Napoleon Dynamite

Season 1 Episode 3


Aired Sunday 8:30 PM Jan 29, 2012 on FOX



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Napoleon: If I have kids and die in a car accident, I totally want you to raise them. (Deb smiles) And get my car fixed, because it'll probably be a totally sweet car.

    • Napoleon: (to baby liger) Promise you won't forget me? I promise if I ever have young of my own, I won't love them as much as you.

    • Napoleon: I can't give him back! He hasn't learned to cast spells or bend time!

    • Pedro: (through megaphone) Hello Napoleon, it's your friend Pedro. As class president and mayor, I demand you give back the baby.

    • Deb: Do you think everyone in the restaurant thought we were married?
      Napoleon: If they did, it was the worst frickin' honeymoon I've ever been on.

    • Citizen: I think we all need to urinate in the same mug and sprinkle it on our crops!

    • Police Officer: People, these ligers present us with a crisis the likes of which we haven't seen since the hobo rebellion of 1945!

    • Rex: (beats man up) And that's how you punch someone in the brain!

    • Napoleon: Come on, let's get out of here. I haven't taken a dump in like, five days.

    • Deb: Napoleon, I know you mean well, but why are you so tough on him?
      Napoleon: Because if he doesn't have a strong father figure, he's going to turn out to be strange and lonely. Trust me, I know.
      Deb: Oh, Napoleon, I don't think you're either of those things.
      Napoleon: I was talking about Kip! Gosh!

    • Grandma: Napoleon, you're getting a job to pay for these!
      Napoleon: What about Kip!?
      Grandma: Kip's too frail for today's modern work place. Besides, he's gonna be my eyes. I can't see a thing!

    • Kip: Any last words, Napoleon?
      Napoleon: Pedro, if I die, have a hawk sprinkle my ashes in Bear Lake.
      Pedro: As you wish.

    • Rico: This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard! Let's try it and see who's right!

    • Rico: Aim for the bladder! That's nature's gas tank!

    • Napoleon: I'm still pissed, but that was a pretty sweet song.

    • Guidance Counselor: Um, I really don't know what this is. Would you object to working with something called, a liger?
      Napoleon: Are you freaking kidding me? I only had like fourteen dreams about them last night!

    • Guidance Counselor: Well Napoleon, I know how debt can wear on a man, so, I'm gonna recommend you dropout.
      Napoleon: Can't I just get an after school job? Here's my resume. You can call my references to find out how awesome I am.

    • Deb: Hey Napoleon! We just refilled our beanbag chair, do you want to come over and sit in it with me? My mom will supervise!
      Napoleon: That sounds like a sweet idea, but I'm sorta going through a family crisis right now.

    • Napoleon: Why can't I be your eyes?
      Kipper: Because I'm way better at describing stuff. Like how I always say, a baby's hand looks like a starfish.

    • Kip: Any last words, Napoleon?
      Napoleon: Pedro, if I die, have a hawk sprinkle my ashes in Bear Lake.

  • Notes

  • Allusions