Nash and company discover a gang of female bank robbers who plan to break their husbands out of jail. Nick schemes to move into a formerly all-women retirement home. Caitlin readies her negative report on the SIU, much to Nash's consternation.
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Nash: Hi yourself. Did you decide to mosey into the lion's den?
Caitlin: No, actually, um, I came to call a truce.
Nash: A truce, huh? What are the terms?
Caitlin: Here. (hands him the report) The final copy of my report. I just submitted it.
Nash: So that would actually be the terms of my surrender.
Caitlin: No, no, I revised it. I really tried to make it as fair an unbiased as possible, Nash.
Nash: Uh huh.
Caitlin: You know, I- I've tried so hard to um, compartmentalize everything, to keep my personal and professional life separate. It's just not that simple.
Nash: No it's not, is it?
Caitlin: I'm really sorry for any problems that I might've caused you while I was doing my job.
Nash: Okay. So what happens now?
Caitlin: I don't know. I mean, honestly, I don't know. I guess we just uh, we wait and see what happens. (steps closer to him) Do I get my truce?
Nash: Sure. Truce.
Nash: What happened?
Nick: Don't ask.
Nash: Did you get kicked out?
Nick: They changed their policy again. Not that I mind. Even Viagara in there was like having a pellet gun in a tank battle. (Nash laughs)
Joe (about Nick): Well, you gotta admit, it was a good plan.
Nash: Oh, genius.
Denise: We're on docket this morning at 9 Circuit court. Don't pretend that you didn't know.
Nash: Actually, I didn't know that. (to Joe) Did you know that?
Joe: Man, I haven't read this month's Playboy, let alone last week's docket. (Nash laughs)
Weldon: Yo, man. What kind of whacked out police station is this?
Nash: Weldon, if you don't mind, we'll ask the questions. As a matter of fact, even if you do mind, we'll ask the questions.
Cassidy: We've been had.
Nash: By whom?
Cassidy: Grandpa. I just came back from Maudeline Hills.
Nash (laughs): Maudeline Hills?
Cassidy: Whatever, Dad. Listen to this, it used to be all women, it just recently turned co-ed and Grandpa and his horny friend Gordon and the first two men to be admitted.
Nash (laughs): Wow. I'm so proud to see that his mental wheels are still turning quickly.
Cassidy: Daddy, we need to get him out of there.
Nash: Yeah, good luck. I'm sure that he's in hog heaven.
Cassidy: You know, it's not as good as you think it is. Because those women? You should see how they throw themselves at him. You know, he could have another heart attack. I'm not kidding you.
Nash (laughs): It might not be the worst way to go.
Nash: Okay, okay, okay. Damn. All women, huh?
Joe: Hey, how 'ya doin'?
Caitlin: I've been better.
Joe: Mm. Still workin' on your report?
Caitlin: Putting on the finishing touches. Why?
Joe: You know, Nash and I have been partners for 20 years. You know, except for the little bit of time that I was retired there. I've seen a lot of cops, most everybody on this force. There's nobody better than him.
Caitlin: Well, then he shouldn't have a problem with my report then.
Joe: Yeah, well, he shouldn't but he's going to 'cause I've read it.
Caitlin: I've revised it a little since then.
Joe: Look, does Nash have flaws? Yes. But you don't eliminate somebody just because he has flaws.
Caitlin: Joe, com--
Joe: Look, everybody has flaws. You take the flaws as part of the person and you judge the person as a whole.
Caitlin: Yeah, I know that, alright? So what's your point?
Joe: My point is don't lose sight of the big picture. Look at all the good that Nash has accomplished as part of the SIU.
Caitlin: Right. And I have a job to do and there's certain things that I can do and certain things that I can't, alright? You just have no idea how hard this is for me.
Joe: No, Caitlin, I understand.
Caitlin: I really don't think you do.
Joe: You know what? I-I'm looking at two people here who obviously care a lot about each other, and I'm not just talking about work. But you're both so proud and stubborn, you're heading on a collision course down these tracks. And I don't want to see that happen. Do you?
Joe: Well, then do something about it.
Caitlin: Where'd you get this? Wait a second, this isn't for distribution, I didn't turn this in yet. Wh-Where did you get this copy?
Nash: It fell into my lap, so now I'm dumping it back into yours.
Caitlin: Oh, I see. So you're upset, is that it? (Nash is silent) Fine, Nash. Point out one thing in here that's not factually accurate.
Nash: I have no problem with the facts. I expected that. But your conclusions? How could you do that, Caitlin? After all this time, haven't you learned anything new about me? Hasn't working out here shown you a different perspective?
Caitlin: Yeah. Yeah, it did.
Nash: Well, where is it? Because it's not in there.
Caitlin: Nash, I could not soft-peddle my report.
Nash: So, if you had hated me I'da gotten fair treatment.
Caitlin: No, no, no. There is plenty I left out. Plenty.
Nash: You know, it's ridiculous... I almost kinda trusted you.
Caitlin: You know, I don't believe you. All I am doing is my job and you are turning this into a personal attack.
Nash: No, it's very clear to me that there's nothing about this that is personal. Go ahead, finish it off. Write whatever the hell you want. (walks away)
Joe: Hey, Nashman.
Nash: Hey, bubba.
Joe: What's this? A quiet evening at home?
Nash: You have no idea how quiet. (Joe is holding a huge envelope) Whatcha got there?
Joe: Oh, this? This is a preliminary copy of Caitlin Cross' report to the MCD from the SIU.
Nash: How'd you get that?
Joe: Well, I still have a few cards to play. I play 'em when I need 'em.
Joe: I'll tell 'ya one thing, you're not gonna like it.
Nash: Well, I gotta tell 'ya somethin', bubba. My expectations weren't too high in the first place.
Joe: Yeah, well, you should lower 'em.
Nash: Hmm. Alright. I'll bite. What's in it?
Joe: The Teutul case, the Bronski case, the Mariano murder. She's detailed this so called improper behavior and procedure. Nash, she's gonna hang you out to dry.
Nash: Me or us?
Joe: Well, mostly you. She says that you made all the decisions.
Nash: Hm. What else?
Joe: More of the same. Look, I'm just the messenger here.
Nash (sighs): Well, you know what? Even if she did a hatchet job, somebody above her has to read it and then they have to do something about it. That could take months. And I'm bettin' that the whole thing will blow over by then.
Joe: Well, you're not gonna fight this thing, man?
Nash: Joe, any cop, that's a real cop knows the difference between what's in the book and what goes down on the street.
Joe: Well, that's depending if you have a real cop, which most of the MCD cops are not.
Nash: Alright, pass it over. (Joe hands Nash the report, Nash starts reading it)
Nash: Son of a bitch!
Joe: I told 'ya.
Caitlin: Are you aware that the entire law enforcement community is gossiping about us?
Nash: You mean about how you're gonna chew me up in this report that you're writing?
Caitlin: No, no, no. About how we are a couple. About how we are sleeping together. (Nash laughs) Wh-- That is not funny, Nash. Doesn't that bother you?
Caitlin: Why not?
Nash: Why should it?
Caitlin: Because it's not true.
Nash: That's right.
Caitlin: Oh, so you don't care if people go around thinking things about you that aren't true?
Nash: Caitlin, what people think of me is none of my business.
Caitlin: Uh huh. But you're forgetting one important thing, Nash-- (two cops walk by muttering something, Caitlin takes a step back from Nash) You know what, you better keep your distance, alright?
Nash (steps close to Caitlin): Or what?
Caitlin (backs away): Nash! I'm about to deliver my report on the SIU. Now, if MCD seems to think that I'm sleeping with the subject of my investigation than that is going to warrant it's own investigation. Do you understand that?
Nash: Now that sounds like a personal problem to me.
Caitlin: No, no, no. It's both our problems. You haven't read my report.
Nash: No, I haven't had the pleasure. I haven't been invited.
Caitlin: Well, you have to trust me when I say that this is not good.
Nash: Okay. Duly noted. (grabs Caitlin and kisses her)
Nash: You've decided this?
Nick: Yes, I have.
Nash: Would you care to hear our thoughts?
Nick: No, I'm not gonna change my mind.
Nash: Nick, I don't want you to living somewhere else. I want you here, in my house. I like having you here.
Nick: I know you do but nothing lasts forever. It's time to be moving on.
Cassidy: Well, Grandpa, what if we had someone and help someone take care of you?
Nick: We tried that already.
Nash: You know, Nick, there's something not adding up here. Like, you hate retirement homes. Hell, you were kicked out of about a half of dozen of 'em.
Nick: This one's different. Now, I got a full tour last week. And besides, I'm gonna be rooming with my old friend Gordon Jackson. And I'm not doing this because I have to. I'm doing this because I want to. That's the final word.
Cassidy: Okay, Grandpa. If you're sure if this is what you wanna do--
Nash: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
Cassidy: Well, it's his decision, I mean--
Nash (quietly, to Cassidy): Since when did this become an ambush?
Nick: I knew that I could count on you, Cassidy. I knew that I could count on you to be level-headed and sympathetic. Excuse me, I have to finish packing. Now just finish signing those and leave 'em there. (walks away)
Nash (to Cassidy): Did you ever hear of Benedict Arnold?
Denise: I'm curious. What's Nash like with you away from the office? Lots of intense guy stuff or is it all charm?
Caitlin: Wh-What do you mean?
Denise: Oh, come on, Caitlin. Everybody knows.
Caitlin: Knows what?
Denise: About you and Nash.
Caitlin: Right. So-- So what do you say?
Denise: It's hot news. You two really didn't think you could keep it a secret forever? The only thing cops like better than catching bad guys is gossip.
Nash: And where were you this morning, Andy?
Andy: Home. And then I went to meet Sasha.
Joe: And Sasha would be?
Andy: The chick you found me with.
Nash (laughs): This Sasha is your iron clad alibi?
Joe: I'm thinking that she didn't see much.
Nash (laughs): Oh, now let's not make it personal.
Nash: Hello, Denise. Don't tell us you represent this guy? God help us. Not pro bono?
Denise: Well, how about we save some time? Either press charges against Mr. Warrick or release him.
Nash (laughs): No hello back? No, 'Hi, Nash, how 'ya doing? Long time, no see.'?
Denise: Well, my clients don't pay me $350 an hour to exchange pleasantries.
Joe: Did your client show you pay stubs or you just trust him on this one? I mean, how could this guy afford to pay you?
Nash: Ooh, I know, I know. He knocked off a check cashing joint.
(On the phone)
Cassidy: Listen, what's going on with this dinner thing tonight? Because Grandpa seems a little uptight.
Nash: Uh, apparently he's moving out of my place and into a retirement home.
Cassidy: Well, is that a good thing?
Nash: No, I don't think it's a good thing.
Cassidy: Okay. So what are we gonna do about it?
Nash: Well, we're gonna listen politely, act sympathetic, and then we're gonna come to the same conclusion that it's a terrible idea.
Cassidy: Okay, so we're gonna present a unified front?
Cassidy: Um, Daddy, is that a little, you know, sneaky?
Nash: It's sneaky, it's unfair, it's manipulative, and totally acceptable. Which is why we're doing it. Got it?
Cassidy: Yeah, got it.
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