Nick: I just wanted you to know that I didn't mean to burn up your chair.
Caitlin: I know.
Nick: And I'm sorry.
Caitlin: No, Nick, I'm sorry. I should have discussed it with you before I started redecorating the entire house.
Nick: Anyway, I may be late in saying this but... welcome.
Caitlin: Thank you.
Nick: Good night, dear. (walks off)
Nash: See there? He's warming up already.
Nash: Now that's what I call an excellent dinner. (laughs)
Caitlin: Mm, yeah. Well, I'm not such a great cook but I'm fabulous at take-out.
Nash: Must be some sort of karma thing like on an ex-wife gourmet cook level.
Caitlin: Oh. Oh, god. You are not even comparing me to one of your ex-wives because I think... I think I have a few bags still packed.
Nash (laughs): Get over it. I'm smarter than that.
Evan: Hey, Harv? Listen, I wanted to apologize about today. I-I thought I was back.
Harvey: You shouldn't be testing it out in situations where you could wind up dead, man.
Joe: You're under arrest for unlawfully disobeying a police order.
Shelby: You can't be serious. Like that's gonna stick.
Nash (laughs): It will long enough for us to get some satisfaction. Ooh, gosh. I almost forgot. Can you believe that? You're also being sued by Tammy Draper.
Joe: You know, the hostage? For 3.5 million dollars. Least you know that your lawyer is gonna get rich.
Shelby: You have no right.
Nash: Oh, yes we do. Now, that's a story.
Cassidy: What do you want?
Evan: Well, I just, uh, you know, I've been thinkin' a lot lately, you know, I've had a lot of time to think. You know, laying in bed in the hospital and stuff.
Cassidy: Is that what you do these days in bed? Think?
Evan: Okay, fine. Fine. I deserved that. Cassidy, I wasn't ready to get married, okay? I know that now. And I wasn't ready to admit it to you or to myself. So I did something incredibly stupid to screw up our relationship. And I'm sorry. I-I understand if you don't wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.
Cassidy: You know, I don't know how you could think that that's even remotely possible.
Evan: I was just hopin' that maybe we could still be friends.
Cassidy: No. No. I don't want to see you at all.
Evan: Cassidy, I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry.
Cassidy: I heard you. Now get out.
Cassidy: Evan, get out! Go, Evan.
Nash: Rough night, bubba?
Joe: Well, that's a nice way of putting it.
Nash: What are you gonna do about this?
Joe: Oh, I don't know. Ride out the storm until it blows over or her mom dies, whichever comes first. (Nash laughs)
Nash: Well, hi, there. (leans down to kiss her)
Caitlin: No. I'm not gonna be nice. (nods towards her chair)
Nash: Oh, oh-ho, oh. The chair business. Yeah. (starts laughing)
Nash (laughs): Well, the look on your face when that chair spontaneously combusted was pretty funny. (laughs)
Caitlin: Mmhmm. Well, you know what? You are gonna buy me a new one.
Nash: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm buying nothing new.
Nash: Not until my couch is put in it's original position.
Caitlin: Come on, how is that fair?
Nash: Who said I played fair? (Caitlin wraps her arms around him) Hey, hey, hey, what kind of business is that?
Caitlin: What do you mean? (Nash leans into kiss her) What are you doin'? (they kiss)
Nash: I don't know.
Caitlin: Are we fighting or are we making up?
Nash: Both. (they kiss)
Caitlin: Hey. You heading out?
Cassidy: Yeah. I'm gonna meet up with a friend of mine from Paris. She's got this boyfriend in a super weird band. They perform in nothing but body paint.
Caitlin: Oh. Sounds uh, good. ... Cassidy?
Caitlin: Are you okay with this?
Caitlin: With me living here... It just, um, well, it feels a little awkward to me all of a sudden. I just drop into your life.
Cassidy: Are you serious? Because I thought that I was imposing. You know, I just like to crash out here until school starts.
Caitlin: Well, I guess, we won't wait up.
Cassidy: Good idea. ... Caitlin? (Caitlin turns to look at her) You know about Evan, right?
Caitlin: Yeah. Yeah, I heard.
Cassidy: Well, this is gonna sound really pathetic but, I don't hate him.
Caitlin: That doesn't sound pathetic at all.
Cassidy: It's just that I have all of these conflicting emotions and... I don't know what to do.
Caitlin: Well, how about nothing, until things become a little clearer.
Cassidy: You think?
Caitlin: Yeah. It's always worked for me.
Cassidy: Thanks. (they hug)
Nash: I'm gonna put Caitlin on it first thing in the morning.
Joe: Mm. Speaking of which, she doesn't work at night anymore?
Nash: She works at night. She'd be here except that Nick burned up her new chair. It was an accident, I think.
Joe (laughs): Isn't it nice to know that we it gets too stressful at home that we can always escape to the sanity of our job?
Nash (laughs): Tell me about it.
Nash: Uh, you're the guy who's supposed to be at home packing.
Joe: Well, believe it or not, this is less stressful. I told Inger I wasn't gonna make the trip with her.
Nash: Oh-ho. Where 'ya sleepin' tonight? (laughs)
Joe: Don't laugh. I might be knockin' on your door. (Nash laughs)
Caitlin: Could you just look?
Nash: Look? At what?
Caitlin: Your father. He's smoking a cigar in my chair.
Nash: Where's he supposed to smoke it?
Caitlin: Well, he usually never smokes in a chair, he usually smokes outside and he never smokes before dinner, it's always after and not on my furniture.
Nash: He's not supposed to use your furniture? (laughs)
Caitlin: No, no, Nash, that's not what I meant. I meant that he's doing this passive-aggressive thing, he's mad at me because I misplaced his other furniture.
Nash: Uh, Nick, don't you usually smoke your cigar after dinner?
Nick: Well, I felt like having one before dinner. Is there a problem?
Caitlin: Uh, you know what? We don't need to discuss this now, it's okay.
Nick: You know, I'm sitting here reading in this chair because my chair's been moved to Siberia, you know? What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to sit?
Nash: Where'd you get the furniture anyway?
Caitlin: Oh, my roommate from college, she's this fabulous designer in DC, she has all this stuff custom made, she decided she doesn't like it.
Nash: Oh-ho, she doesn't like it? (laughs) Now that's interesting.
Caitlin: Very funny, stop it. It's great stuff, it's very chic.
Nash (following a suspect): Well, I'll be damned. Did you see that guy? He ran a stop sign and went the wrong way up a one way.
Joe: He's gotta know that we're here.
Nash: I'm gonna have to give that boy a ticket.
Joe: So how'd it go? You and Evan?
Nash: It went.
Joe: Come on, man, share it. It'll help you, the tops of your ears are red.
Nash: I accepted his apology and told him to never bring up Cassidy's name again.
Joe: Mm. And?
Nash: And, what?
Joe: How you gonna handle it?
Nash: I'm going to go on with my life. Cassidy's gonna go on with hers. And if Evan gets anywhere near it, I'm gonna run him over.
Joe: That's reasonable.
Nash: Yeah, my problems right now are on the home front.
Joe: What, Caitlin and Nick?
Nash: Yeah. The great refurnishing wars.
Joe: Ah. So what was wrong with the old stuff?
Nash: It wasn't her stuff.
Joe: Ooh, I know this tune.
Evan: Look, Nash, I wanted to apologize.
Nash: Look, if you want me to punish you, that's not gonna happen. One would think that you've already punished yourself enough.
Evan: Yeah, I know. I just-- My behavior, it was unprofessional and it was stupid. And as far as Cassidy goes--
Nash: No, no, no, no. We're not gonna talk about Cassidy at all. From this point on, our relationship is gonna remain professional, okay? Get it? Got it? Good.
Evan: Yeah, I understand.
Caitlin: So how's Jerry?
Harvey: Jerry, boy. He's the cutest and I'm not just sayin' that because he's named after my idol, Mr. Garcia.
Caitlin: Oh, no, no, of course not. I didn't even think that. What's uh, what's the address?
Harvey: 254. You didn't ask about Anna.
Caitlin: I was going to, I-I...
Harvey: Caitlin, I don't get it. As much as I've gotten involved in Jerry's life, it's like she's determined to be not very nice to me.
Caitlin: Well, Harvey, what did you think? You could get this woman pregnant, you could leave, and she would welcome you back with open arms?
Harvey: Ah, well, hey, first of all, I didn't know that she was pregnant. Secondly, among several possibilities, I thought yeah, it is one legitimate possibility.
Harvey: Nah? That's the female perspective on it?
Caitlin: You got it.
Nash: Nick, can I talk to you for a second?
Nick: Aw, hell. I knew that this was bound to happen sooner or later.
Nash: Uh, I'm sorry, Nick.
Nick: No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for letting you talk me into moving in here and I'm sorry having put you in a position where you have to ask me to move out...
Nash: What? (laughs) I'm not asking you to move out.
Nick: Don't soft soap it, son. Three's a crowd, you know it and I know it.
Nash: I should've told you about the furniture, Caitlin asked me to, but I just--
Nick: Got caught in the middle.
Nash: Somethin' like that. But we'll work it out.
Nick: Whatever you say.
Nash: Nick, I need you to just be patient for a little bit. She needs to just settle in and, 'ya know, we kinda all need to get used to each other, and then everything will be peachy, alright?
Nick: Oh, will you ask her to stop eating my rice cakes?
(After Caitlin redecorated Nash's apartment)
Nick: Next thing you know, she'll be carting me off. I'll be in my room.
Joe: Nice plants.
Nash: She likes plants.
Joe: A couple more and you'll have your own weather system in here.
Nash: Uh, hello.
Caitlin (walks up): Hello.
Nash: Oh, hi.
Caitlin: So do you like the new couches?
Nash: Um, they're um... yeah.
Nash: Yeah. No. Uh, let me just ask you one thing, sweetheart. Uh, just out of curiosity, when do you think that you're gonna be actually, fully, sort of moved in? Because I sort of need to apprise Nick. I think he's feeling a little left out of the loop, you know?
Caitlin: I'm in. I'm in.
Nash: Okay, good.
Caitlin: I mean, you talked to him, right?
Nash: Oh, yeah, I'll uh... (to Joe) give me a minute, alright?
Joe: Oh, come on, man. You've been living with her for over two weeks now, so give me some dish here.
Nash: Well, I'll tell 'ya this. Let me just say that I've learned a few things.
Joe: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Nash: Alright, let's say that she's somewhat irritable before she has that infusion of java first thing in the morning. And, uh, she does this cute little talking thing in her sleep.
Joe: Oh, yeah?
Nash: And now I have all of these strange items in my refrigerator. And she takes too damn long in the shower. There. Are you happy?
Joe: Yeah. The question is, are you happy?
Nash: I've never been happier. Well, except for my other two honeymoons. (they laugh) So how about you and Inger? You're off to Sweden tomorrow night?
Joe: Ah, don't bring me down. Come on, man. (Nash laughs) You know, this is the third time that we've been to Sweden because her mother is supposedly dying. This woman has been dying since she's been born, man. (Nash laughs) Last time she wasn't supposed to make it through the night, we flew over the pole, got there in the middle of winter-- She's outside chopping wood.
Nash (laughs): Chopping wood?
Joe: In Swedish. (they laugh)
The ending of the opening theme "I've Got A Friend" changes back from a piano to an organ in this episode.