NCIS Season 4 Episode 11

Abby: We know the program was flashed from a physical device that was tied into the system.
McGee: Memory stick, SD card, we just need to find it.
Abby: And if we do, we'll have the killer code and a clue to who wrote it. (Gibbs pulls an SD card out of a camera while Abby turns to McGee) I think we lost him. We need to try it again but slooower.
Gibbs: (holding up the SD card) So what you're saying, for example, is we need to find something this small in a Humvee jammed with $22 million worth of electronics.
McGee: Pretty much.
Gibbs: We're screwed.

Jenny: We have let a robot killer humvee loose on the streets of Washington!!

Abby: Hey what was the movie where they took the whole car apart?
McGee: I'm not Tony..
Abby: Come on... you know the one.. they were looking for heroin and they took apart that entire car.
McGee: Still not Tony!

Abby: Permission to hug?
Gibbs: Oh you never have to ask Abs.

Engler: (mutters about Gibbs) Oh are all NCIS agents this stupid?!

Tony: Stool sample. Would you like to see it?
Ziva: You want me to stab you in the eye with my knife?

Ziva: Jamie Jones was arrested for assault and battery on his girlfriend and she dropped the charges and married him six months later .
Tony: Well, it doesn't account for taste... just look at Britney and K-Fed!

Tony: You know... English as a third language is often the trickiest one.

Scientist: You people are... you people are...
Tony: We're... cops, federal agents, police officers... maybe if you sound it out, it's a lot easier.

Scientist: I removed the laptop.
Tony: We'll need that.
Scientist: Absolutely not. It contains Otto's backup AI.
Tony: Well, whatever that is, we'll need that too.

Ziva: Stop moving, McGee. My hand's stuck.
Tony: It's not the only thing that's stuck!

Ziva: (to McGee after she lands on him) That better be your handcuff!

Gibbs: Ducky won't be here, he's got to take his mother to the hospital.
Palmer: Is she alright?
Gibbs: Well, she cut herself shaving and for some reason he thinks that you can handle this Palmer!

(The Sexual Harassment Counsellor tells the group that hugging may offend co-workers)
Abby: What's wrong with hugging people? I hug people all the time.
Counsellor: You may see it as friendly but your co-workers may find it offensive.
Abby: (looking around) You guys get offended when I hug you?
Group: No, no... Never. No.
Abby: I'm hugging you all in my mind right now.

Tony: I think you should go and check the bedroom. That is... unless you want me to come with you and help...What?
Ziva: Just wondering if offering to take me to a bedroom constitutes sexual harassment?
Tony: Well, if you have to ask then it's not harassment.

Palmer: (about IUD) Is it just me or does anyone else wonder how they get those little things in there?

Abby: Just sit back and let the scientist...
McGee: Kick all kinds of major ass.

(Abby puts her hands around McGee's shoulders)
McGee: I thought you had to ask permission first.
Abby: Never with you, Tim.

Gibbs: Come on Abbs, Ducky's checking you out.
Abby: I'm fine.
Gibbs: It's not a request.

Ziva: If red light is for sexually assaulting a coworker, what color is murder?
Tony: How does black light sound?
Ziva: Works for me.

Tony: (singing and playing guitar with a rock-steady/reggae rhythm)
In my per-spect-ive
I see the people from da big jet plane
The woman look Teutonic
She drink a vodka tonic
An' two bald men sit wit 'er
Waiting for a fourth
They're not gonna order dat main course
Until dat per-son come
(stops singing to yell at a wailing dog)
Hey, everybody's a critic! Am-scray! Get out of here!
(Tony's eyes and head go the legs of two women walking past. There is a camera on his glasses, so Jenny can see)
Jenny: Keep your eyes on the prize, Tango 8. I may even let you keep the money you're making.
Tony: (singing in rock-steady/reggae rhythm) Ah-sorry! I just do, what I can-
Jenny: You're not going to sing the whole thing, are you?
Tony: (still singing) I gotta do, what I gotta do.
I'm just a man. Oh! Speaking of man-
Aanother man walks through dat front door,
Wwearing a polka dot scarf.
Will he join de table?
I don't know- Yes, he does!
And greets the pretty lady.
What do they say? Who knows?
(Tony starts bobbing his head, therefore making the camera bob)
He's sitting at de table wit de other people from the plane.
Jenny: Stay steady on the target, Tango 8. I want his photo. (to video controller in MTAC) Isolate and freeze frame.
Tony: They are having a conversation.
A heavy, heavy conversation.
Dat man talk-a-talk-a-talk-a a lot.
Talk-a-talk-a-talk-a alot.
(One bald man looks over at Tony from the resturant window)
Jenny! Think I've been made.
Do you see what I see?
Jenny: Relax, Tango 8. I'm sure he's just checking his reflection in the glass...

Gibbs: The Director just assured the Secretary of the Navy we were handling this thing with kid gloves.
Abby: Well, we didn't get that memo, 'cause, you know, we're wearing latex.

Tony: Who's the guy molesting your neck?
Jeanne: Oh.
Tony: Just curious.
Jeanne: Am I detecting a little bit of jealousy here?
Tony: (laughing) Me? Jealous? (stops laughing) Yeah.

McGee: I'm trying to decide if this is a yellow-light or red-light situation.
Abby: Ha! You only wish I was still sexually harassing you!

Ducky: Are you hiding a secret from me, Mr. Palmer? (Palmer looks up guiltily) Well, it's nothing to be embarrassed about; I'm thinking of doing the same thing.
Palmer: You are?
Ducky: Yes, only in my case I have to be careful of heart strain and muscle fatigue. How long have you been "pumping"?
Palmer: I...I wouldn't call it pumping, Doctor.

Tony: What do you get if you win?
Englar: Recognition, my friend.
Tony: What about one of those cool trophies like they hand out in NASCAR?
Englar: I wouldn't know. I'm a scientist, not a redneck.
Tony: It is the fastest growing sport in the country.
Englar: I rest my case.

Gibbs: What kind of a vehicle is this?
McGee: It's a second generation, fully autonomous, AI-operated vehicle, Boss.
Gibbs: Well, yeah! I can see that, McGee. I mean other than the obvious.
Ziva: Wait, you actually understood that? You know what it does then?
Gibbs: Yeah-- your basic second generation, AI, autonomous... stuff.

Instructor: A co-worker shows you a cartoon or photo of a sexual nature...
Tony: If you're lucky.
Instructor: A co-worker's hand "accidentally" brushes up against your body.
Ziva: If you're really lucky.

Tony: Curious to know what follows red-light behavior?
Ziva: Uh... potential pregnancy?

Ziva: (after Tony receives a phone call) So, test results came back already?
Tony: (sarcastic) Yes, I'm pregnant, McGee is going to be very proud.

Tony: What if you slap someone in the back of the head like this (slaps McGee, McGee hits him back in the groin) would that be considered inappropriate behavior?
Sexual Harassment Counselor: Absolutely. Are you saying that this has actually happened?
Tony: (Tony looks at Gibbs, Gibbs gives him a look) No, I was just wondering. That's all.