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Nick: When I went into the Navy, I wasn't prepared for boot camp. They took everything away from you, girlfriend, family, job, everything. I remember thinking I don't know who I am. What the hell they gonna get out of me like this? I didn't know at the time but things could only get better. You can only control what you can control, Nash.
Nash: Uh, let's get clear on something. You really gonna put Mr. Woody up against Loretta's horse?
Nick: Without reservation.
Nash: What time's the race?
Nash: Do you want some company?
Nick: Love some.
Nash: Wow, I actually have something to do today.
Nash: Who is it?
Joe: Your former partner.
Nash: You may be right.
Joe: Why do you say that?
Nash: No, no. You give me your news first.
Joe: Okay, well, the armored car thing was gold. We nailed the inside guy. Actually, Birdsong did.
Joe: Yeah. He's not a bad cop. He's not gonna have a second career as a talk show host.
Nash: So you can wrap it up, huh?
Joe: Yeah, as soon as we figure out what their next target is.
Nash: Well, that's good.
Joe: How was your day, dear?
Nash: Well, I heard form the police commission. They're not going to review my appeal.
Joe: Well, why not?
Nash: Well, in their view, I'm not being harmed. In fact they see it as me getting a ten month paid vacation. No harm, no foul, no intervention.
Joe: Well, that is a total nightmare.
Nash: It's no dream, bubba. It's very, very real. Plus, Nick's pissed at me.
Joe: Ah, wonderful. Well, if it's any consolation, I've worked Bettina down from a size 10 1/2 to a size 9 shoe.
Nash: You're right, that does make me feel better.
Joe: Hey, and you'll always have me.
Joe: I've got lots of ideas for new businesses.
Nash: Now I'm really depressed.
Evan: Alright, boss, we'll see 'ya.
Harvey: Hang in there. (Evan, Harv & Joe leave)
Nash: Yeah, I'll-- I'll just be uh, holding this chair down.
Nash: Well, you realize if I take 10 months off from the S.I.U, that Special Investigations Unit goes right down the drain, you know that don't 'ya?
Danny: I wish I could help, but I can't.
Nash: Why not?
Danny: Because, technically Bettina is correct. If I were to override a departmental regulation because you and I are old buddies-- It wouldn't be right.
Nash: So, you're willing to look the other way when the best unit in the S.F.P.D goes to hell and a hand basket just because you're married to the mother of the moron that's destroying it. That's okay?
Danny: No, that's life.
Nash: Well, Danny, I knew that love was blind but this is just plain stupid.
Lynette: You're not enjoying this free time concept are you?
Nash: Ha! In a word-- No. I used to think it'd be great to not have a job where I had to work so hard.
Lynette: Ah, I don't believe it.
Nash: Well, it was usually when things weren't going so great with one ex or another.
Lynette: Changed your mind?
Nash: I can definitively say that the grass is definitely not greener.
Joe: It's simple, Nashman, we're qutting.
Nash: No, man you can't quit.
Joe: Hey man, I got my 22 years in. I don't need any more of this abuse.
Harvey: I'll take a partial pension, Nash, I mean I'd-- I'd rather be a rent-a-cop than work for Bettina.
Joe: Hey, don't knock rent-a-cops.
Evan: I'm gonna transfer to vice.
Nash: Come on guys, I promise 'ya I'm coming back.
Joe: Yeah. Well, when?
Nash: I've already filed my complaint to the police commission.
Evan: Can they overturn the chief?
Nash: When they find out that the chief married into Bettina's family, I gotta believe.
Harvey: Well, Nash, but what's the time frame?
Nash: We're lookin' at a week.
Harvey: Ugh. It'll be the longest week of our lives.
Nash: Okay, so tell me what's going on with this case.
Joe: The one you're not workin'?
Nash: Just out of curiosity.
Nash (looking at the coffee machine): What in the hell is this and who put it here, the Russians?
Joe: This dispenses the world's worst coffee products, and Bettina put it here.
Nash: The man has got to be stopped.
Joe: This is just the beginning, man. Now there's no unauthorized overtime, no milage allowances, no breaks longer than 10 mintues and if you wanna go to the bathroom you gotta punch in and out. (Rick walks by them)
Nash: I'm thinkin' he needs to be punched out.
Joe: When are you coming back?
Nash: Sooner than soon. I'm meetin' in the morning with the chief.
Joe: Bettina's stepfather? That's how he got the job in the first place.
Nash: Look, Bettina's interpretations of the rules are like lame, I don't give a damn who his mother is. (sees the clock out machine) What's that?!
Rick: Joe's time card I'm clockin you out.
Nash (covering his ears and walking away): Don't tell me I don't wanna know.
Rick: I don't if you take personal breaks as long as you log out.
Joe: I'm workin' here.
Rick: Alright, alright. I'm logging you back in.
Rick: Where's my pen? Which one of you has my damn pen?
Joe (to Evan): I bet I know where that and a couple of other large objects are located.
Rick: Who has my pen?
Joe: We don't have your damn pen.
Rick: Okay, Joe, it's not a damn pen. It's a 24 karat gold pen that my mother gave me, it's worth like, 150 bucks. Okay, no one's going anywhere tonight until I get this pen.
Harvey: Oh, good-- Rick, did you ever consider making yourself available to chemical companies for experimentation?
Rick: Okay, okay, funny man. That's it. It's official no one is going anywhere until that pen appears right here. I'm not kiddin'. Where is the pen?
Evan (picks the pen up off the floor): Is this your pen?
Harvey: The culprit was gravity.
Joe: Better suspend the universe.
Rick: Thank you, Cordova.
Evan: It's Cortez.
Rick: Okay. I want to apologize for accusing you all falsely. I can admit my mistakes, that's leadership.
Nash: Say good-bye, Lynette.
Lynette: Bye, Rick.
Rick: Why do you hang out with this guy, anyway, huh?
Lynette: He's got a lot more free time.
Rick: Leeks! Leeks! Where are you, Leeks?
Harvey: Uh, that would be Leek, Richy, no 'S.'
Joe: So Lynette spotted this guy while you were driving?
Nash: Yeah, apparently she's my good luck charm.
Joe: Yeah, well, here comes your bad luck charm.
Rick (walks up): Bridges, what kind of games are you playing?
Nash: Rick, the crime scene is all yours, alright?
Rick: You sent me on a wild goose chase, didn't 'ya? You sent me to Jim Wilson's house when you knew where he was.
Nash: Yeah, right after I planned the Kennedy assassination. Come on.
Rick: I want to know what happened here.
Nash: I'm outta here. Harv, fill him in. I'm on vacation.
Rick: Hold on, hold on. Let's just stop walking. Birdsong, use your eagle eyes, your keen senses. You tell me exactly what happened here.
Birdsong: Guy got shot.
Nash (laughs): He is good. Wow.
(On the phone)
Joe: Hey, your phone must not be working, I tried calling your cell.
Nash: I turned it off.
Joe: You're kidding. You turned it off?
Nash: I'm on vacation, why can't anyone accept that?
Joe (laughs): Yeah, starting with you?
(Nash keeps taking phone calls)
Nick: You sure seem to be enjoying your time off, son. (Nash's phone rings again)
Lynette: Go ahead, let it ring. You're on vacation. (Nick laughs)
Nash: What, you think I won't?
Nick: No, I think you can't.
Nash: Well, I've been thinkin' about taking you fishin' anyway, Nick. Why don't we go out and see if we can snag a few tomorrow after I have that meeting with the chief?
Nick: I'm sorry, son. It's my weekly get together at Three Oaks. Poker day.
Lynette: I have plans, too, so...
Nash: Oh, alright, well, I guess I could catch up on a little reading.
Nick: Well, that's how it starts. Don't sit down, son, you'll atrophy.
Rick: Bridges, which part of 'on vacation' is it that you don't understand?
Nash: Relax, Rick. I'm off the clock.
Joe: Hey, guess who foiled the robbery.
Rick: Oh, yeah, like what am I going to believe that you just happened to be here?
Nash: Rick, how would I know that they were going to rob the joint?
Rick: Yeah, that's what I wanna know.
Nash: You better double up on your medication.
Rick: Congratulations, Nash, Joe. Job well done.
Nash: Why thank you, Rick. That's very kind.
Rick: Yeah, I think it's nice to go out with a bang. (Nash waves him off, Joe looks confused) You know, Nash, I was perusing your personnel file the other day and I came across something very interesting.
Rick: Yeah. Did you know according to department regulation article 327 section 4, that no officer is expected to work more than 224 days a year and every officer is expected to take a minimum of 14 vacation days a year. And any officer who doesn't take his 14 vacation days may accrue them. And you, Nash Bridges, you have so far, accrued 317 days of vacation.
Harvey: Boss, that may be a record.
Nash: That many, huh?
Joe: Yeah, I'da guessed low 400s.
Rick: And furthermore, also according to regs, any D-12 supervisor of above, that's me-- May force any lieutenant grade or lower-- Nash, that would be you. To take his vacation time.
Nash (laughs): Rick, are you giving me the day off?
Rick: I'm not giving you the day off, no Nash, I'm giving you the next 10 months and 13 days off.
Nash: Rick, you are not my commanding officer so... (waves his hand at Rick)
Rick: Not in chain of command, no. But S.I.U does fall under my adminstrative supervision. And Nash, I assure you, I'm within my power to do it.
Joe: He's gotta be kidding.
Nash: Or insane.
Rick (puts a paper on Nash's desk): Here's your official notification. We'll get your desk warm, we'll see you sometime in, oh, next year. (walks off)
Nash: What is wrong with him?
Lynette: Remember when I kissed you in this car?
Nash: What! You never kissed me in this car.
Lynette: Ha! I did so. I was 15, a little catholic school girl, blue dress, and you were my older sister's studly college boyfriend. And you picked me up from school that one day. Come on, you don't remember that?
Nash: You're delusional it never happened.
Lynette (laughs): I see, I see. So your memory is not only photographic but it's selective.
Nash: I'm not speaking to you anymore.
(After Nash catches Rick in a technicality and Rick allows Nash to come back)
Rick: Look, Nash, to tell you the truth I kinda missed having you around. Welcome back. Here's your timecard, you go punch in buddy.
Nash: A couple of other issues, Rick. Uh, that coffee machine, outta here.
Rick: Come on.
Nash (to Joe): You still got that sledgehammer?
Joe: Uh, yeah. (hands it to him)
Nash: And that time clock? Well, Rick it's time to punch out. (hits the timeclock with the sledgehammer and everyone cheers) Now what else is there around here that needs to go? You!
Rick: You can't get rid of me.
Nash (walking him out of the SIU): Rick, you can supervise from your old office, down at the hall of justice. You'll do a lot better there kissing ass then you do trying to kick ass here.
Rick: Yeah but I won't be able to help you out on a caseload basis.
Nash: And that's a good thing. You need to step back, let me cover everything. Everybody'll be a little happier. You'll be happier, I'll be happier. Everybody.
Rick: Hold on a second. You're telling me you're gonna do all the work and I'm gonna get the credit? Alright, that sounds fair.
Nash: It's the arrangment the chief and I have had for years. Seems to work. (he leaves and everybody cheers and claps)
Lynette: It's impossible to get any sleep around here.
Nash: Well, some of us work for a living, sister.
Lynette: Still in denial, huh?
Nash: Yeah, pretty much.
Nick: That was good.
Lynette: You can cook.
Nash: Two dishes, and don't act so shocked. Where's my daughter?
Nick: She called, she's stuck at work.
Nash: This late?
Lynette: This isn't late you're just never here.
Nash: Yeah, well I used to have this day gig.
Lynette: How can Rick take your job?
Nash: Rick didn't take my job. His mother's married to the chief of police it's a long story.
Nick: I know his mother. Loretta Bettina Rooney. She has horses.
Nash: She does?
Nick: Yeah. She's loaded. Realstate. She's a wiz for biz.
Nash: Huh, well apparentally that gene didn't get passed on to her son.
Cassidy (walks in): So dad what's this I hear about you getting fired?
Nash: I didn't get fired.
Lynette: That's not what Rick said.
Cassidy: Who's Rick?
Nick: The guy that fired your dad.
Nash: I didn't get fired! Okay? It's just a temporary situation it'll work out.
Nick: I remember when the union let me go because of my age. Don't let lack of activity slow you down, son.
Lynette: Oh boy. Cassidy warned me about this.
Nash: About what?
Lynette: The control thing. Always having to have the last word.
Nash: I don't have to have the last word.
Lynette: Yeah, you do.
Nash: No, I don't.
Lynette: You do.
Lynette: You do!
Eileen Brennan is credited as a Special Guest Star.
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