Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: (as Glenn stands by the door of Prof. Dornheimer's house) It's Efrem Zimbalist Jr., Jr.

Austin: (to Glenn) Suppose you tell me how a man who's been dead for several hours can drive a car off a mountain road, get out and jump over a cliff? Crow: He's Jesus?

Kolos: I must return to a land of cold and unemotional galaxy beings. Joel: Minnesota?

Kolos: I must do these things. Joel: That's what Waldheim said.

Crow: (after the android Glenn lost his arm) They disarmed him!

(as Lisa goes down to the dungeon) Crow: You know, you don't often find a full dungeon in Southern California. Tom: No, you usually get kind of like a half-dungeon is all.

Joel: (seeing Gale): It's Delta! Crow: He who smelta, Delta.

Glenn: You believe whatever you like. Joel: But my opening bit kills.

Crow: Hunan Duplicators! Joel: Right, cause they're identical Suzie Wongs? Crow: Yeah, cause two Wongs don't make...

Joel: I sing the body pathetic!

Gale: Glenn, I'm talking to you! Glenn: Yeah, I thought so. Gale: Well, say something! Crow: Something! Glenn: Something! Crow: D'oh! Joel: It's okay. Crow: Got riff-back on that.

Joel: (describing the interior of the house) It's a very Brady Renaissance.

Tom: (seeing a tall building) Guests of The Human Duplicators stay at the Airport Inn, on the Beltline.

Glenn: Martin, Glenn Martin. Crow: Glen Ross.

Glenn: I'm an admirer. Joel: Of fine silk products.

Tom: (as Austin takes an asprin) I'm checking out!

Tom: (seeing Gale in pink) It's Mary Kay Ash!

Glenn: You want all the facts and nothing but the facts, right? Joel: So help us, God.

Crow: (seeing the detective) Did he pull that suit off the Riddler?

Crow: It's The Pawnbroker meets It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World! The restored version.

Glenn: Dr. Munson was the strong man type. Joel: Dr. Munson Honeydew!

Kolos: I am Kolos. Crow: And Diet Kolos.