Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: (as giant shrews attack) Oh, puppy!

Crow: (as Thorne kicks and punches Jerry) That must be how Festus got his voice and his limp.

Tom: (over a shot of the dead shrew outside) Now, wait, here's a trick I taught him: Stay, rot, good boy!

(as Thorne and Mario search for the shrews) Crow: This is just like Aliens, except without the underwear. Tom: Oh. I like the underwear.

Crow: (seeing that the 'giant shrews' are actually dogs wearing shrew costumes) When Bad Dogs Happen To Good People.

Jerry: Sure, I'll go. Crow: If I die, it'll be a boon to the movie.

Thorne: Here's another possibility, Doctor. Tom: Gin omelets.

Bradford: Hemotoxic syndrome. Tom: Sounds like a Ludlum book.

Thorne: I'll take a dull alive woman every time. Tom: I guess the other way would be kinda sick, wouldn't it? Joel: Mmm-hmmm!

(after Mario dies) Thorne: (to Ann) Brooding about it won't do any good. Crow: But breeding will.

Dr. Craigis: They are mutants. Crow: Ted Nu...gents. Joel: Oh, wow, that's a stretch.

Crow (imitating Frank Zappa as a shrew bites): Weasels ripped my flesh!

Jerry: (drunkenly, to Mario) 'M going to trust you... Tom: (drunkenly) To tell me when I've had enough.

Bradford: Very soon, right here on this island... Crow: Appearing will be Don Ho!

Thorne: Light all the candles you can find. Crow: And curse the darkness.

Dr Craigis: Miles of open water in any direction. Joel: Miles O'Keefe in every direction.

Dr. Craigis: This island is their world. Tom: And welcome to it.

Ann: (to Thorne) Do you believe in fairy tales? Crow: Does it got elves in it?

Crow: (as Griswold is in a tree) Meanwhile, back at the branch...

Dr. Craigis: Some call them bone eaters. Tom: I call them Cheddarwurst.

Joel (describing Dr. Craigis): This guy makes Al Lewis look handsome.

Thorne: I'd advise you to get some doors and windows open in this place. Crow: Yes, Mr. Ventilation!

Dr Craigis: (to Thorne) This is my daughter, Ann Craigis. Crow: So, hands off!

(as Dr. Craigis, Ann and Jerry approach Thorne and Griswold) Thorne: That's a rather strange set up, wouldn't you say? Tom: Yeah, but the punch line makes it work.

Narrator: There were reports of a new species. Joel: A fun species.

(at the start of the movie) Narrator: The wildest and most vicious of all animals... Joel: Are in Vegas?

Narrator: We sure had us a junior rodeo. Crow: Next week, geriatric rodeo.

Narrator: Clyde sits him like he was glued to the saddle. Crow: I am!!!!

Joel: (as a bronco rider starts) Oh, no, oh no, this is wrong. I signed up for debate!

Narrator: Kind of tall for a calf rider. Crow: (as she falls off) Not anymore.