NCIS

Fornell: How can you drink that stuff? Gibbs: Easy, it has alcohol in it.

Gibbs: You told me Petty Officer Smith was like a daughter to you? Vetter: What's that got to do with this? Gibbs: Considering you're sleeping with her, a lot.

Tony: I take it you knew her well? Catherine Reynolds: We spent a month together here. It's about as good a chick-bonding experience as any. (Catherine hugs Tony) Tony: It must be difficult. Catherine Reynolds: It's hard. Tony: I know. (Catherine grins and looks up at Tony) Catherine Reynolds: Really, really hard, Agent Tony.

Gibbs: Why? (Looks at blow up doll dressed in Abby's clothes) Abby: Well I was bored and I thought she needed a little personality.

Catherine: Are you a virgin? McGee: No. Catherine: Are you sure?

Abby: It's complicated. Gibbs: You don't know do you? Abby: Not a clue.

Tony: It's a well known fact, Mr. McGee, that women tell each other everything. Kate: That would explain why none of my friends would go out with you. Tony: I'm sorry... (finger to ear) Say something?! Kate: Nothing.

Abby: But, still there is a problem. Gibbs: How'd they hang her afterwards? Abby: Correct again my silver haired fox... I mean Special agent Gibbs.

Gibbs: You oughta try building a boat with hand tools after a couple shots of Jack.

Gibbs: Great work Abby (kisses finger) Feel better? Abby: Much.

Tony: Why didn't you tell him I had that idea? McGee: Tony, a wise man once told me... there is no "I" in team.

Tony: Kate, cuff this whack job.

Catherine: Don't touch me! Tony: You're not my type, lady.

Fornell: You know what might help me believe him, Gibbs? Gibbs: If he started crying?

Kate: How old, Abby? Abby: Well... she's old enough to turn Tony down. (pets him) Says she only goes out with guys in their 20s. Kate: Ooo, poor baby. Tony: She wasn't my type anyway. Kate: Well, that's a good thing. Cause I think it's time the sex machine hung his spurs up. Tony: (stands) How do you know about that? Kate: Your college nickname? Let's just say that dating your frat brother had it's advantages.

Kate: I'm very sorry for the sex machine crack Tony. It was insensitive and rude. I swear it won't happen again. Tony: Whatever. Kate: Damn it, what are you going to do with it, DiNozzo? Tony: I haven't decided yet. Thought it might make a nice poster. McGee: What would? Kate: I am warning you. It will be war, hell on earth. (Tony looks at Kate) McGee: What are you guys talking about? Tony/Kate: None of your business, Probie/McGee.

Gibbs: My first two marriages were based on appearances.

Tony: Thought you were dead, Fornell. Fornell: I got better. Tony: Does Gibbs know you're sitting at his desk?

Tony: Lot of overachievers and perfectionists lose it. My uncle ran a Fortune 500 company until they found him digging up holes in a golf course looking for mole people ... You're a perfectionist, aren't you Kate?

Doctor: I have a degree in clinical psychology. Do you have any expertise in the area, Agent Gibbs? Gibbs: No. No I do not. Just a BS meter.

Kate: Isn't he supposed to be dead? Tony: Got better. Kate: Does Gibbs know he's sitting at his desk? Tony: Nope. Kate: Oh, this is gonna be... Tony: Great!

Gibbs: Make sure he didn't do any of the virus Goatrope crap to my... my thing. McGee: Goatrope? Tony: Marine term. Probie. Kate: Means halfway between FUBAR and SNAFU. McGee: Ok... What's FUBAR? Tony/Kate: You are.

Gibbs: Why don't I believe that? Fornell: I'd say mostly because you're a bastard.

Kate: (about dummy on the bed) Look familiar, sex machine? Tony: Ha.. Ha...Now that you mention it....(pulls out PDA) No, it's a different style shirt. See? Kate: I'm begging you. Don't. Tony: You gonna be nice? Kate: (Fakely) Yes...

Tony: (doing situps) 13...15...17...19... Kate: Did you lose something down there, DiNozzo? Tony: 99...100... Just doing my morning exercise. Kate: Right. So how old's this one? Tony: Why does it always have to be about a woman Kate? Kate: Uh...cause we're talking about you. McGee: Got your favorite here. Bacon, sausage, cheese, breakfast burrito. Tony: (Sniffs). I'll pass. Too much fat. McGee: Must be really young. Abby: Oh, she is. Tony: I don't think they need to know about this Abs. Abby: She's um....5' 10", blonde hair, long legs, and gianormous headlights. Tony: (looks at her) The last part was really necessary? Abby: That's what you called them.

Tony: (types on his keyboard) Kate, I'd check your e-mail before we go. It's kinda important. Kate: (opens email, sees the picture of her in the wet t-shirt contest) Where did you get this? Tony: Wet t-shirt wall of fame. Spring break '94. Saw it while I was in Panama City last month. Kate: Oh my god. Tony: I was going to keep it to myself then you decided to tell everyone my pledge name. Kate: You wouldn't dare. Tony: Ohh... Kate: Tony... Tony come on... we can work this out.

Gibbs: Kate, you're with me. Tony: Uh... boss, what about me? Catherine: Conflict in the workplace? Tony: You have no idea. Catherine: I have a theory... that most of it results from unresolved sexual issues. Tony: Really? Catherine: Certainly has been the case for me (grabs his ass). I could use a drink how about you? Intern: Mrs. Reynolds, did you get the shirt out of the laundry room? You know, the doctor's warned you about this kind of behavior. Catherine: Yeah, well, the doctor doesn't have an ass like this one.

McGee: Tonight? (Gibbs looks) I'll get right on it... What about doctor/patient confidentiality? Tony: Doesn't exist in the military anymore, Probie. And sadly for some, it desn't exist between NCIS teammates, either. Kate: You're wasting your time. Doesn't bother me anymore. Tony: Probie, wanna see something hot? McGee: Sure. Kate: (grabs PDA) What's it gonna cost me? Tony: I don't know. You still have that Catholic schoolgirl uniform?

Tony: She didn't look like she was faking to me. Kate: Something tells me you say that a lot- Tony: Kate, when they pour cold water over your chest, doesn't that make you sorta... (shakes a little) Gibbs: Hey, DiNozzo!!! You do that again, I will put my boot so far up your ass...

Gibbs: Comfortable? Fornell: Not really. No lumbar support. And you should get a password to protect your computer. Gibbs: (pulls gun and puts it in drawer) That's what this is for.....What do you want Tobias? Fornell: I'm hurt. Can't an old friend just stop by to say hi? Gibbs: Well, you're old. I'll give you that.

Kate: There's no way he did it. Look at his reaction. Tony: Maybe he's just a good actor. Kate: Nobody's that good. Tony: (reaches inside jacket) I've been thinking Kate....about the photo. I'm sorry. I mean, you know I'd never give it out, right?! In fact, I'm going to delete it right now. Kate: Really? Tony: Uh-huh. Kate: Thank you Tony. That would be a huge relief. (Tony flashes it as he puts it back in his pocket) Kate: What are you doing? Tony: Acting, Kate. It's not that hard.

Gibbs: McGee.... McGee: I think they may be friends. Gibbs: Why does this matter? McGee: Well, she may have confided in them. Told them something that she didn't tell anybody else. Gibbs: (taps shoulder) Good thinking, McGee. Tony: I'm the one who came up.... Gibbs: Tony... go babysit our corpsman in interrogation.

Gibbs: You don't know, do you?! Abby: Not a clue. Gibbs: Call me when you find something Abs. (phone rings) Yeah, Gibbs. Abby: Found something... (holding up finger) See this? Gibby: Yes. Abby: I cut myself today installing a graphics card in my computer. Gibbs: Ok, you want me to kiss it or something? Abby: That would be really nice, but not my point.

Catherine: (Opening door and seeing McGee) Bummer. I thought it was the cute one.