NCIS

(To McGee, on battle reconstruction) Gibbs: I want it so real, I can smell the sulphur! McGee: Yeah!

Henry: Gibbs. Gibbs: Hey, morning Henry. Henry: That sushi place you sent me to. Gibbs: What? You didn't like it? Henry: Liked it fine. Only you didn't tell me I had to speak Japanese to order. Gibbs: You don't order. You eat what you're served with a smile. Just like being married.

Ernie: I don't think he believes me kid. Tony: Me either. Ernie: What do you know? You weren't even a gleam in your old man's eye.

Tony: So what's it feel like. Ernie: Smooth. Tony: No I mean being a hero. Ernie: I'm no hero. Tony: The medal says you are. Ernie: The real heroes didn't come back. They deserve that (looks at medal). Not me. Not me. I was scared to death. I don't even remember doing what they said I did.

Yost: You, uh, got any use for a Metro ticket? Got ten rides left. Don't want to waste 'em. Tony: Ah... no, thanks. Yost: Come on, too much waste in this world. Everything's disposable now. Disposable cameras, disposable razors.

Abby: What do we have here, Gibbs? Gibbs: Murder weapon. Abby: Cold case? Gibbs: Icicles.

Coleman: Oh, yes, you will. You see this seal, Special Agent Gibbs? You recognize the signature? Gibbs: Yeah. Coleman: Your eyesight isn't as bad as they say.

Yost: It's not a water cooler, it's called a scuttlebutt. How long you been in the Corps, kid? Tony: Since I met Gibbs.

Kate: Since when are you interested in the ballet? Tony: Since about an hour ago. Kate: Let me guess the cashier at the bakery was wearing leg warmers. Tony: How do you know that? Kate: Must be the profiler in me.

Tony: Oh, boss, I got tickets to the National Ballet tonight. Gibbs: The National Ballet? Tony: Yeah. An-And the tickets are really hard to get. Tell him, McGee. McGee: Um... well... Gibbs: What nation? Tony: It starts with an "S."

Kate: So how am I supposed to get his SRB without a serial number? Gibbs: Well, Kate, you could ask him. Kate: Gibbs, I doubt that he could remember his shoe size. Gibbs: Corporal Yost. Yost: Yo. Gibbs: Serial number. Yost: 330090, sir.

Kate: Good news... I think. Gibbs: It's not good if you have to think about it.

Gibbs: You're not in custody, Mr. Yost. Yost: Now don't say that, Agent Gibbs. I didn't get anything for dinner tonight. Kate: I'd love to buy you dinner, Mr. Yost. Yost: You would? McGee: Me too. Yost: She asked first.

Kate: Commander Coleman is going to use this to put Yost away for the rest of his life. Tony: Do we have to tell her? Gibbs: Well, no, Special Agent DiNozzo, here at NCIS, we just report evidence we like.

Gibbs: Trace its origin. Abby: Don't I always? Hey, Gibbs, you gonna tell me what this is about? Gibbs: A marine who doesn't clean his weapon after firing it. Abby: Wow. Things must be really slow upstairs.

McGee: Oh, hey, there's another ballet in town, DiNozzo. I can get you two front row easy. Tony: Really? What ballet? McGee: The National. Tony: The National Ballet? Bravo, McGee. McGee: Oh. Only... Tony: Only what? McGee: The nation... Kate: Is not ours. McGee: Surinam. Tony: Surinam? The National Ballet of Surinam. How good can that be? Kate: Depends on how much you like her buns, Tony.

Gibbs: I found him downstairs. He claims to have murdered a marine with this .45. Kate: You believe him? Gibbs: He's a little foggy on the where and when, but pretty adamant he did it. Kate: Gibbs, we're not going to investigate this? Gibbs: No... Kate: Good. Gibbs: We're just going to humor him. McGee. Says he's been reporting this too, can't get anybody to believe him. McGee: Gee, what a surprise.

Gibbs: Ducky, what do you think he smelled in there? Ducky: I hesitate to ask.

McGee: The Washington Ballet is totally sold out. Tony: You're kidding. McGee: People were backed up trying to hack into the box office.

Gibbs: Come on Corporal. Let a Gunny buy you dinner. Yost: You -- you were never an officer? Gibbs: Oh HELL no! Yost: I knew there was something I liked about you.

Gibbs: DiNozzo. Make Mr. Yost here comfortable. Yost: You want me to be comfortable, slap a pair of handcuffs on me. Tony: How about something else? Yost: Any good at foot massages?

Yost: Oh. They took my license away. Tony: How come? Yost: Got old. It's a fatal mistake. But I can fly anywhere. For free. But I, uh... I don't have anybody to visit anymore.