NCIS Season 7 Episode 12

Gibbs: Hey. How'd it go at the hotel?
Ziva: Prince Sayif is a chauvinistic royal pain in the tush.
Gibbs: Well, he's not used to anyone saying no to him.
Ziva: You may have to hire someone to protect him from me.

Gibbs: Abby, what are you doing?
Abby: Don't say it Gibbs, I know my shoes and socks. It's miss-match Monday.
Gibbs: For who?
Abby: For me.
Gibbs: How about its make-my-day Monday, for me.

Abby: (upon seeing Tony's father) Maybe Tony didn't have a mother... maybe he was cloned!

Ziva: So how many amendments to the Constitution?
Gibbs: Uh, Bills of Rights is the first ten. Prohibition's 18. I'm guessing 23.
Ziva: 27.
Gibbs: Nobody likes a smartass, David.
Ziva: Why do I have to study all of this and you don't?
Gibbs: I was born here.

Tony: How's my current stepmother?
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: Ex-stepmother.
Tony: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I actually liked Karen.
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: Phoebe. You missed one.
Tony: Were you going to tell me about that?
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: I don't like to advertise my failures.
Tony: Well, my condolences. My congratulations. And my condolences.
Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: Thank you.

Anthony DiNozzo Sr.: So, um, tell me about Ziva.
Tony: Ziva is Ziva. Nothing to tell.

Gibbs: So, how'd it go?
Tony: He skated again. The guy's amazing.
Gibbs: So what happened?
Tony: His buddy Omar picked up the tab, bought him an airline ticket to Monte Carlo.
Gibbs: Where'd you get the money, Tony?
Tony: What?
(Gibbs looks at him)
Tony: How do you do it? Well, I didn't really need to go on a cruise with my fraternity brothers did I? Getting a little old for that stuff.
Gibbs: You conned the con man. Runs in the family. Why'd you do it?
Tony: He's my father. He is who he is. I couldn't bust him. Sometimes it's better to keep what you know to yourself.

Tony: I have to break one of your rules Boss, number six, never say you're sorry. I let things get out of control in the hotel room.
Gibbs: Yeah, it's covered. Rule eighteen.
Tony: Oh yeah, it's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Am I forgiven?
Gibbs: No. You've been distracted by your father.
Tony: It's that obvious?

Tony: He's not the man I thought he was.
Gibbs: I don't know my father.
Tony: No, Boss, my father's always been a mystery to me, just a wealthy one. Turns out he's broke. He has been for years. His bank accounts are overdrawn, credit cards are frozen, properties foreclosed, the guy's tapped out.
Gibbs: How'd you find out?
Tony: McGee got me into his records. But it turns out Senior's been living high on the low for quite some time. I wonder if he was ever as rich as he appeared. I think the reason he came to town to see me was to confess the charade, but when he figured out that Prince Omar was coming to town I think he saw the chance for one last score. His whole life's one big con.
Gibbs: What are you gonna do about it?
Tony: End the game.
Gibbs: When?
Tony: Time to do it's when he checks out of the hotel. He's staying in a thousand dollar a night suite, he can't afford it. He's running up a huge tab. I'll get him when he tries to pay the bill.

DiNozzo Sr.: When you offered to take me on a tour I suspected you had an ulterior motive. What's on your mind?
Gibbs: Your son.
DiNozzo Sr.: What has Junior done now?
Gibbs: Tony likes to hide behind the face of a clown. But he's the best young agent I've ever worked with.
DiNozzo Sr.: Well, I'm glad to hear that.
Gibbs: When is the last time you talked to him. I mean, really, talked to him.
DiNozzo Sr.: We keep in touch.
Gibbs: Four years ago your son came very close to dying from the pneumonic plague. I expected to see you. You didn't show then, why are you here now?
DiNozzo Sr.: He never told me he was sick.
Gibbs: Oh, so, you don't keep in touch.
DiNozzo Sr.: What's your point?
Gibbs: Tony inherited his personality from you. But I get the feeling there's a lot about your life you don't share.
DiNozzo Sr.: I should tell you to piss off, but I do know that Junior thinks the world of you. So I'll keep this civil. You have children Gibbs?
Gibbs: Had. A daughter. But unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to know her as an adult. You have that opportunity to get to know Tony, do it.

Tony: I mean, I get it. It must have been tough, your wife dies, you're left with an eight-year-old kid. But your solution, dad, was to warehouse me in boarding schools and summer camps, and half the time I never know where you were or what you were doing. I needed a closer relationship.
DiNozzo Sr.: You forget, we took some great vacations together.
Tony: Like the trip to Maui, where you left me in a hotel room for two days, and I was twelve-years-old?
DiNozzo Sr.: Aw, come on, junior. I explained that to you, I had to go back to the mainland to close a deal.
Tony: With a rich divorcee, who was very attractive as I recall.
DiNozzo Sr.: A deal is a deal.

Tony: You've always been disappointed I became a cop.
DiNozzo Sr.: No.
Tony: Felt that way to me.
DiNozzo Sr.: I always was supportive. I never said anything.
Tony: Exactly.
DiNozzo Sr.: What did you want me to say?
Tony: I don't know. Maybe like 'hey junior, I'm glad you found a career you're passionate about. I'm proud of you and what you're doing.' Something like that.
DiNozzo Sr.: How do you know I don't feel that way?
Tony: How would I we never talked?

McGee: You have a visitor.
Tony: Who?
McGee: You'll see.
Tony: Tell me.
McGee: No.
Tony: What's the matter with you?

Tony: I've heard the saying 'he got blown out of his shoes,' but I never thought I'd see it.
Ducky: No, if the explosion had 'knocked his socks off' that would be impressive, wouldn't it?

Tony: Oh, you would like me to spell my name for you again. Are you guys in India?