NCIS Season 8 Episode 16

Abby: (holding a jar labeled "Agent McGee Legal Defense Fund) Pony up! McGee is not going to jail if I can help it.
Gibbs: Oh, McGee's not going to go to jail, Abbs.
Abby: Can you say that with 100% certainty?
(Gibbs tosses a coin in the jar)

(McGee bumps into Maxine in the squad room)
McGee: Hi.
Maxine: Tony said you weren't going to be at my debriefing.
McGee: He did?
Maxine: Yeah. But he passed along your message. Eight o'clock works great. See ya then? And thank you.
(Maxine kisses McGee on the cheek, then leaves. He is left with a confused look on his face)
Tony: LaserTag! You have a date.
McGee: You didn't?
Tony: Yes I did.
McGee: Thanks, Tony.
Tony: Don't mention it.
(Gibbs smacks his computer)
Gibbs: McGee! I hate this thing, McGee!
McGee: Don't shoot!

(McGee and Ziva exit the elevator and walk to their desks in the squad room)
Ziva: I would have liked to have seen Gibbs shoot that computer.
McGee: Well, if I don't get his email working, you may get a second chance.
Ziva: I almost shot Tony last night. We were stuck for almost three hours before the firemen were able to open up the fire doors.
Tony: And you loved every second of it!

(After Gibbs reaches the mainframe and cuts the power)
Gibbs: I cut all the power, it's still going.
McGee: It must have an internal battery backup.
Gibbs: A what?!
McGee: That could also be booby trapped. Boss, we're gonna have to shut down the computer using the unit's command line. (Gibbs looks like he doesn't understand anything McGee is saying) Now listen to me very carefully- (Several gunshots can be heard over the radio) Boss, what's happening?! Boss, come in! Boss! Boss, what's happening?! Are you OK? Can you hear me?
Gibbs: Game over.

(After Gibbs breaks down a wall)
McGee: Boss, I think you just tripped a security system.
Gibbs: Well untrip it!
Tony: McGee, is there a reset button you can hit?
McGee: Tony, this is not a video game, OK?

(Gibbs, Tony and Ziva are looking for the mainframe while McGee directs them from MTAC)
McGee: Now there should be a corridor in front of you and move fast, we've only got three minutes and forty seconds left and I'm not having any luck shutting his mainframe down from here.
(The three of them reach a dead end)
Ziva: There's nothing.
McGee: Not according to Snyder's map.
Tony: (Tapping the wall) Hey, this is hollow. Find something to wedge it, Ziva, we can- (Gibbs kicks the wall down) Or we could do that.

(Ducky and Palmer are in Autopsy)
Ducky: I'm not sure I follow. You kill the zombie...
Palmer: And then, you kill their brains.
Ducky: Wouldn't hypovolemic shock render the second step unnecessary?
Palmer: No, no, no, because when you shoot a zombie in the head, sometimes the brains sneak out through the hole. And then, you have to kill that separately.
Ducky: I see. I think.

Ziva: I spoke to the CEO at L9 Games, the company that makes Fear Tower 3. They have quite a facility. I mean, like, pool tables and saunas and, er... (Gibbs stares at her) ...and employees who are very focused on their work.

(Tony and Ziva arrive at Lisa Bock's yoga class)
Lisa: (To her class) One more deep breath. All the way down to your route Chakra. Welcome to your body.
Tony: And, er, also welcome to your friendly neighborhood NCIS agents. Don't worry everybody, we're here to talk to Lisa. We have a few questions, Lisa.
Lisa: NOW?! I mean...now?
Tony: Uh-huh. I thought you were a martial arts instructor?
Lisa: I was, but in light of some recent, er, legal troubles-
Ziva: You slashed a student's tires?
Lisa: My therapist suggested I find a new line of work.
Tony: I approve.

(Abby shows Gibbs some evidence Ducky found)
Abby: Pogostemon cablin. Smell.
Gibbs: Hmm... smells like-
Abby: Patchouli. It was used for centuries as an insecticide until it burst on the scene in the sixties as a perfume.
Gibbs: Why are you having me smell that, Abs?
Abby: Because, Ducky found traces of this in the scratch that was on Armstrong's face. So, whoever he was with when he was killed was wearing it. Unfortunately, that narrows our suspect pool down to pretty much everyone that was at Woodstock.

(McGee and Ziva have just introduced themselves to Maxine Edwards, who then walks off to get changed.)
Ziva: Why don't you go? I'll stay and, erm, finish the interview with the manager.
McGee: How about I stay? Look, I'm supposed to be avoiding relationships and she's...
Ziva: She's...?
McGee: She's pretty and...
Ziva: She's pretty.
McGee: Fine, I'll go with her.

(McGee and Ziva are waiting for "Max Destructor" to come out of the LaserTag place)
Ziva: Seems like an interesting way to spend money. (Looks at McGee who remains silent) Do you do this?
McGee: No, no, no. It's too geeky. Even for me.
Passing Player: Hey McGeeminator! You ready for a rematch?
McGee: Hey...er...no, actually, I'm here working, so...sorry.
(The player walks away)
Ziva: (Laughing) "McGeeminator?"
McGee: Maybe I played once... or twice...

Palmer: That's one cold-blooded killer. He stops for a hot dog while getting rid of the evidence.
Ducky: Well it's not uncommon for killers to find themselves unusually hungry after the act. It is uncommon, however, to find them disposing of the evidence in such a stylish bag.
Palmer: Actually, it's a knock-off. You can tell by the stitching here and how steep the curves are in the 'C's...(Palmer looks up to see Gibbs, Tony and Ziva looking at him strangely)...it's a long story...
Tony: And quite a good catch, gremlin. Might help us trace it back to the killer.

(Gibbs walks back into the squad room as McGee is attempting to fix his computer)
McGee: Thought you were going for coffee?
Gibbs: Yeah, well, I was. Grab your gear. We got a dead marine, or at least some of him.
McGee: Just gimme one second here, Boss. I almost have this fixed.
(Gibbs pulls the computer cables)
Gibbs: Fixed. Let's go.

(Tony and Ziva walk into the squad room as McGee cleans up the mess he made by spilling Gibbs' coffee on his desk)
Tony: I hope you didn't break his computer. He doesn't like that thing even when it's working.
McGee: I should'a listened to my horoscope. It said I should stay home today.
Ziva: (Laughing) Your horoscope?
Tony: What else did it say?
McGee: Avoid new relationships, which after last week is probably not a bad idea either. (Tony laughs) What's so funny?
Tony: Oh, just that you think you have a choice.
Ziva: And that you read your horoscope.
McGee: Just for fun. But it is interesting. I have been thinking about taking a break from dating for a while. (Both Tony and Ziva laugh) OK, now what's so funny?
Tony: Same thing!