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Nash (after Rick sits down on the plane next to Caitlin & Nash): Love the new 'do, Rick.
Rick: Not even you are this good.
Nash: No, sometimes I just get lucky.
Caitlin: Sorry I couldn't find your ball.
Nash: Ah, fate brought it into my life, fate took it away. Hopefully somebody else will get lucky.
Caitlin: What kind of luck did it bring you?
Nash: I met you.
Caitlin (laughs): Yeah, how many years did you have it before that happened?
Nash (laughs): I didn't say it worked fast.
Nick: You're gonna miss your plane again.
Nash: Actually, I told Ms. Caitlin that the plane leaves an hour earlier than it actually does.
Nick: I used to pull the same thing on your mother. (Nash laughs) She's not the most prompt woman I ever knew.
Nash: It's a lotta fun, isn't it?
Joe: You know, I gotta admit, I'm impressed. Who woulda thought he had it in him?
Nash (phone rings, answers it): Nash.
Rick: Hello, Nash, old buddy of mine.
Nash (covers phone, to Joe): Got 'em. (into phone) Rick, where are 'ya buddy? Everybody's getting a little concerned.
Rick: Oh, they are? Oh, I'm touched, truly.
Nash: Rick, that means get your ass in here with that money.
Rick: Uh, that's a no, Nash. The money now belongs to me.
Nash: Rick, uh, look, we can call this temporary insanity if you want, but just bring the money back, alright?
Rick (laughs): Nash, all my life people have been dumpin' on Rick Bettina, but no more, not gonna happen anymore, buddy.
Nash: Rick, if you take this money, you're gonna go to jail. If you go to jail, you're gonna be in a jail cell and you won't be the husband. Do you get my drift?
Rick: Buddy, there's not gonna be any jail cell. This was the perfect crime. The perfect crime! I'm gonna miss you, Nash, I really am, but I'm not gonna miss anything else.
Nash: Rick, don't do this.
Rick: Look, Nash, one day you'll be able to tell your grandkids that you knew the Rick Bettina. (laughs) Okay, have a nice life. Bye, bye.
Nash: Rick-- Rick don't hang up. (Rick hangs up) Rick? (to Joe) I don't believe this. He's actually gonna do it.
Nash (sees Gordon tied up in his hotel room): Oh, good. Somebody did everything but read him his rights.
Gordon: That bastard.
Nash: What happened?
Gordon: I was robbed.
Evan: Check it out. A lot of traveler's check receipts here, no cash.
Gordon: He took the cash. 2 million bucks.
Nash: The cash you stole from pension fund somebody robbed from you?
Nash: Who's brilliant idea was that?
Gordon: You guys know him. He used to be a cop.
Gordon: The man who stopped me at Arnold's house.
Nash: I mean, he's killed twice and that would make you an accessory, correct?
Carol: Bite me.
Nash: You're not very bright, are 'ya?
Carol: You just don't get it. This is pointless. I love Gordon, I'm not givin' him up.
Nash: Last chance.
Carol: Screw you.
Nash (to Joe): How did I know she was gonna say that? (dumps the contents of her purse on the table) You know what, I'm kind of glad you did say that 'cause I have this theory. I'm thinkin' that you two lovebirds haven't seen each other in a while and he's gonna wanna hear your voice. (holds up her pager)
Joe: Mm. So as soon as he pages you, we'll run a reverse directory, go to the address and take him down.
Nash: You know what the really, really fun part is? Afterwards, we get to talk to the judge and tell him how incredibly uncoroporative you were.
Joe: You'd be amazed how easily the phrase 'maximum sentence' just leaps out of a judge's mouth during those situations.
Carol: He's not gonna page me guys, he doesn't have my number.
Nash (laughs): You'll forgive us if we don't believe you.
Carol: Come on. He really doesn't. He doesn't have my number.
Nash: Shhh. Shh. I wanna be able to hear the pager.
Carol: Come on, guys. I--
Nash: Shh. Shh.
Carol: Okay, he's gonna kill me if he finds--
Nash & Joe: Shh!
Carol: Alright! He's at the Emerald Palace hotel, room 317, okay?
Nash: Your secret is safe with us.
Joe (picks up a briefcase): What's this?
Nash: Oh, that's Rick Bettina's briefcase. Son of a bitch! I haven't even seen this gag in 15 years.
Nash: You drop by on a bogus mission, leave your briefcase with a recorder in it, you come back in an hour and pick it up. (tries opening it) He didn't even lock it, the stupid bastard. (opens it, showing the recorder) And listen to what was said.
Joe (laughs): Bettina's buggin' us.
Nash: He always does.
Nash (sees Joe with a torn up baseball): Tell me that's not what's left of my baseball.
Joe (sighs): Not it is not.
Nash: What are you up to?
Joe: Oh, nothing anymore. But I'll tell you what Caitlin's up to. She's scouring the city, putting up flyers, interviewing people on the street.
Nash: Why's she doing that?
Joe: Because she loves you, and she thinks you're disappointed in her. So stop mopin' about the baseball, and why don't you cut her some slack, okay?
Nash: I already did.
Joe: Yeah, well she hasn't got the memo yet.
Rick (entering the SIU): Nashy!
Nash: What is it with you? You spend more time here than you ever did when you were actually a police official.
Rick: Hold on, don't get mad at me. I got a great lead on Gordon Keller that I wanna share with you.
Nash: I'm listening.
Rick: Well, it's very sensitive information.
Nash: This is a police station, I think we're gonna be safe enough.
Rick: Come on, a little privacy, please?
Nash: Alright, come on. (they walk to the back of the SIU) Okay, Rick, this is about as private as it gets, unless you wanna get a room together.
Rick: Okay, Nash, here it is... I got nothin'. Nothin'. Another dead end.
Nash: Are you on some kind of medication?
Rick: Fine. Here's the favor I need for you, when you find out where Keller is, do me a favor and give me the collar.
Nash: No. (laughs) You want us to do all the work and you take the credit? Absolutely not.
Rick: Yeah, come on. Just this one time. Throw me a bone, I'm a desperate man, Nash.
Nash: That is a lovely speech, Rick. Lovely, lovely, speech. But I got a job and the job has obligations.
Rick: Alright, look, if you give it to me this one time, I'll never ask again.
Nash: Forget it. We've been through this. I am not allowed to give information to civilians.
Rick: Ah, come on. That's what you consider me after all this time? A civilian?
Nash: But that's what you are.
Nash: Alright. And technically the answer is 'no.' (Rick walks out) Nimrod.
Joe: What's the matter? I thought you and Nash made up.
Caitlin: Oh, we did but I just still feel so bad. I wish I could find that ball.
Joe: Are you sure it's gone? I mean, did you look?
Caitlin: Yeah, yeah, we looked. We looked out on the street. Well, he mostly looked because I was a little bit mad at him still so I didn't look that hard.
Joe: It's gotta still be there. I mean, it didn't just disappear. Maybe you can still find it.
Arnold: Where do I go?
Nash: Hotels for you. Room service and specter vision, courtesy of the city.
Evan: Man, extremely cute.
Harvey: Isn't he?
Evan: No, I meant your babysitter.
Harvey: Robin? You touch her, you're dead. (Evan laughs) I'm serious.
Rick: I just single handedly collared Gordon Keller.
Arnold: I'm his brother!
Rick: Do I look stupid to you?
Joe: You don't just look stupid, this is Arnold, Gordon's twin brother.
Rick: Oh, nice try. Arnold has a goatee, I was just talkin' to him at the house.
Joe: You were just talkin' to him?
Rick: Yeah, I talked to him. Him and some blonde girl.
Joe: Oh, well, congratulations, Rick. You just let our two fugitives slip right through your fingers, you moron!
Rick: Hey, Joey, just the cat I was looking for.
Joe (sighs): The SIU is off limits to you, Rick.
Rick: Come on, Joe. I've got this genius lead on Gordon Keller's whereabouts I just-- I need a little smidgen of police computer time to follow up.
Joe: Why don't you ask Nash?
Rick: Because he'd say no.
Joe: What makes you think I won't?
Rick: Because I'm going to give you 20 percent of the reward when I catch him.
Joe: Really? Not interested.
Rick: Oh, come on, Joe. That's $20,000 for a couple seconds of computer time, come on.
Joe: Rick, that would be unethical.
Rick: That's why I'm comin' to you.
Joe: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, okay?
Nash: Alright. What's going on with this Gordon Keller deal?
Joe: Well, we've established that he and Mueller were partners in crime. They've taken about $5.1 million out of the city pension fund the last two months.
Nash: Oh, that's good. What else?
Joe: Well, his secretary is also his girlfriend.
Nash (laughs): I bet you can't find her either.
Joe: Nope. We went to her house, she wasn't there. But we did find a bounty hunter there.
Nash: What bounty hunter would be low enough to try and make money off of city workers who've lost their pension? (cuts to Nash & Joe interviewing Rick)
Rick: As you may or may not recall, I am still a licensed bounty hunter. I was pursuing Gordon Keller a wanted fugitive which is my right, by the way, and Carol Beaudette's place was my best lead.
Nash: Uh, I believe you mean our best lead. Good-bye, Rick. You don't work here, go on.
Rick: Aren't you supposed to be in Jamaica?
Nash: Things change.
Rick: Whoa. What does that mean? Does that mean that you're going to give up the option on Caitlin?
Nash (laughs): No. It means things change, Rick. You know, like you used to work here, you don't work here anymore. We still work here and we wanna get back to work.
Rick: I don't know what you're sayin'. Are you telling me that you can't use my help?
Nash: That's it. I'm tellin' you that we can't use your help.
Rick: Oh, come on. I'll do all the work, you guys can take all the credit.
Joe: Yeah, but you will keep the city council's $100,000 reward money, huh?
Nash: And keep your campaign goin', right?
Rick: You know, I don't believe you two. You never, ever, have worked with me. You've only ever worked against me.
Nash: Get outta here, Rick. Go on. Have a nice day.
(Caitlin bought Nash a baseball)
Caitlin: It's signed, right there. See? Willie Mays.
Nash: That's so thoughtful. (they hug) I appericate it. Thank you. ... But you can take it back.
Nash: When I was a kid, I used to go to games at Candlestick Park, and my friends and I, we'd sit in the right field bleachers. And one day, we sat in the left field bleachers, just a random choice, and my biggest hero Willie Mays smacked a grand slam home run right to us... and I caught it. I waited for two hours after the game for him to sign it.
Caitlin: That's really beautiful, Nash. ... Unless of course, you're me. Are you trying to make me feel worse? 'Cause I dunno what--
Nash: No, no, no, no. Look, what I'm tryin' to say is that... I shouldn't have acted that way, and I'm embarassed at the way I behaved. I just-- at least you know why now.
Caitlin: I don't ever remember being quite that angry. I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
Caitlin: Oh, yeah? What was so good about it?
Nash: Well, you were very passionate. (they kiss)
Caitlin: What was so bad?
Nash: You're aim.
Caitlin: You're still disappointed, aren't you?
Nash: ... It's just a baseball.
Caitlin: Anything, I should be doing, Joe?
Nash: Yeah, Joe, you could tell her that she could be doing a sweep of all the places our guy could hop, like cars, trains, planes, that sorta thing. Oh, and you could notifity all the travel agencies and airlines to be on the lookout.
Caitlin: Oh, you can tell him that I'd be happy to because I have no problem leaving the SIU to get to the airport.
Nash: Oh, Joe, you could tell her that on her way to get to her airport, there's a little place there on her left, it's called Candlestick Park. That's where Willie Mays used to play.
Caitlin: You know, you could remind him that it's called 3com Park now, and the only people who still call it Candlestick, are people who live in the past. (Joe goes to say something, but is cut off by Nash)
Nash: Joe, you could tell her that people with a heart, still call it Candlestick. The house that Willie Mays built. (Caitlin just shakes her head and walks away)
Joe: So glad I could help.
Caitlin (after they missed their flight): You know, this wasn't my fault.
Nash: Oh, yeah? Who's was it?
Caitlin: Yours. Your the one who had to stop at the office, like some sort of disease or something, you know I've heard about it, but now I've see the results up close and personal.
Nash: No, no, no, no, no. Don't go there, sister. I was packed and ready last night. (notices Nick on the couch) What are you doin' here?
Nick: Taxi didn't show.
Nash: And it didn't occur to you to call another one?
Nick: Well, I guess I don't have to now, do I? I'll be in my room.
Nash: You didn't plan to go over to Joe's in the first place, did 'ya?
Nick: No! I'm an adult. I don't need to be baby-sat!
Nash: Huh. Says you. (Nick slams his bedroom door)
Caitlin: Well, I guess you're alienating just about everybody today.
Nash: Well, there's a reason for that. You see, I'm a little tense. I need a vacation.
Caitlin: I was ready.
Nash: Oh, yeah. Except for a few minor accessories.
Caitlin: Alright, alright. Don't push it.
Nash: You want me open up a few windows around the apartment so you can wear your sweater around here? (Caitlin throws a magazine at Nash, and misses) Hey, I haven't read that yet.
Caitlin: Oh, poor baby, he hasn't read it yet.
Nash: I'm seein' a side to you that-- (Caitlin throws a pillow at him, and misses. Nash laughs) You weren't really tryin' to hit me were 'ya? (Caitlin picks up a baseball) No, no, no. Not the baseball. Not the baseball! (she throws it, it goes through the window) That was my Willie Mays baseball.
Joe: Hey, takeoff is in two hours, what are you doin' here?
Nash: I'm just checkin' in for a coupla minutes. Makin' sure that everything is okay.
Joe: Everything is just fine. So, go check in at the airport.
Nash: Okay, okay. Fine, bye. (starts walking out)
Harvey: Boss, aren't you supposed to be gone?
Nash: I'm goin', I'm goin'.
Joe: So what's a stockbroker doing dead in Keller's house?
Nash (walks over, overhearing): I'm gonna venture to guess, that he has something to do with the city's pension fund.
Harvey: Bingo. Mueller was pickin' investments for the fund. He was supposed to be the check for Gordon Keller's balance.
Joe: So they stole the money together.
Evan: Uh, looks that way.
Nash: Yeah, that is until Gordon decided to go solo. Somebody outta contact Arnold and see if he knows where is brother is.
Joe: I have an appointment with Arnold in 15 minutes.
Nash: That's good, that's good. Oh, uh, run the investment history on Keller. See if he's hidden the money somewhere where it's traceable.
Evan: I'm on it.
Harvey: I'll help. (they walk off)
Joe: See? You're not the only one who can delegate.
Nash: Um, listen do you think I should push this trip back for a few days?
Joe: No, no, no, no, no. There will be plenty of crime when you get back. Now, go get outta here.
Nash: Alright. (turns to leave)
Rick (stopping Nash): Nash, Joe.
Nash: Two steps from a clean getaway.
Rick: I mean, after that entire bombing incident I became dissallusioned with the entire department. I mean, to blow up a suspects, really. That's crazy.
Joe: Yeah, crazy.
Nash: Wait, a minute, you are the person that flooded his entire house with gas.
Rick: Yeah, well, okay, as senior officer on duty, I supposed that I have to take responsiblity.
Nash: No, Rick, you turned the gas on!
Rick: Nash, whatever, dude. It doesn't matter. It's fine. I'll be your scapegoat, it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm movin' on. I'm gonna go work I'm my campaign.
Joe: You're still running?
Rick: Yeah, I'm still running. Joe, did you know that the Chinese character for crisis is the same as the one opportunity? Do you know who taught me that? My best friend, Nash Bridges.
Nash: Okay, look, good luck with everything, alright?
Rick: Nash, wait. I wanna address the troops. Stick around. (walks to the middle of the SIU) Hey, everybody can I have your attenetion, please? Please? One second. I just wanna tell you how proud I am of the work we did together here. You know, all the cases, or gigs as it were, that we cracked, it's been a real honor. It really has. And I want you to know that it wouldn't be SIU without you. (everybody just groans/sighs, and walks away, Rick turns to Harvey, shakes his hand) Leeks.
Rick: Cortez, good luck. (they shake hands) Sorry, about the testicle. (sighs) I just didn't think it would be so hard to leave this place.
Nash: Rick, lemme show you how it's done. Watch this. (walks out of the SIU to catch his flight)
Harvey: The first uni on the seen saw Keller inside but he's not answering his phone.
Nash: Where's SWAT?
Harvey: They were here, they were dismissed.
Nash: Who dimissed them?
Harvey: The ranking officer.
Nash: Rick Bettina.
Rick (walks up): Nash. Joe. I'm so glad you guys could come down and observe.
Joe: Observe what? You being a jackass? This is our case.
Rick: No, no, I am the Director of Police Investigations.
Joe: Oh, yeah, D.O.P.I. Dopey.
Rick: Look, I am down here to observe and oversee the capture and arrest of the man who swindled the good workers of this city out of their hard retirement money.
Nash: Rick, this wouldn't have anything to do with you running for city supervisor, now would it?
Rick: Well, Nash, poltical windfall would be purely conicidental.
Nash: Okay, lemme tell you what's gonna happen now. I'm gonna get on the phone and call SWAT back down here. You're gonna go back to city hall, are we clear?
Rick: No, no, no. You don't gotta do it. I got 'em. I crawled under the house and opened up the gas main, you can smell gas, right?
Nash: Rick, have you lost your mind?
Rick: This is gonna work. This is gonna work like a charm, I give him five, six minutes before he -- (Gordon Keller's house blows up)
Nash: Maybe sooner.
Joe: So, why'd Caitlin choose Jamaica?
Nash: Uh, Nairobi was too hot, Alaska was too cold, Jamaica seemed just right.
Joe: What did you use? The Goldielocks and the Three Bears travel agency?
Nash (laughs): Caitlin booked it. Are you sure you don't mind if Nick crashes at your place while we're away?
Joe: Are you kiddin', man? I haven't been to a strip bar since Inger left. (Nash glares at him) Just kidding, just kidding. Oh- by the way, I got you a going away present. (takes an air freshener out of his pocket, it's shaped like a chile pepper)
Nash: Really? What's that?
Joe: It's an air freshener. I thought I'd spruce up the 'Cuda.
Nash (sniffs it): What flavor is it?
Nash: What good does an air freshener do in a convertible?
Joe: It's like saying a woman shouldn't wear perfume if she's gonna go outside.
Nash: Bubba, that's a hell of a long way from perfume, I gotta tell 'ya.
Nash: Hi yourself.
Joe: Uh, not to pry, but aren't you supposed to be thousands of miles away, on a beach somewhere with a pink drink with an umbrella in it?
Nash: We missed the plane. Nonrefundable tickets, you know.
Joe: So, you're not talking to each other because you missed the flight?
Nash: No, no, no. We were still talking to each other after we missed the flight. It was when she threw my baseball out the window, that's when we stopped talking to each other.
Joe: Not the Willie Mays baseball?
Nash: That baseball.
Joe: Say it ain't so. You found it, didn't 'cha?
Nash: Back, back, back, back, back, back - Gone! I'm going to tell 'ya, I searched for two hours.
Caitlin: You know what? It's just a baseball. The thing doesn't have magical powers.
Nash: That's like saying that a Picasso is just like a painting.
Nash: A painting! You know, one of those things that you hang on a wall. (Caitlin sighs) You have no idea how much that meant to me, do you?
Caitlin: Stop it. Just stop it. That's all I ever hear, is how it's all my fault. You know why? Because you- you won't take responsiblity for anything, so I wish you'd just grow up! (she storms off)
Joe: So, I guess, uh, Jamaica will have to wait, huh?
Nash: I'm thinkin' that it's gonna be waitin' for her for a long time.
Nash: That's like saying that a Picasso is just like a painting.
Pablo Picasso was an Andalusian-Spanish painter, draughtsman, and sculptor. As one of the most recognized figures in twentieth-century art, he is best known for co-founding the Cubist movement and for the wide variety of styles embodied in his work.
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