NCIS Season 5 Episode 4

Abby: Of course, mercury is toxic. So you shouldn't let kids break open thermometers and play with it.
Gibbs: Speaking from personal experience, Abs?
McGee: Actually explains a lot.

Tony: Looks like a nice place doesn't it honey?
McGee: (through the ear piece) Sure does sweet cheeks!

Krieger: Ziva, can I ask you a question? (Ziva turns) Isn't it hard being the only woman on the team?
Ziva: No. (starts to walk away)
Krieger: God I wish I had your confidence!
Ziva: (turns back) Well, it comes from experience.
Krieger: The way I'm going that's something I'll never get.
Ziva: Look Courtney, they obviously saw something valuable in you, otherwise you would not have made it this far.
Krieger: Thank you
Ziva: But, stop trying to be perfect! You will mess up and occasionally you will take a beating.
Krieger: Then what?
Ziva: You get back on the horse!

Ziva: It is very clear what you would like to have against her.
Tony: Excuse me!
Ziva: You want to sleep with her!
Tony: I... well, so what if I do?
Ziva: Same old Tony. I thought the new Tony wanted something more.. a real relationship.
Tony: I was pretending to be someone else!
Ziva: Well, you could've fooled me. I thought you had grown.
Tony: I'm not particularly interested in outgrowing sex!
Ziva: Sure it would be nice Tony, but it would be meaningless, empty; it would be wrong for you! She's a pretty girl, but she's just a girl! The man you were becoming needs a woman! Or at least I thought he did.

Abby: This, is why I love you guys. You bring me hair, you bring me blood, you bring me fluids, and you bring me mercury! Predictable, yet constantly surprising!
Gibbs: We try.

Gibbs: Check out the brunette at the table.
Tony: Good find boss! I'll tell you, my radar is totally shot. She's smoking! ..that's not what you meant.. you were suggesting that she seems interested in our investigation. A little too interested and I should question her... not a problem!

Ducky: I hope your opinion of me doesn't waver after I've given this fellow a piece of my mind.
Gibbs: Never!
Ducky: I warn you... this might get ugly!

Ducky: Every body has a story to tell.

(The team watches the FBI on the screen in MTAC)
Tony: An NCIS production. Brought to you by Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Starring as usual the FBI and the illusive Kamal Konkani.

Krieger: The boss looks mad.
Ziva: He's gonna chew you up.
Tony: Out. Chew you out.

McGee: Ziva, no hair pulling.

Fornell: The world is on my shoulders Gibbs.
Gibbs: A world made of paper.

McGee: Tony I think it's time you get back on that horse.
Ziva: Are you getting a pony?
Tony: It's an adage.
Ziva: I'm not familiar with that breed.
Tony: (slight pause) Yeah, well they are quite rare, it's sort of a cross between a Pegasus and a unicorn.

Tony: People really like boats that much?
Gibbs: You work for the navy, DiNozzo.

Krieger: (After disabling Graves) Can we hug now?
(Ziva laughs)

McGee: Good thing we didn't put the mike in his pants.

Tony: No trace, no face, this ought to be easy.

Ziva: Ooo, fluids, lots of them.
Tony: No surprise there.
McGee: 6 years in prison.

Gibbs: (As he and Ducky are leaving the morgue) Yeah, I hope she recovers from that tongue lashing.

Tony: Tell me you aren't looking for a man for Ziva.
Ziva: Not for me.
Tony: Something you want to tell me, McGoo?

Gibbs: Sit (Teams sits down slowly). Stay! (Walks off, smirking) Roll over.

Lieutenant: What the hell is it?
Ducky: This, my dear lieutenant, is murder.