NCIS

Vanessa Tillman: Do you have any idea how annoying it can be to spend all your time with a, quote, brilliant man? Ziva: (glances at Tony) No, what is that like? Vanessa Tillman: He could never listen to an idea that wasn't his. So stubborn. Ziva: (now looking straight at Tony) Oh! I do know what that is like. Tony: (looking at Ziva) He ever get violent with you? Vanessa Tillman: No. Ziva: (looking at Tony) You ever get violent with him?

Ziva: Slow drivers. Tony: Bad drivers. Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn. Tony: You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.

Abby: (watching McGee study the wreckage of the jetpack with Jimmy) I think he's about to have a thought. Palmer: I think blood is about to come out of his eyeballs.

Gibbs: That lawyer woman, Ducky... she's trying to keep me from talking to anybody that matters. Ducky: If I didn't know better, I'd say she's getting to you. Gibbs: No. She acts like she hates me. But she talks like she likes me. Ducky: Ever been married to her? Gibbs: (chuckling) Yeah, that would explain it, wouldn't it?

Gibbs: Miss Hart, your client... hiding behind a lawyer? It makes me wonder why. Alison Hart: I can see your mind is spinning, Mr Gibbs. But once the hamster gains some traction on the wheel, and you figure out the questions you want to ask, you feel free to contact me directly. Not my client.

Tony: It's a remote control receiver? McGee: Yes it is. Ziva: What is the range? McGee: Almost a kilometer. Tony: I don't speak Canadian! How far is that?

Tony: McDLT. McGee: I don't get that one. Tony: That's not a McNickname. A McDonald's DLT. Hot side hot, cold side cold.

Ziva: Rangers flipped him over to identify him. Tony: Who's gonna identify the rangers when Ducky gets trough with them? You're not supposed to touch the bodies.

McGee: Yeah Ziva, I think your morning internet routine needs a little bit of tweaking. Ziva: There is that thing! That thing where people tell complete strangers whether they started their day putting on both socks and then both shoes, or one sock and one shoe or the other sock and the other shoe. McGee: Tweaking. Not Tweeting. Ziva: Tweeting...

Ziva: I think this whole page might be an ad! McGee: Ad for what? Ziva: Hair loss pills? This is a pill that makes people lose their hair? Tony: It's for growing hair. Ziva: Why would I need more hair? Tony: Not you. Men. Ziva: Like I need more men? Tony: Men need more hair. Women need less.