NCIS

(Abby chases after the dog she's named Jethro, who is running away on a Marine base) Abby: Jethro, Jethro! Marine Jogger: (as Abby runs past him) Whoa! (takes a good look at Abby) I'm Jethro!

(Tony and Gibbs enter the room Ziva is in and she is on her knees looking under the bed giving them a clear view of her butt) Tony: Room with a view. (Takes a photo of Ziva's butt) Gibbs: (Gives Tony a head slap) Hey!

Abby (To the dog): Who's a good Jethro? Gibbs (enters): I'm a good Jethro.

Jenny: Sometimes, things aren't so simple, Abby, sometimes you can't control the outcome. Sometimes you have to look at the reality... and accept it. Abby: I can't... I won't.

Jenny: He doesn't look very good, does he? (indicates the dog) Abby: I think it's because he knows he's on death row. That would put a damper on anyone's spirits.

Abby: So what! So what, if I am. You have to stand up for what you believe in. You have to stick to your guns, until you make a wrong right.

Abby: Jethro is fine. I'm taking up a collection for flowers. McGee: Why would I give flowers to a dog that attacked me? Abby: Maybe because dog is man's best friend or maybe because I am a forensic scientist, and I could boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace.

(after scaring McGee with a dog attack video) Ziva: Finding inspiration? Tony: Whenever I can. It's my personal McMuse. McGee: "When Dogs Attack"...very funny. Gibbs: All bark, no bite, like the rest of my team.

Ducky: When did you last have a tetanus shot? McGee: Probably after that time Dicky Newsome and I were fighting over the galactic hunt Obi-Wan Kenobi. Tony: So... last year some time?

Tony: We gotta stop serving warrants after lunch. Ten bucks says McGee spills it on this one.

McGee: That dog should have a muzzle on it, Abby. Abby: Put a muzzle on yourself, McGee. It's not like he shot you.

Tony: If by bull crap you mean your worst freakin' nightmare, then yeah, this is bull crap.

McGee: I've been bitten harder... by dogs... I love dogs. I'm a dog person, really. Erica: What kind of dog do you have? McGee: Uh... I don't, yet, but I might... will... soon, very soon. I just need to find the right girl... dog... girl dog. I want a girl dog. I do like boys, though. Gibbs: Don't ask, don't tell, McGee.

Gibbs: What do we got? Tony: (watching a tape of a guy eating Funyuns) A sudden urge to hit the vending machines.

Tony: Dog handling... must be a pretty "rough" job. I don't want to "dog" you with a lot more questions, but if I need to sniff around some more, is there a number that I can call?

Gibbs: Go back to Pax River and talk to the other handlers. Tony: And see if one of them barks... I know.

Ziva: You do not have rabies! You're getting him all worried for no good reason. Tony: She's right, McGruff.

Jenny: I can sympathize with the Commander's impatience.
Gibbs: Well, you sympathize. I'll keep investigating.

Abby: Good dog. Bad McGee!

Abby: If you think that I can't distinguish the fibers on your stupid jacket from the evidence on the dog, you don't know me, McGee. And right now, I don't want to know you.

Abby: Dogs don't kill people. People kill people. McGee: People with dogs that kill people kill people!

Abby: Who would shoot this cute little dog? (realizes it was McGee and turns to confront him) McGee: It was self-defense. It was self-defense! Abby: You shot that cute little dog?? McGee: He's not cute and little! He's vicious and large!

Tony: Unfortunately, thanks to Semper Fido, he's never gonna roll over. Sorry, Boss. Gibbs: Play dead.

Ducky: Given the prevalence of bite marks, torn flesh, puncture wounds, I'd postulate that petty officer Hanson was the victim of a dog attack.
Gibbs: Really going out on a limb there, Duck.
Ducky: That assumption is further substantiated by the presence of a dog at the scene of the crime.
Tony: By cracky, Dr. Mallard, I believe you've solved the case!
(team looks at Tony)
Ziva: Did you wake up in the wrong bed this morning?
Tony: If your question is did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, the answer is no, but my mood did sour somewhat when I walked in and found that our chief suspect is dead.