NCIS Season 3 Episode 12

Tony: Hey listen, if this thing goes off, I just want you to know...
Ziva: (interrupting) This is not your fault, I know.
Tony: Uh, no, I was going to say your life would have had more meaning if you would have slept with me.
Ziva: If you had anything else in your mind, Perhaps I would have.
Tony: Really?
Ziva: Um, no.

Tony (after finding the explosives): Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Ziva: Perhaps, if it involves a violent and a painful death.

(Captors speaking foreign language)
Tony: You understand that gibberish?
Ziva: A little.
Tony: What's he saying?
Ziva: They're either discussing letting us go, or the best way to murder us. It's a complicated language!

Tony: Friction burns? (on Ziva's knees)
Ziva: Yeah, what difference does it make?
Tony: Ah, it doesn't. I was just wondering how you got 'em.
Ziva: Well, if you live long enough, maybe I'll tell you someday.
Tony: You know, I can only think of two ways. Were you and McGee and Palmer playing Twister?
Ziva: What's a Twister?
Tony: Exactly. That means you were having... (gets interrupted)

Ziva: Counting your riches, King Cole?
Tony: Midas. King Cole had a merry old soul.

Tony: Well OUR money doesn't smell. Here, try it. Give it a little sniff.
Ziva: Ooh God! It smells like stale alcohol and... your armpit.
Tony: Hmmm. Well the point is it doesn't smell like ink.

Ziva: You know what? You're brilliant! Genius!
Tony: You know sarcasm is the refuge of a shallow mind?

Abby: (runs and hugs Ziva) I'm glad you're not dead.
Ziva: Me too.

Tony: (after a bullet ricochets through the box) Why are you on top of me?
Ziva: I'm protecting you, Tony!
Tony: Don't!
Ziva: Well, you didn't seem to mind when we were undercover.
Tony: That might have had something to do with the fact that you were naked!
Ziva: Perhaps if it were warmer in here.

Tony: (after finding a lot of cash) Ziva, when we get out of here, I'm buying you a house! (pause) But it's going to have to be a fake one... because this money is counterfeit.

Abby: Why does he do that Ducky? (about Gibbs)
Ducky: Do what?
Abby: Withhold.

Tony: What is it about being locked in a box that makes me so...
Ziva: Horny?
Tony: ...Hungry.

Tony: Maybe there's a crate full of DVD players in here?
Ziva: Ooh... let's not forget the battery-operated generators and the popcorn machines!

Tony: I'm not getting any reception. How about you?
Ziva: I'm braless!
Tony: I noticed that earlier, but on your phone there are bars...

Tony: I've never even been to your place and you are cooking dinner for McGee and the autopsy gremlin... At what point did the earth come off its axis?

McGee: Where are you going?
Ziva: I've been locked in a box all day, the ladies room.

Ziva: I think we've been screwed in here Tony.
Tony: The term is bolted.
Ziva: Same difference.

Gibbs: You see that?
McGee: That guy back there? (Gibbs backs the car up)
Gibbs: The guy stuffing money in his pockets.