra) Crow: This is about as titillating as a Montgomery Ward catalog. Tom: Frankly, to me any bra is a Wonderbra.

Crow: (as Hargrove runs) He switches to super fem run.

Tom: A couple of No-Pest Strips could make this whole movie go away.

(in a darkroom, with the red light on) Crow: We go now live to the heat lamp at Rax.

(describing the leader of the inquest) Crow: The British Commish. Mike: A giant carp!

Manfred: A few dead bees. Mike: Starring Tom Cruise.

Crow: Yes, the pub. Plenty of boiled meat, warm beer and old guys.

(describing Mrs. Hargrove) Crow: Popeye in drag. Mike: Starring John Hurt as Mrs. Hargrove.

Tom: (describing Doris) Valerie Bertinelli in The Outlaw.

Mike: (after Tess gets stung) Appeal to your audience, kill the cute dog.

Mike: Yes, the horse is on the horse.

Crow: (singing) Old McWartface had a farm...

Tom: So how well does a crap farm do, actually?

Crow: (as the band ends their song) The Skinnies!

Tom: (as the band performs) Guys, just skip the music and go straight to the heroin.

Crow: (as the band perfoms) Eight Miles Wrong!

Crow: (as bees buzz about) Lilacs! We have lilacs! This is not a drill!