Tony B. fakes his death after he rips off a mob boss with ties to Nash's past. Nash uses this as an opportunity to put the mobster away for good. Joe catches Ulla smoking pot. Nick gets arrested for protesting against the demolition of a building, but cannot remember why the building is so important to him.moreless
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Tony 'Tony B' Buccelli
Tony B (after they open the casket and get him out): Oh yes, precisous sky, open space, oh I love thee.
Nash: Gold first. Poetry later.
Brennen: You know why Kelly could never stay with you, Bridges? 'Cause I ruined her. She never got over me. You know how I know that? Because she used to call me even after she was married to you. (laughs) You didn't know that, did you? Yeah, she used to climb outta your bed and call me. That women-- she could beg like no woman I've ever known. (Nash shoots him. Joe looks shocked. Nash flips over the table Brennen was sitting at. There was a gun taped on the underside of it)
Nash: Lucky guess.
Joe: Now, look, correct me if I'm wrong, but... Our first go around with Shaw, way back when was right around the time you started hanging out with Kelly. Am I right? (Nash looks at him) Just hear me out, okay? I'm figuring she must have had something to do with him back then, or maybe she was his girlfriend... And if I put two and two together... I'm thinkin' that you stole Shaw's chick from him and that's why Shaw hates your guts so much.
Nash: You're close.
Joe: Close enough to know that I can't let you go after him, man. Tell me if I wrong...
Nash (pauses): Kelly was with Shaw when I met her. She was a lotta trouble. He had gotten her into a lotta drugs, she was a mess. He wasn't about to let her go. ... In fact, I think if I hadn't come along, she probably wouldn't have made it.
Joe: So you set him straight?
Nash: That I did. ... But I've never forgiven that son of a bitch. Kelly asked me to... made promise that I wouldn't tell anybody about that part of her past.
Tony B: Listen, man, you saw my funeral, right? I mean, I haven't left much of a legacy, and I think for the first time I found something real with Sherry. I thought you know, I could pull off this one final scheme and I could get, man. I just... couldn't pull it off.
Nash: Damn, Tony, I'm almost touched. I'm gonna need to testify against Shaw.
Tony B: No problem.
Nash: Both of you.
Sherry: Fine, okay.
Nash: You know, you're not off the hook yet.
Tony B: Oh, I know. I know.
(After Ulla put her weed in the stew to hide it from Inger, Joe, Inger and Ulla, all ate it for dinner)
Joe: Hey, Nashman, what's up?
Joe: Uh, Joe's not here. (Inger and Joe laugh)
Nash: You can say that again. (he turns off the music) No wonder you couldn't hear the phone ringin'.
Joe (points to Ulla): I dunno where she got it from, man, but that's some kick ass weed.
Inger: Nash, why don't you try out some stew? It's on the table. Mama made it.
Joe: Oh, yeah. Go for the stew, Nash.
Nash (sticks his finger in the stew and tastes it): Nah, that's okay. I'm drivin'.
Nash: She caught you with the joint in your hand?
Joe: The proverbal smoking gun.
Nash (laughs): What did you tell Inger?
Joe: I told her the truth.
Nash (shocked): No! Wow. What'd she say?
Joe: Well, she didn't believe me. I knew it was the wrong stratgey at the time. I just couldn't help myself.
Nash (laughs): So Ulla bailed on 'ya?
Joe: Ha, like a paratrooper.
Antwon: That's an interesting choice of wardrobe for someone who doesn't want to be caught.
Cassidy: Yeah, nobody quite pulls off yellow like Tony B.
Nash: Okay, you wanna tell me why you smell like the inside of a head shop?
Joe: Well, I checked on Ulla. Guess what? She's a pothead.
Joe (laughs): My mother-in-law is a stoner. (Nash laughs with Joe now) She got one of those quack homopathic guys to write her a prescription for weed and she filled it at one of those cannibis clubs.
Nash (laughs): You're kidd-- For what?
Joe (mimicing Ulla): Oh. her arth-reetas.
Nash (laughing): What's Inger's take on this?
Joe: Oh, Inger doesn't know, and Ulla's begging me not to tell her.
Nash: Uh, she is aware that the fed's frown on the smoking of marijuana in a police officer's house?
Joe: Uh, y'know, I don't really think she understands me. And if she did, she's too stoned to care. (Nash and Joe laugh again)
Tony B: Gotta admit that it was a beautiful plan.
Rachel: It didn't work, Tony.
Tony B: See? Now why you gotta be so down?
Nash: And I was almost missin' you.
Tony B: Son of a bitch, undertaker, Marley, robbed me.
Nash: And then I spent some time with you, and it all came back to me.
Tony B: Because you love me so much?
(Tony is talking on the phone to Marlon, and Nash takes the phone from Marley, Tony still thinks it's Marley)
Tony B: And what is up with you inviting a cop to give my euligi? I mean, what the hell were you thinkin'?!
Nash: Well, I was the only one the voluneteered, Tony.
Tony B: Oh, Nash, hey what's up? Oh man, I was just gettin' ready to call you, bubby.
Nash (laughs): Well, I got a better idea, why don't you just saddle your little monkey ass up and come on down here, we got a lot to talk about.
Tony B: You know, I'd like to, I really would, but no can do right now, man.
Nash: Really? Why not?
Tony B: Well... I don't know. I got a lotta things goin' on here, man. Hey, listen, by the way, thanks for showing up at the funeral, I was suprised, man and kinda touched too.
Nash: Yeah and givin the feeding frenzy around your demise, I'm gonna say that I'm the best friend that you've got.
Tony B: Yeah, I apperciate that. But the world thinks I'm dead, and I kinda went through a lotta trouble to make that happen, and I kinda would like to keep it that way, 'ya know?
Nash: Sorry. Your little Huck Finn routine blew that one. Now, you either tell me what's goin' on here or your friend Marley's gonna tell me and if he has to tell me, you're gonna wish that you were dead the next time that I get my hands on you. Am I being heard?
Tony B: Yeah, I hear you and listen I appericate it. But look, if you at the other side of this equation here, if you check my will Nash, you're gonna find that I left you my books, okay? Those are Jerzy Kosinski signed first editions. There all yours, alright? I gotta go, man. I'm losin' 'ya. (hangs up)
Rachel: What'd he say?
Nash: He wants us to come and find him.
Joe (about Tony B's 'death'): You know, even though that guy lied to us every chance that he got, and even though, he never met a shady deal he couldn't resist, which always came back to haunt us, even though I'd be hard-pressed to find a good word to say about 'em, uh... I feel bad 'ya know?
Nash: Yeah, I'm gonna miss 'em.
Rachel (arriving at Tony B's funeral): This looks more like a wedding than a funeral. Are you sure we're in the right place?
Nash: Are you kidding me? Every shady character and slime ball in San Francisco is here.
(Nash finds Tony B digging up a grave plot, looking for something)
Nash: Tony. (Tony gets startled) Hi.
Tony B: What's up, Nash?
Nash: Doc Frankestein's lookin' for 'ya. Wonderin' how's it comin' on that brain?
Tony B (climbs out of the plot hole): Yeah. That's pretty funny. Let me tell you something, I own this plot, I have a perfectly legitment right to visit my final resting place any time. Don't I?
Nash: Whatever you say.
Tony B: That's what I thought. Hey what's that? (Tony points to behind Nash. Nash turns his head to look. Tony hops on a little go-kart thing. Nash turns back to see this and he throws his arms up and walks back to the 'cuda, then they cut to Nash driving along side Tony)
Nash: Tony, I got my foot on the brake and I'm still goin' faster than you.
Tony B: Sorry, Nash. Listen I can explain everything, all right?
Nash: Now that would be the highlight of my day.
Nash: What happened to your morning cereal fix? Inger isn't feeding you?
Joe: Inger isn't the problem. It's Ulla, she comes down every night and pounds down a bowl or two of that cereal and puts the box empty, so Inger never knows were out and I starve.
Nash: So you're mad at your mother-in-law because she ate your count chocula? (laughs)
Joe: And I realized somethin' else, man. My mother-in-law is never gonna ever leave the house. Ever.
Nash: Uh, you know... I'm not a licensed theapist, but...
Joe (sighs): I'm in mother-in-law hell.
Nash: Joe, Inger's not gonna divorce 'ya if you put your foot down and tell her that the old lady's gotta go.
Joe (laughs): What planet are you living on? See, that's why you never stayed married. You don't know the fine art of caving. (Nash laughs)
(After seeing Tony B at his own funeral then chasing him but he gets away)
Rachel: That was Tony B? He's alive?
Nash: For the moment.
(At Tony B.'s funeral, people were just asked to come up and say something on Tony B's behalf)
Rachel: Are you gonna say something?
Nash (scoffs): No. (everyone in the room is silent and doesn't get up to say anything on Tony B's behalf)
Rachel: Oh my God, this is embarrassing. Somebody's gotta say something.
Nash: Well, lemme tell 'ya somethin', sister, it ain't gonna be me.
Marley: Sir? Do you have something you'd like to share?
Nash: N-No, I was- I was just uh, (points to Rachel)
Marley: Sir, up here, so everyone can hear you, please.
Rachel: Yeah, go on. ... Honey.
Nash: You know just 'cause you're a woman doesn't mean I won't shoot you.
Nash (gets up and goes over to the podeum): Okay, uh... What can you say about Tony. B? He was a ---
Man: A no good, son of a bitch, Nash.
Nash: Yeah. You could take that position.
Woman: He was a two-timer, a cheat, and a thief!
Other Woman: He deserved to choke on that chicken bone.
Nash: Now, hold on. I've never been heckled at a funeral before. Give me a minute here, I mean, surely we're not all here out of hatred, spite, and malice. (everyone is silent) Okay, well, um... I mean... none of us are so pure of heart th-that we could condemn this man. (Nash notices Tony B in disguise in the back) Of course, on the other hand, Tony was a liar, a cheat, uh... and at best a fair weather friend. Hmm, as a matter of fact women used to say that makin' love with Tony B was like openin' a bottle of champagne. Pop, it's over. (everyone laughs) Yep. Two minutes later, flatter than a flitter. Yeah, but uh... I really hope that Tony B, uh... rests in peace and uh, hopefully, we'll get to see each other again... real soon. (calls out to Tony B in the back) You there in the back? Yeah, you, the one pickin' your nose. You wanna come on up here and say a few words? (Tony B quickly, but slowly exits the church)
Jeff Perry (Harvey), does not appear in this episode.
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