Nash is out of action after Caitlin's gun accidentally discharges, and he gets shot in the butt. Much to his chagrin Nick tries coddling him. Joe and Bettina do a joint investigation with FBI agents to bust a clever con-artist, only to find out the entire thing is a con. Cassidy meets a guy, which angers Evan, leading to a fight. Things get worse when the guy turns out to not be at all like he he first appeared.moreless
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Caitlin: Is Nash around?
Nick: No, he went to work.
Caitlin: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought he had the rest of the week off.
Nick: Yeah, those are the doctor's orders so of course, he had to disregard them. Stubborn man, my son.
Caitlin: Yeah, no kiddin'.
Rick: Nash, what are you doing here? You weren't due back for a couple days. It must've been pretty boring where you were. Unlike all the action that's been going on around here.
Nash: What action, Joe?
Joe: Uh, ask him.
Nash: What action, Rick?
Rick: Action? I don't even know why I used to word 'action.' There was no action, in fact, it's been pretty boring. Tell 'ya what I'm gonna do, I'm on my way out. I'll catch 'ya later, bubba.
Rick: What is your problem, huh?
Joe: I have a wife and two children that are dependent on me, Rick. That's my problem.
Rick: Look, I know you're upset, okay? I'm upset, too. But this underlying hostility towards me over Nash is not helping matters.
Joe: Oh, my god. You are so clueless. You think Nash likes you, huh? You think that Nash is like your best friend? Think again. He tolerates you because your mother is married to the chief. I mean, he humors you because it's easier than dealing with you. He gives you credit for things that you don't deserve credit for because he has a soft spot for you. And he knows that if your step-father knew what a bozo you really are you would've been canned long ago. And that's just for starters.
Rick: Your jealousy over my relationship with Nash is pathetic and pathological. You know what? You need help. You do, you need help. It kills you that I'm always going to one step ahead, like when I scored the phone number from that babe in the restaurant. That just drove you crazy. Can I help it people like me? You know, I got these pheromones, they're attracted to me. Women love me. It's a gift.
Nash: I got a little show and tell over here for 'ya.
Caitlin (notices her gun): Well, where'd you get that?
Nash: Oh, from a friend of a friend who owed me a favor.
Caitlin: Is there anybody that you don't know, Nash?
Nash (laughs): Uh, M.C.D, has limited resources to investigate. (starts taking the gun apart) So even though they took your gun apart and found it all in good working order. What they didn't do is investigate each part individually. They put it back together, found out that it fired okay. But they missed the hidden defect.
Caitlin: And you found out about it?
Nash: Well, yes, I did. You see, I have all this free time on my hands as you can imagine. And I know a thing or two about guns.
Caitlin: Well, you're just a renaissance man.
Nash: Oh, no. Not quite. (holds up a tiny spring) Now get this, the spring on this particular model of gun can sometimes weaken and expand especially after heavy use.
Caitlin: Like when I rapid fired multiple clips?
Nash: Exactly. So as the gun ages, this spring, the weaken spring can cause an unexpected release to the firing pin ergo the primer and the bullet.
Caitlin: And maybe cause the gun to misfire.
Nash: Head of the class.
Caitlin: Well, Nash, wait a minute. Is this just a theory or can you prove this?
Nash (hands her a piece of paper): This is a signed statement from the range master.
Caitlin: So you going to tell me why you're doing all this? Hmmm? I mean, ever since I came into your life, I've been nothing but a pain in the ass. I mean, hell, I shot you in the ass.
Nash (laughs): I dunno, call me crazy. I just kinda like having you around. (Caitlin kisses Nash on the cheek, then on the lips)
Nick (walks in, catching Nash and Caitlin kissing): Oh, ah, 'scuse me.
Caitlin: Oh. It's okay, um, I was just leaving.
Nick: You're sure treating her differently from the last guy who shot you. (Nash shoots Nick a look)
Harvey: If they take the money out of my paycheck every week I only work for free until I retire.
Evan: Yeah, then what?
Harvey: And then I can start repaying them out of my social security checks.
Joe: Okay. You guys, let's not panic, let's just, you know, quietly leave the country.
Harvey: I think that we should call Nash now.
Evan: Rick, he's going to find out anyways.
Rick: No, we got ourselves into this problem and we're gonna get ourselves out.
Joe: We didn't get ourselves into anything, you got us into this.
Rick: You know what, I don't mean to brag but I did more today that Nash Bridges ever could've.
Joe: Like, what? Break the soda machine?
Rick: Joe, that was not my fault. How was I supposed to know it didn't take Canadian coins?
Cassidy: Okay, look, let me make this perfectly clear for you. We're over. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want you coming to my dorm room unannounced. And you know what, I'm trying not to bring my Dad into this but if you don't stop, you'll leave me no other choice.
Evan: Wait a minute here. Look, I tried to say I was sorry, okay? I made a mistake. I tried to call you and you hung up on me. Don't make it seem like I'm acting irrational here.
Cassidy: Deny it, Evan. That's really helpful. (turns to walk away, Evan grabs her arm)
Evan: Deny what?
Cassidy: Don't touch me! Stay away from me, Evan, stay away from my friends, just stay away.
Evan: You know what, Cassidy? It seems that you have no time at all for me but you have all the time in the world for bozos like this guy.
Cassidy: You know what? You know what I don't have time for, Evan? Is this drama, okay? So if you wanna believe that I'm sleeping with this guy so you can feel angry. Okay. He's the great big love of my life. Do you feel better?
Joe: Listen, can you call Bettina and tell him that he doesn't rule the world?
Nash: I can call him and I can tell 'em. I don't think it'll do a damn bit of good.
Joe: How would you like to go undercover with Rick Bettina, the world's worst driver?
Nash: Oh, no, man. You're not lettin' him drive?
Joe: He pulled rank. I had no choice.
Joe: Uh, could you tell your bouncer it's okay?
Nash: It's okay, Nick. He's with me.
Nick: You're the lousiest patient I've ever seen!
Caitlin (walking, notices the flowers): Hello? Oh, very pretty. Secret admirer?
Nash: Overly concerned sister. You're not carryin' a gun are 'ya?
Caitlin: No, chicken soup.
Nash: Excellent. Thanks. Have a seat.
Caitlin: Oh, that's okay. I-I can't stay. I just came by to see how you were feeling. F.Y.I, M.C.D is taking over the investigation of the shooting.
Nash: You're investigating yourself? Now, that would be a conflict of interest, I believe.
Caitlin: The range master will be working with another M.C.D investigator.
Nash: Mm. Dicey.
Caitlin: So, um, I was wondering that when they ask you what happened what you were going to tell them?
Nash: Well, unfortunetly my back was turned and I didn't see.
Caitlin: Nash, come on. You know I didn't pull that trigger, don't you?
Nash: If you say so, yeah.
Caitlin: I don't want you to agree with me. I want you to believe me.
Nash: What's the difference?
Caitlin: The difference is if they don't believe you I could get suspended or worse.
Nash (laughs): I have no control over what they believe or not.
Caitlin: Oh, you are so impossible. You know, I actually came over here to suck up to you, but forget it. I can't do it. (takes back the pillow she gave him)
Nash (laughs): Wait a minute, where are you going with my pillow?
Caitlin: It ain't you pillow.
Nash: You just gave it to me!
Caitlin (walking out): Well, I'm taking it back.
Nash: Don't fall down the shaft.
Caitlin: You wish.
Nick: What are you doing?
Nash: I'm getting O.J.
Nick: I'll get the O.J, you're not supposed to be up. Assume the position.
Nash: Nick, it's a flesh wound. Not a head wound.
Nick: I knew you'd be in denial.
Nash: It's not denial. I'm in discomfort.
Rick: I know we don't always see eye to eye and you don't always agree with my methodology. But lately I'm thinkin' that all this friction between us is, like, maybe, the green eyed monster rearing it's ugly head. (Joe looks at him) Jealousy.
Rick: Joe, Nash has a big heart. There's plenty of room in there for both of us.
Joe: Rick, has anybody ever told you that you're diluted beyond the point of no return?
Rick: Let me put this in a way that everybody understands. You all hate working for me, right?
Evan, Harvey & Joe: Right.
Rick: Okay, you wanna get rid of me? Here's how you do it. Make me look good for the F.B.I. Help me crack this case and maybe one of their recruiters will notice me and I'll get to fulfill my lifelong ambition of being a special agent, alright? Then I'm out of your hair forever. So let's just move. (walks up)
Harvey: Bettina in charge. Is that sixth or seventh sign of the apocalypse?
Joe: Bettina, what are you doing at Nash's desk?
Rick: I'm filling his shoes. What are you doing coming in five minutes late?
Joe: I was filling my gas tank.
Evan: You know, I really miss you.
Cassidy: Me, too. Really.
Evan: Yeah, but why do I get the feeling that if you really wanted to see me you'd make time?
Cassidy: I hate to break it to you, Cortez. But you're a lot of work. And time is something that I just don't have a lot of this semester.
Evan: Okay, so then how about a long lunch tomorrow?
Evan: What do you mean, 'no'?
Cassidy: I can't I have a labs tomorrow, Evan. You're making this way more difficult than it has to be.
Evan: Okay, look. I can take it. What's his name?
Cassidy: Well, paranoid boy, he doesn't have a name. Because there is no one else. ... Unless you count Walter.
Evan: Walter? Walter, who?
Cassidy: He's my frog. I'm dissecting him in biology lab.
Nash: How long until I can go back to work?
Doctor: Give it a week. Stay off your feet.
Nash: Oh, that's good. How do you do that when you can't sit down?
Doctor: You were lucky. A few inches higher and you'd be shopping for a kidney.
Nash: Well, now the only thing I want to shop for is getting out of here. Can I go?
Doctor: If you can walk.
Nash: That would be the question of the hour.
Rick: Are the rumors true?
Caitlin: I'm not really sure what the rumors are.
Rick: That you shot Nash.
Caitlin: Okay, look, I'm going to tell you this once, okay? It was an accident. The gun went off, it ricocheted, it hit Nash. It was a malfunction, that's all.
Rick: You just couldn't take it, could 'ya?
Caitlin: Excuse me?
Rick: You've had it in for Nash ever since the day you met. The tension has been building. The gun did not malfunction, you did.
Caitlin: I am going to pretend that I did not hear that.
Caitlin: Oh, Nash. There seem to be some missing files on the Gordon case.
Nash: The reason you're missing those files is because M.C.D. took them and never brought them back.
Caitlin: Well, that's not possible because M.C.D does not make mistakes.
Nash: Oh-ho, everybody makes mistakes, Ms. Cross.
Caitlin: I expect those files on my desk by this afternoon.
Nash: Yeah, me, too.
(Harvey is posing as a waiter in a restaurant and hands Frank Corvin his bill)
Corvin: Finally, the bill.
Harvey: Actually, it's not the bill. It's a warrant for your arrest.
Caitlin: Nash, I-- I swear to god I didn't pull that trigger.
Nash: The benozcaine in my backside says differently. And that would be the second shot I've had today.
Joe: Uh, would you two like to be alone?
Nash: No, no, no, not on your life or on mine.
Caitlin: The point is I'm trying to apologize, Nash and you could be gracious enough and accept it.
Caitlin: "Yes." That's it?
Nash (makes a face): Yeah.
Caitlin: Why do you always have to be so damn glib. (she walks away)
Joe: Careful, Nashman, remember what happened last time you pissed her off.
Nash: Yeah, really.
(Rick hits Nash's shoulder after he got shot in the ass)
Nash: Ohh, ohh. (painful laugh) Rick the shoulder bone is connected to the hip bone, baby.
Joe: You coming?
Nash (using a crutch): I'm having a little problem getting started. Can you give me a push?
Joe: Well, certainly there.
(After Caitlin shot Nash)
Dr. Berry: I don't know who's the lucky one him or you.
Caitlin: Knowing him, him.
(Looking at Nash's x-ray after he got shot)
Joe: That's the bullet, huh? It looks smaller than the last one. When was that three years ago?
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