Mystery Science Theater 3000

(Jerry is being hypnotized by Estrella) Estrella: Into a deep sleep. Mike: (as the camera goes back and forth toward Jerry's face) He won't sleep if you keep hitting the Steadicam against his head!

Mike: (after seeing the small 'presents' in the opening title sequence) Oh, boy. The size of the word 'presents' makes me think they're a little sheepish about it.

Tom: (seeing 'Made in Hollywood, USA' in the end credits) Oh, I thought it was Hollywood, Republic of Chad!!

(describing the brunette girl singer) Crow: Ladies and gentlemen, Lesley Bore! Tom: Oh, she's the zombie of the title, I got it! Mike: So Ray Dennis Steckler just filmed an open stage night and made it half his movie! Tom: Eh, the only reason she got this gig is 'cause she's shacking up with Laurence Welk. Crow: Ah, she has a God-given talent...for making tuna casserole!

Manager: (to Marge) If you're not back in time for the third show and sober, you're fired! Mike: Or I'll put on your fishnets and dance with Heinz myself!

Crow: (as Jerry, Harold and Angie have fun) Outtakes from the Manson family Christmas!

Tom: (describing Angie's mother) She's a Q-tip!

Drunk Customer: (to Estrella) You couldn't buy enough booze to make me go for you. Mike: But could you try?

(as the blond girl singer performs) Tom: She's a senior with sass. Mike: Grandma always gets drunk and sings at weddings. Tom: (singing along) Centrum Silver is what you need... Crow: Can I get a medic over here?!

Crow: We hope you've enjoyed No Moral Theater, ladies and gentlemen.

Tom: (as Jerry flops on the beach) Some movies inspire you to make your own movie, this one inspires me to make my own gravy.

Crow: Madison, the boy who should be in a plastic bubble.

(seeing the African dance number): Crow: Oh, they turned 'Leech Woman' into a musical. Mike: (referencing Monty Python) Is this Confuse-A-Cat?

Tom: (seeing a pair of zombies) Hey, Big Head Todd. And the Monster.

Crow: (as a zombie attacks Carmelita) I hate the way they stereotype zombies in this movie.

Tom: (over a POV shot of the roller coaster) Filmed in Nausea-Vision!

(describing a blond girl singer) Tom: It's Ru-Gretzky. Crow: Ladies and gentlemen, the Glenn Close Experience.

Crow: (during the second dance number) Ah, never let your book club be your backup dancers, I say.

Mike: (over a closeup of Estrella) Pay no attention to the woman behind the mole!

Crow: (as Jerry wanders around backstage) Thrill as he looks for the men's room!

Mike: (describing Carmelita) She has all the sensuality of Tyne Daly.

Tom: (describing Harold) Rent-a-Balki.

Mike: (during the first dance number) So how is this a tribute to Madeline Albright?

Jerry: I'll try anything once. Crow: Would you lie face down on a porcupine?

Mike: (describing Estrella) Eydie 'Budget' Gorme.

Mike: (as Marge sits down at Estrella's table) We take Visa, Mastercard and dead rats.

Jerry: How's college? Madison: It's fine. You should try it sometime. Jerry: No, thanks. The world's my college. Crow: He's taking it pass/fail.

Mike: (seeing Angie's house) If you lived here, you'd be depressed by now.

Crow: (during Marge and Bill's first dance) No one's ever attempted an interpretive dance of Mein Kampf before.

(seeing the movie's title) Tom: The title actually has appendices. Crow: You know, I saw the sequel to this: TISCWSLABMUZ 2.

Tom: (over a shot of Marge) Renee Richards is Wendy Carlos in Glen or Glenda.

Tom: (in the movie's opening credits) Need an atlas? Come to Atlas King, where maps rule. Three locations.

Tom: (as Jerry and Harold drive away from their house) We'll return to In Cold Blood Goes To California!