Mystery Science Theater 3000

(describing the lead singer) Mike: Shelley Duvall! Tom: He stole Robin Gibb's head!

Crow: (as Paul uses a whisk broom) He's in boot camp for umpire training.

Tom: I have a creepy feeling that this was filmed at the Spahn Ranch.

Sheriff: Two more men dead. Tom: That's our goal!

Sheriff: No gunplay. Mike: Can we do a passion play?

Crow: (seeing a Route 66 sign) Get your kicks on me-ee-ee...

Mike: Actually, most people in New Mexico think about killing themselves two, three times a week.

Crow: (seeing a sign, "Coins & Guns") I need a wheat penny and a Glock.

Crow: (after Paul gets off the motorcycle) His pants are Haggar... and they're horrible.

Johnny: Nobody knows what may happen. Tom: Except for Faith Popcorn.

Paul: If what you say is true... Tom: Indians were here first?

Tom: (as Paul comes outside shirtless) Drink me in, world. I'm freshly oiled and ready to rock.

Crow: This film is lit with a spelunker's head lamp.

Paul: (describing Johnny's bow and arrows) Everything is authentic Indian. Mike: I thought everything was Archie.

(at the house of the first victim) Capt. Mac: Take a look at the man. Tom: He is scrumptuous!

Crow: (seeing a dark scene) Filmed through chocolate milk.

Crow: (over a shot of the moon) Nice place, no atmosphere.

Paul: I guess I blacked out. Mike: Excuse me, you African-Americaned out.

Crow: (over the opening shot of a desert) Hawkeye Pierce returns to the M*A*S*H unit.

Mike: (as the sheriff watches the clock) How can you tell what time it is when those little sticks keep moving around like that?

(over yet another shot of the moon) Crow: That's just a picture of the moon! Tom: Yeah, the moon backed out of this movie at the last minute.

Johnny: Paul is not Paul anymore! Crow: He's Super Paul!

Mike: (as the sheriff watches Kathy walk away) I'd almost unhook my thumbs for her.

Mike: (at the concert) Look, behind Longbow, it's Waldo!

(Paul invites Kathy to his place) Kathy: Your place? Paul: My place. Kathy: Fine, your place then. Crow: (over a shot of lightning) Not his place! Fornicators!

Mike: (as Paul falls on Kathy) Yeah, I've used that during meteor showers.

(Paul shows Kathy around his place) Kathy: I gather nobody's home? Paul: My mother's in Europe, she travels a lot. Crow: All this, and he lives with his mother? (whispering) Wow!

(describing Kathy's pink outfit) Crow: JC Penney hooker wear. For the casual hooker at work, rest or play. Mike: Hey, I'm wearing terry cloth. You guys need anything absorbed?