NCIS

Gibbs: Blood splatter analysis?
Abby: Okay, Gibbs. I know you think I'm Super Girl. Actually, my hair's probably Wonder Woman or Isis or the Power Puff girl.
Kate: I've always been partial to Xena.
Abby: I don't know about her. No self-respecting superhero should wear open-toed shoes.
Kate: Oh, I agree.

Monteleone: Oh no... wait a minute, wait a minute. No, no, no. I've never paid for it in my life. Kate: Uh huh. Monteleone: Well, I was fifteen and my cousin Enzo paid Maggie O'Brien for the both of us, but that doesn't count. Kate: Yes it does, Tony! Monteleone: I'm Primo. Kate: Sorry. I can't tell you apart.

Gibbs: What are you laughing at DiNozzo?
Cheney: And you, Monteleone?
Gibbs: We didn't break him!
Cheney: Made him piss his pants, though.
Gibbs: (laughing) Oh hell yes.

Cheney: This isn't a frat bust for grass, Aaron. Gibbs: This is hard time. Every night. Hard time. Cheney: Tell us where Petty Officer Lambert's hiding. Gibbs: We'll cut you a deal. Cheney: Minimum time in a federal facility without nightly cavity searches.

Abby: Oxycontin is twice as addictive as heroin. It's more addictive than pistachios. (Gibbs and McGee just stare at her) Well, have you ever eaten just one pistachio? McGee: Actually, I have. Uh, potato chips, on the other hand...(Gibbs smacks him in the back of the head)

Abby: Did you tell him?
McGee: Nope, saved the best for you.
Abby: Aww, thanks McGee. You know how I relish the moment...
Gibbs: Stop relishing, start explaining, Abs.

Kate: Enough, Tony! I have nothing to hide.
Tony: Really? Hmm... for someone with nothing to hide you seem awfully concerned about what other people know about you.
Kate: Why? Because I get upset when you go through my personal belongings?
Tony: Exactly.
Kate: Well, Tony, some people enjoy having a private life. Unlike you we don't go around informing everyone about the frequency of our "hooking up".
Tony: In a slump?

Tony: Kate, this mojo faked his own death. Left his laptop, wallet, cell phone, and car behind. You really think he's gonna swipe the old charge card at the local Jugs-R-Us?

Gibbs: (to a very over-worked Abby) You, blood spatters! Abby: (hangs head and shuffles away) Yo ho heave ho...

Kate: You ever feel guilty calling people uninvited, intruding into their lives? Telemarketer: At first, a little, but when you get cursed at a couple hundred times you get over it.

Abby: Nobody gets it right the first time McGee. Except Gibbs.

Tony: This is your car right? (room mate nods) Ok. You make a couple hundred grand a year and you drive this? Room Mate: I'm not a car guy. Tony: Don't ya dig chicks?

Kate: Boys night out! Abby: Which means girls night in!

Rachel: (to Tony) You're almost as good looking as... you think you are.

Guy: That's an invasion of my privacy. Tony: Actually he's right, boss. Gibbs: Uh huh.

Abby: What?! Gibbs: Yikes Abby. What did McGee do now? Abby: Put his size 10 foot in his size 12 mouth.

Gibbs: You speak their language. McGee: I get to interview them? Gibbs: I interview. You translate.

Rapp: Shotgun! Monteleone (slapping Miller upside the head): Get in the car Probie. Kate (watching from a distance): It's deja vu!

Tony: Just once boss, I'd like one of these guys to say 'You got me. I did it'.

McGee: Are you wishing you were a computer geek? Tony: I'd rather be homeless than be you, Probie.

Abby: I don't know this really sucks. McGee: I'll tell you what really sucks, working after school as a burnt potato chip picker. Abby: You're making that up. McGee: You ever see a burnt potato chip in a bag of chips?

Kate: There's no sign of a room mate in that house Tony. Tony: Room mates move out Kate, 16 months ago you had a room mate. Kate: (Hits him) Tony. Gibbs: Kate you're with me. Kate: Gladly.

Kate: Ok well, I'm gonna need your work, cell and house numbers. Telemarketer: Alright but please don't call between 6 and 8 because uh that's usually... Kate: You said 6 and 8 right?

Monteleone: (to Kate) Wow, you know your eyes are the same color as my Porsche. Kate: You've got to be kidding. Monteleone: What do you say we have dinner? Kate: Why bother with the preliminaries? Monteleone: Oh, now who's kidding? You serious? Cheney:(Head slaps him) She's not, but I am.

Tony: Hi Rachel, I'm Tony, if you want to get together and compare notes... Rachel: What's your shoe size? Tony: 12. Rachel: Ha, you wish. Tony: No it is, it really is. You can measure it if you want.

Kate: Last time I'm gonna tell you Tony: Don't answer my phone, use my computer, read my mail, look through my purse, scan my PDA, or touch my cell phone ever! Tony: And an extra side of hashbrowns. Just so we're clear Kate I didn't do any of those things. Zero, zip, nada. Kate: Then how do you know where I went to breakfast. McGee: Logo on the coffee cup in your waste basket. Tony: Anyone invite you into this conversation, Probie? Kate: You looked through my trash! Tony: Did you say it was off limits, huh, did ya?

Gibbs: Get McGee and Abby to do what they do when they get together. Tony: Haha. (Gibbs slaps him on the head) Tony: You meant the computers.

Rapp: Your ex-wife called. Cheney: Which one? Rapp: The nasty one. Cheney: You're going to have to be more specific.