NCIS

Gibbs: Your speakers are broken. Abby: Oh Gibbs. That was my favorite part of the song! Gibbs: Correction. Your ears are broken.

Palmer: Did you meet any of his wives? Ducky: I introduced him to the last one. Palmer: Really? What went wrong? Ducky: Well, it's difficult to say, Mr. Palmer. She doesn't talk to me anymore.

Gibbs: (to Saleena the psychic after he saves her from being shot) Didn't see that one coming, did you?

Cooper: I have a policy, Agent Gibbs. You share information with me, and I share it with you. Have a deal? Gibbs: That kind of goes against my policy, Cooper. Cooper: Which is? Gibbs: Throw people in jail who obstruct my investigations.

Tony: Why don't we just drag McAllister in for questioning, boss? Gibbs: Because his lawyers make more in one hour than you make all week. Tony: Ah, that's an excellent point. So, you're saying that I deserve a raise.

Tony: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. Kate: Seen what? Tony: Kate Todd acting like a high school girl with a crush. Kate: Oh, he's not a murderer, Tony. Tony: I'm sorry, were you using a new NCIS magical murderer detector back there? Kate: My gut! Tony: Heh, if you were a guy I'd say you were using... Kate: Don't even say it if you want to live.

Abby: Hey Kate, I got something for ya! (Comes out from under car, holding a fish). I think it's one of your old boyfriends. (Kate laughs and takes a photo) Tony: (Laughs) Haha! You get it? It's a cold fish...(Kate glares)

Tony: So because I grew up with money, that somehow makes me bad. Very deep. Kate: Well, it's better than having to work every day, like I had to. Tony: Listen, you think money makes life easier, huh? Everything was just a big old cakewalk for little Anthony DiNozzo? Tell me, Kate, 'cause I really want to know. Kate: I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't mean anything by it. Tony: 'Cause you want to know the answer to your question? Yes, money makes a huge difference, huge. I miss it every single day of my life, so much it makes me want to cry. Kate: You're pathetic. Tony: It's part of my charm. Kate: Yeah.

Abby: The bullet entry into the side of the door is as obvious as Anna Nicole's implants. Gibbs: Who? Abby: You know married that old guy, had a TV show, got fat, got thin, got fat, got thin, fat, thin. Gibbs: Stop.

Tony: Kind of like Anna Nicole. Cooper: Who? Gibbs: That's what I said.

Cooper: (to Kate) OK to smoke in here, sweetheart?

Kate: Do you always work on your own planes, Mr. McAllister? Tom McAllister: Whenever I can find time in my busy social schedule down at the club, Agent Todd.

(looking at the book McGee is holding) Tony: Celebrity P.I. Never heard of it. No. McGee: I'm not surprised you never heard of it, there's no pictures in it.

Ducky: Do you suspect foul play? Gibbs: Well, you know me, Ducky... I suspect everything. Ducky: That's an admirable trait in an investigator. And also the reason your three marriages ended in divorce. Gibbs: Oh yeah? All these years I thought it was because I was a bastard. Ducky: Well, of course that didn't help.

Tony (when McAllister said about to have a dinner with Kate in New York): New York? I love New York! Kate: It's a small plane, Tony. McCallister: Maybe next time. (Tony looks a little bit sad)

McGee (trying to open the door): Boss, it's locked. Gibbs: Yeah, McGee, it's kind of a point to have a door.

Kate: So, how do I look? Tony: Ah. Kate: What do you mean "Ah"? Tony: Ah, you look fine!

Cooper: Heard about me? Gibbs: No, it's on your card.

(About Tony and herself to one of Tony's ex's) Kate: Yeah... we've been married for a few years now.

Cooper: The McAllister family has more skeleton than a North Korean prison camp.

(The car hits a bump and McGee falls back) Kate: You know we really should get a seatbelt back there. (Tony reaches between Kate's legs) Kate: Hey! What the hell are you doing? Tony: Looking for my fork. Kate: (Hits him) Well, I can guarantee you won't find it there.

Tony: Ha-ha, you know what movie this reminds me of Kate? Kate: The Wizard of Oz? Abby: I'll get you my pretty. Tony: No, I meant the one they make you watch in high school, thirty minutes of cops pulling dead teenagers out of car wrecks. Abby: Oh my God! I love those: Blood on the Highway, Drink, Drive, Die. I keep hoping they're going to release them on DVD.

Gibbs: Special Agents...
Saleena: Gibbs and DiNozzo from...uh... NCIS. How may I help you?
Gibbs: You're the psychic, you tell me?
Saleena: Brian McAllister, you found his remains in Black Lake.
Tony: Wow she's good, Boss.
Gibbs: It's on the news DiNozzo.

Gibbs: Well good, call him. You're having dinner with him tonight. Kate: What if he says no? Tony: Oh the way he was looking at you, I think you're gonna be the one saying no.