NCIS Season 5 Episode 15

Abby: Tony, is that really you? Move back so we can see your face.

(Talking about McGee volunteering to go to Iraq)
Tony: McGee, you are looking very guilty over there. You didn't do that thing I told you not to do, did you?
McGee: Why would I do that? Did you do that?

Assistant Director Vance: What you're saying is you've got a shooter with a security clearance. You have an insurgency problem in the Zone Major Varnai?
Major Varnai: If that sniper picks off more of our men, I guess I do.

(In the Ladies room)
Ziva: Nikki.
Nikki: Ziva.
Ziva: What do you have there?
Nikki: It's nothing.
Ziva: (reading) "Five reasons why I should be picked to go to Iraq." Ah, you've heard the rumors, too. You do know that Iraq is a war zone? Nikki, it is dirty there. Sanitation is very poor. And diseases - have you ever heard of leishmaniasis? It begins with a large, oozing sore, often in the face. And then it just. (makes slurping sound) Oh! I have photos I can show you.
Nikki: No! Thank you for your concern, but I still... really want to go.
Ziva: In that case, I hope you can handle competition a lot better... than you can handle... handles. (Opens door for Nikki)

Dina: My husband gets these um... gut feelings. You ever have one of those?
Gibbs: Once or twice.

Ziva: Central Baghdad. Many of Saddam's palaces are there.
Tony: I stayed in one of those palaces after Baghdad was liberated.
Ziva: Me too. Before Baghdad was liberated.

Tony: (After seeing a picture of McGee being licked by Jethro, the German Shepherd) McRomeo! You should save that stuff for the bedroom!

Ziva: Well, it would not be the first time a murderer tried to throw us up that way.
McGee: Off. Throw us off.

Ziva: If anyone is going to go to Iraq, I really believe it should be me.
Nikki: It is my area of expertise. I have a lot of contacts there.
Ziva: As do I.
Nikki: My contacts are still breathing.
Ziva: As are... most of mine.

(McGee assigns barking dogs sound effects to Tony's keyboard)
Tony: (pressing several keys) That's very funny! Fix it!
McGee: Um, you're barking up the wrong tree.

Tony: I'm guessing he's not complimenting my vest.
Nikki: He seems to know your mother... intimately.

Tony: Wow. I never thought it was possible to hurt yourself with a wet wipe.

Stenner: Can I just, please go to the bathroom?
Gibbs: No.
Stenner: Okay.
Gibbs: I'm kidding. You can go.

Tony: Aw yeah, it's just like home... if you live in an airport.

Tony: Jealous? What you're doing could be illegal in some states.
Nikki: It should be. I think I need to wash.