NCIS

Ducky: Yes, this man appears to have been literally at the heart of the explosion. Tony: He was sitting on the bomb? Gibbs: He was the bomb DiNozzo.

Gibbs: DiNozzo, what the hell is wrong with you?! Tony: I am just trying to lighten the mood of the room a little bit Boss. Gibbs: I've got a better way. Leave!

Abby: (typing into the voice simulator) Hey Gibbs! Why no Caff-Pow? (he stares at her) Okay. I shut up now.

Tony: Hey ah, Boss? Got a question for ya. That thing you said yesterday; we were really supposed to have the weekend duty Cassidy's team took? Gibbs: Yep. Tony: How'd we get out of it? Gibbs: I asked. Tony: So that really could've been us. Gibbs: It could be us every single day of the week; sometimes it has been. You wanna worry about something? Worry about tomorrow.

Tony: What have you got McGeekle? McGee: Well, Ducky is saying that Yahzeed was dead when the bomb went off and Abby is saying he was alive. Tony: Yeah, and what is Gibbs saying? Gibbs: (walks in) Where the hell have you been DiNozzo?

Tony: Got the goodies; cigar, paper towel, water and a candy bar. The last one's for you. Paula: Why don't I get the cigar? Tony: I need it. If there is a secret passageway in here, I'm finding it. Paula: How you gonna do that? Tony: (lights the cigar) Saw it in this old monster movie. This guy is trying to find his girlfriend in an evil scientist's castle. (he blows smoke at the wall, turns to Paula) Now don't move, too much, or talk. (turns back to the wall) If there are any gaps in these walls, then the air pressure should suck some smoke through them. Paula: DiNozzo, we've checked this wall. It's solid brick. Tony: Never hear of a secret passageway? Paula: No, this wall shares with the building next to it. How could there be a passageway? Tony: Okay Paula, a secret door then. Paula: Alright, we're running out of daylight. I'll meet you at the car. Tony: Special Agent Cassidy! Check this out! (they watch as smoke gets sucked through the wall)

Paula: (about Jeanne) You know Tony, it's a cliche, but it's true. Life's too short to not to tell someone you love them when you do; and you do.

Gibbs: Are you getting soft on me Officer David? Ziva: Look, I know what she's going through. Sometimes you need to find something or someone to focus your anger on. It's your only relief. Gibbs: Of course the drawback is you know, they tend to hate you, for life. Ziva: If it helps her get through it, I can live with that.

Jenny: (to Gibbs) I have a phone call to make, and you have a terrorist to kill. (she pauses) Catch.

Gibbs: You okay? Jenny: I just got off the phone with Amy, Special Agent James Nelson's bride of two months. Correction; widow. Now I have to call Tom and Mary Hall. I don't like making these calls Jethro. Gibbs: No CO does, Jen. Jenny: I know, but- Gibbs: What? Jenny: This isn't Iraq, or Afganistan; my people are not supposed to be killed by suicide bombers here. Gibbs: No. But they were, director and it'll happen again if you stand around here feeling sorry for yourself. Jenny: I am not feeling sorry for myself, Jethro; I am feeling sorry for the agents, and their families.

McGee: Those bodies downstairs should be us. Abby: Timothy; don't even think things like that okay. Everything happens for a reason. (she hugs him)

Paula: I shoulda gone in with those guys! Gibbs: Yeah well, then you'd be dead too. It was an ambush. There was nothing you coulda done. Paula: Would you feel the same way if it was your own team? Gibbs: Yeah. So what? Paula: I have a hard time believing that Gibbs. Gibbs: You wanna know the difference Paula? Is that I wouldn't stop to grieve until I put the bastards responsible for this into the ground.

Paula: What ever happened to Gibbs' rule about not putting two suspects in the same room? Tony: ...More of a guideline.

Gibbs: (at a ball park) It's all about the concentration. Mann: Anyone ever tell you you have a cute butt? (he misses)

Paula: For all we know he could have committed suicide! Ziva: A suicide bomber who commits suicide before his bombing? I mean, that doesn't make any sense! Tony: No, it doesn't! But it does raise an interesting point. Imagine, if you will, ladies, an assisted suicide of a suicide bomber who's suicided before his suicide bombing; it's kinda like 'how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.'

Abby: (punches Tony) Never lie to a woman, Anthony DiNozzo.

Gibbs: That's good work, Abby. (to McGee) Not bad yourself, Elf-lord.

Paula: (referring to Ziva) I don't know how you work with her! Tony: Well, I worked with you, didn't I? Paula: Funny. What do you think Gibbs would do if I slapped her? Tony: I'm more worried about what she'd do. You know, Mossad assassin and all.

Paula: I took you down, didn't I? Tony: Technically, you did put me down, but I distinctly remember the floor was slippery that day.

Gibbs: (standing close behind Mann) Inside of your feet, shoulder width apart; slightly bend the knees, hands together, knuckles lined up. (he kisses her neck) Mann: You teach everyone like that? Gibbs: Oh yeah. Fast or slow? Mann: Kind of depends on what mood I'm in. Gibbs: Fast it is. (Mann stands and watches the balls go past) You gotta swing to hit it. Mann: Ahh, I knew I was forgetting something!

Ducky: I don't suppose anyone has seen a head?

Ziva: We kill them, Abby. Tony: We catch them. It's a preferred term. Paula: I like hers better.

Gibbs: You should just smack him in the back of the head, it works wonders for DiNozzo and McGee. Ducky: I did, but he rather enjoyed it. Ziva: (laughs) I'll be sure to remember that.

McGee: So we have to choose between Abby and Ducky? Ziva: I'd rather be McGee's cat.

Paula: Since when did you become so caring? Tony: I've always been very caring, as I came from a caring family. In fact, the DiNozzos are celebrated for their caring-ness.

Gibbs: (walks in on Abby hugging McGee, who is sitting on the floor) I'm not even going to ask. Abby: (stands quickly) Technically, that was a squatting hug. Or a squg, if you will. But I digress.

Tony: Well, the thing is probably stuck up there. Ziva, you're going headhunting.