NCIS Season 5 Episode 3

Tony: Crash and burn - only a matter of time.
Ziva: What?
Tony: Not a what, a whom. Colonel Mann, Gibbs, Army-Navy joint operation.
Ziva: It could last a lifetime.
Tony: Behind the torture techniques and the contract killing Ziva, you're really just a... (hesitates)
Ziva: A whom?
Tony: What? Whom? Not a whom, it's a... more... it's a what.
Ziva: A what then?
Tony: What then... aah, what? What then?
Ziva: I'm still just a what?
Rinnert: A girl.

Gibbs: (referring to a picture of Maj Sweigart with a spear gun, the murder weapon) You look pretty handy with that spear gun.
Col Mann: Well, picture's worth a thousand words to a jury.
Gibbs: Yeah. Or just one: guilty.

Tony: (to Rinnert) My acting boss says you're not going anywhere!

Mann: We've shared a lot right?
Gibbs: Yeah.
Mann: Divorced three times.
Gibbs: Yeah I told you that.
Mann: Married four. You never told me about your first wife Shannon... or that you had a daughter, Kelly. Why Jethro?
Gibbs: They're dead. End of story.

Mann: How long have we been together?
Gibbs: (pauses) Weeks.
Mann: Months!
Gibbs: .. which means, many weeks!

Abby: I work like 16 hour days.
Rinnert: Wow! That's like... two eight hour days stuck together!

Jenny: NCIS and Army CID will be working hand in hand; (looks at Gibbs and Mann) I mean, side by side... co-operatively.

Ducky: Only the dead know the true meaning of patience Timothy... no more places to go, people to see... except me of course!

Abby: I put this year's tax refund to good use. (holds up iPod) I got one for everyone on team Gibbs!

Jenny: You pick up that look from Gibbs?
Stephanie: I picked up a lot of bad habits from Gibbs.

Jenny: Colonel, I was just re-assuring Gibbs'... your witness that Agent Gibbs could separate himself from the personal aspects of this investigation.
Mann: Well, I'll monitor him, closely, Director.
Jenny: I'm sure you will.
(Gibbs gives them all a look.)
Stephanie: Is that the look you were talking about?
Jenny: Yeah, that's it.
Mann: Hm...yeah, we've all seen that.

Abby: Now you're thinking what I'm thinking!
Rinnert: Yeah, but I was enjoying thinking what I was thinking before you asked me what I was thinking.
Abby: Would I have enjoyed what you were thinking? (Rinnert smiles.) Don't answer that.

Stephanie: Can we at least finish one conversation?
Gibbs: You know, I'm starting to feel like I'm married again.
Stephanie: Well that's funny; I don't feel like we were ever married.

Tony: Who do you think's prettier-- ex-wife #3 or future ex-wife #4?
Ziva: Colonel Mann is at a disadvantage because of her uniform.
Tony: Hmmm...
Ziva: Tell me you're not trying to imagine her without her uniform, Tony.

Mann: We have a little issue.
Jenny: We?
Mann: You wanna tell her, Agent Gibbs?
Gibbs: No, not particularly.
Jenny: Is this issue going to involve lawyers?
Mann: It already did. It's his ex-wife. She's a material witness.
Jenny: And which ex would that be?
Gibbs: Stephanie.
Jenny: What number is she again? Second?
Gibbs: Third.
Jenny: Oh, right. You lived in Europe with her for a while. Frankfurt.
Gibbs: Moscow.
Jenny: Two years?
Gibbs: One.
Jenny: Well, it's hard to live in Moscow... with anyone.

Gibbs: Stephanie Broadman Flynn?
Sweigart: Yeah.
Mann: You know her?
Gibbs: Uh-huh. I was married to her.

McGee: Close your eyes, open them and imagine him gone.
Abby: (closes eyes, opens eyes, sees Rinnert) Didn't work.
McGee: Try again.
Abby: He's not there, he's not there. Still not working, McGee.

Mann: Tony, review the witnesses statements.
Tony: Yes, Boss. Ma'am. (salutes) Colonel.

Mann: Dr. Mallard. You got anything?
Ducky: You do realize I arrived about a minute ago. The dead speak to me, Colonel, but give the man time to catch his breath, so to speak.

Ducky: To whom do I report?
Gibbs: Her.
Mann: Me.
Tony: Better get used to that. (Mann gives him a look.) Spearguns. Very cool. Thunderball. Very James Bond... Boss. Ma'am. Colonel.

McGee: Is she...?
Ziva: Still on top?
McGee: Seeing Gibbs?
Tony: Same thing. But an excellent question nonetheless.

McGee: Dead marine.
Ziva: Army base.
Tony: Her rock smashes his scissors, which puts the Colonel on top.

Ducky: You know, a man's heart often tells us how he lived. Sometimes, it might even tell us how he died. But contrary to popular myth, it never tells us how he loved.

(After talking about Gibbs' ex-wife being a material witness)
Jenny: Do you think he should divorce himself from this case, Col. Mann?
Mann: No, no no...
Jenny: Nor do I, I don't see a problem if you conduct the interview. Do you have a problem with Col. Mann interviewing your ex wife, agent Gibbs?
Gibbs: Do I have a choice?
Jenny and Mann (Together): No.

Tony: (to Ziva, after Gibbs and Mann disagree on bringing in a witness) This never turns out well for the kids.

(Abby hits Rinnert.)
McGee: (Grins) Sweet.

Abby: Gibbs, can I hit him?
Gibbs: No.

Abby: I'll be right back.
Rinnert: (Checking out her ass) I hope so.

Rinnert: If I weren't so irrationally confident, I'd be afraid of you.
Abby: Oh please.

Rinnert: Ever had one of these?
McGee: I down six or seven of these bad boys a day. (Both start drinking their Caf-Pows down.)

Abby: Give it to me, baby, c'mon, don't make me beg! (McGee hears a groan)

(Rinnert is checking Abby out while she dances to the Elements song.)
Abby: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Rinnert: I hope so.
Abby: Steganography.
Rinnert: Not even close.

McGee: (trying to one-up Rinnert in front of Abby) You know, in sixth grade I made a complete periodic table out of licorice and Junior Mints.
Rinnert: (unimpressed) Cool.
Abby: (also very blasé about McGee's comment) Yeah, that's, uh, impressive, McGee. (McGee looks at Rinnert as if he's shown him up and leaves)

Mann: How long have you known Agent Gibbs--Major Sweigart?
Stephanie Flynn: Eight months, longer with Gibbs.

Abby: It's the newest version, Gibbs. It's 160 GB. You could download like 40,000 songs.
Gibbs: I only listen to 5, Abbs.
Abby: 5,000?
Gibbs: No! Five.
Abby: Oh Gibbs, we really have to broaden your horizons.

Mann: They know we're still seeing each other?
(Gibbs merely smirks.)

McGee: I'll tell you Colonel, the guys like Fred they're a dime a dozen at MIT. Charming, funny, successful, good-looking..
Mann: Women see right through that.
McGee: Exactly!

Tony: Train wreck! I want to look away but I can't.