Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tony: I get this feeling whenever I sense danger. Tom: Or whenever I eat a sack of White Castles.

Mike: An egg!!! Oh, its Donald Pleasence.

Crow: (as Vadinho fights Kobras' men) So, basically the hero is this guy! I think it's time we faced that fact!

Crow: (as Vadinho rolls his eyes in the back of his head) Little Orphan Aztec.

Crow: (describing Tony as his head appears) At all times he has the look of a man who's been hit with a fish.

Tom: (as Jane holds a gun) Hey, Sondra Locke's gonna take the direct approach with Clint!

Vadinho: I say put it on... Mike: And you say pyut it oon.

Crow: (as Tony puts on his tuxedo) David Birney is the Aramis man in Wait Until Dark.

Tony: (to Jane) I fell from the third floor! Tom: And my hair looks great!

Crow: (after Vadinho tells Tony he is the Puma Man) I sure hope we don't see this guy go into heat at some point.

(as Kobras has the back of the mask closed) Jane: But this is proof of an outer space presence in our history. Tom: She said that about waffles.

Crow: This always happens! People throw me out the window, tell me I'm PumaMan, then leave!!

Crow: (as Kobras watches Vadinho and his men) It's an Aztec family Christmas.

Tom: At some point, the world has got to stop letting idiots like this almost take over.

Crow: (as the last scene begins) Yay! Sky! There's a place where there's sky!

Mike: I sense danger... oh, it's mildew.

Mike: (over a long tone) This is a test of the audience's patience.

Tom: (describing Jane in her driving hat) Amelia Airhead.

Tom: (as Tony first flies) First thing he does is poop on my car.

Vadinho: You have the blood of the gods coming from other worlds. Tom: Ew. God blood is hard to get out.

Tom: Sam Elliott is Ted Turner in The Gregory Peck Story.

Mike: (as Kobras' men search for Tony) Are criminals kinetically drawn to construction sites?

Crow: (as Tony is defeated by Kobras) He's as cat-like as Boog Powell.

Crow: Now we see through a glass dumbly.

Crow: (as Kobras uses the mask) Goldfinger got Mike Tyson!

Kobras: Tony Farms... Mike: Raises soybeans.

Tony: I want you to hear my epitaph. Mike: I'm with stupid.

(describing Tony in his Puma Man costume) Tom: High Plains Weenie. Mike: Puma Man, Liberace with Dockers.

Headline: Fourth American killed in just a few days. Will there be other victims? Crow: Call our 900 number and vote.

Mike: (describing Kobras) Basically an old baby.

Crow: (seeing Kobras, Jane and Rocco in their leather suits) It's S&M day at the Field Museum!

Kobras: Comb the area. Crow: Donald's only use for the word 'comb'.

Crow: (as Tony goes through the attic) He's in an attic, uh, attic, uh, attic-a, attic-a, Attica, Attica!

Vadhino: Dive into the nothingness. Tom: Watch MTV?

Mike: (as a bunch of men in tuxedos enter) We're here to pick up our Grammys?

(as Vadinho puts on the dynamite) Vadinho: If the death of one man can save many, that death is right. Tony: Then the death of two men is just as right. Mike: Let go my death.

Tom: (after Vadhino punches Tony) Yes! The Aztec speaks for all of us!

Mike: (as Kobras enters the party) I am Pleasance and I am funky.

Tom: I hate it when Aztecs force themselves into your hotel room and make you try on belts.

Vadhino: My name is Vadhino. Crow: I'm an onion.

Crow: A Post-It Note could sense danger better than this guy!