NCIS Season 2 Episode 8

Palmer: (after Ducky talks to the man he's autopsying) Uh, Doctor?
Ducky: Hm?
Palmer: Does it help you to talk to them?
Ducky: Well, they're still human. What we do is very invasive and impersonal. It helps me to establish a relationship.

Abby: (Referring to Commander Dornan) Barbeque boy was murdered.

Abby: When he's finished slicing and dicing, we'll bang heads.
Gibbs: Don't cause any sparks.

McGee: Matches.
Abby: Light my fire McGee!

Tony: Too bad you didn't get to bed at a sensible hour. I mean, to sleep, 'cause obviously, you were in bed.
Kate: I get it, Tony.

Tony: Looks like you and I were the only ones flying solo last night, McGee.
McGee: Speak for yourself.

Cassidy: Commander Dornan really blew up?
Tony: Literally.

Kate: Why are you being so tough on Agent Cassidy?
Gibbs: I haven't done anything to her yet.
Kate: You made her spend the day, alone, with DiNozzo.

McGee: Sometimes, you've just got to know when to let go, Tony.
Tony: You don't really expect me to take advice about women from you, do you?
McGee: I could stay here and argue the point, but I have a date.

Cassidy: We would drive each other crazy.
Tony: Crazy's good.
Cassidy: Yeah.

Gibbs: You a law student?
Clerk: Second year at Georgetown.
Gibbs: Gonna give you a lesson tonight in practical law. I'm going to ask for Hayes's room key, politely, and you're going to hand it over.
Clerk: Key? Hotels haven't used keys in years.

Ducky: Kate, how are you?
Kate: Well, I shot an innocent man, that give you any ideas?

Abby: Hey, Gibbs. I hear you're not a fan of SHC.
Gibbs: That a band?
Abby: No. Spontaneous human combustion.

Gibbs: Everything in this room goes back to Abby.
Kate: Everything? Right.
Gibbs: Hey. Background the victim.
Kate: This is the beginning of a very long day.
Tony: Yeah. Too bad you had such a short night.

Tony: I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
Kate: You. A doctor.
Tony: Anthony DiNozzo, comma...M.D.
Kate: Let me guess: a gynecologist.
Tony: Ooh, no, I was thinking more dermatologist. Normal hours. Big bucks. Never an emergency. I mean, nobody ever died from a zit.

Tony: Ho. You got here quick. Where were you?
Kate: Home asleep.
Tony: Asleep, maybe, but not at home. I got you on your cell.

Tony: Probie, what are you thinking? Spontaneous human combustion?! It's an urban myth.
Ducky: Actually, Tony, we shouldn't disregard the notion. Stories of the phenomenon go way back-- to the Bible, in fact. Although it wasn't popularized until Dickens.
Palmer: Charles Dickens?
Ducky: Yes. He used spontaneous combustion to kill off one of his characters, Mr. Krook, in the novel Bleak House. It caused a minor uproar. Dickens was accused of perpetuating the age-old superstition.
Tony: I saw that movie.
Ducky: The silent version or the British mini-series?
Tony: They were talking.

Kate: Last time we were on a carrier, you were the one who got lost. Not me.
Tony: I wasn't lost. I was momentarily disoriented.
Kate: Like you were with Paula in Gitmo?
Tony: I'm not the type to kiss-and-tell, Kate.
Kate: It's not like you to be discreet, Tony. She's something special, isn't she?
Tony: Is he something special?
Kate: Who?
Tony: Mr. Short Night Harrison.

Tony: Was he having trouble with anyone aboard the ship?
Cassidy: Safety officers are generally disliked. They have the authority to stick their nose in anyone's department; no one can say a word.
Tony: That sounds like Gibbs. So Commander Dornan made enemies.
Cassidy: Made an art of it.
Tony: Definitely sounds like Gibbs.

Kate: Is that Dornan's surgeon with Ducky?
Gibbs: Ducky's older, Kate. He's not dead.

Abby: You're the man, Ducky. Why can't I find someone like you?
Ducky: Well, if this doesn't work out, I am available.

Gibbs: She still could have murdered him.
Ducky: Well, not intentionally.
Gibbs: Ducky...
Ducky: You trust my gut on this one.

Tony: You need anything from your sleeping quarters?
Cassidy: What you're thinking... that's against regs.
Tony: Great. You can handcuff me.

Evan: I've been trying to pull this trigger all night... but I can't... 'cause I'm a coward.
Gibbs: You're not a coward. You just don't want to die.

Abby: Stop playing with my equipment.
Tony: Well, I haven't had a woman say that to me in a long time. Sorry.

Abby: If you read my Master's thesis, you may become a believer.
Gibbs: Doubt it.
Abby: I can show you photos of what was left of a 240-pound woman.
Gibbs: Yeah, but you won't.

Tony: We have to check in with the XO. Why don't you take care of that?
Kate: Why don't you?
Tony: Because I outrank you. That'll be six up and three to the left.
Kate: She is something special.