Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: (as Eric searches in the pond) Let's see... Hey, there's the rock I crushed my first wife's skull with. Boy, that brings back memories.

Mike: (as the skull appears at the door) Trick-or-treat for calcium.

Eric: Jenny, this is Mickey. Crow: Mickey's a wide awake nightmare!

Mike: (as Gumbo lands split-legged on a roof) Thank goodness for the internal genitalia!

Mike: This movie's original title was Looking For Mickey.

Rev. Snow: We're going back there, to that house. Crow: Mickey, get in the trunk.

Eric: Jenny... Crow: I've got your number.

Crow: First year of marriage is always the most psychotic.

Mickey: Not me. Mike: And Ida Know.

Eric: Now, in the morning Mr. Snow will be here. He's very comforting. Mike: Yeah, Mr. Snow, and then Mr. Horse and then Mr. Mary Jane.

Tom: (as Jenny throws the skull) Alas, poor Yoric, she threw him well.

Mike: (as Eric, to Jenny) Okay, go to dead... bed!

Mike: (as Eric takes Jenny to the window) Can I interest you in some defenestration?

Tom: It's like they have two servings of tension that they're trying to stretch out for seven people.

Mike: (as Eric and Jenny kiss) Flat, drab passion meanders across the screen!

Tom: (as Mickey reaches in the pond) Hey, nice pad he's got there. Crow: Shut up!

Crow: Friends are visiting from hell.

Eric: Why, there's Mickey! Mike: Hey, it's Mickey, and he's wearing pants today!

Mike: (as the peacocks) Help us, NBC is after us! Hide us!

Tom: (as Eric and Jenny pull up to the house) Yes, shocking horror arrives in style in your 1953 Mercedes!

Crow: (as Gumby goes to fight the robots) Bad move. Robots do not fight clean. You know that, Mike. Mike: Oh, yeah.

Tom: The nice thing about Gumby is that you can use him as window caulk.

Crow: (as the robots tear down the house) Habitat Against Humanity.

Mickey: I heard her. Mike: (as Snagglepuss)Observed her, even!

Mike: The movie that dares to graphically depict sometimes seeing peacocks and sometimes not seeing peacocks.

Crow: Yep, when you think 'shocking horror', you think German oompah band music!

Crow: (singing as a skull rolls down a flight of stairs) Everyone knows it's Slink-Skull!

Crow: (as the robots in the area putting red paint on the house) Damn. I need more pig's blood.

Tom: (as a skull comes up behind Eric) I prefer 'Occasional Outburst Skull'.

Mike: If Ed Wood had directed Rules of the Game.

Mike: I think the title was supposed to be Screaming, semicolon Skull.

Crow: (describing Eric's outfits) Clothes from the Fred Rogers Collection.

Mike: (after a wrench goes through Gumbo) Hey, I can throw things through dad! I'm gonna get an anvil!

Mike: Hey, it's me, the skull. We need to talk about a certain me-tossing incident.

Crow: Now Mike, you gotta be fair. This movie is more than people looking for Mickey. At least a third of it is doors being knocked on and not answered. Mike: Yeah, I see your point.

Mike: (as Eric hears knocking) It's the 'show us your live wife and win a million dollars' people. Tom: (whispering) Bad timing.