NCIS Season 7 Episode 14

Vance: Well, I guess we've got better nerds!

Tony: (looking at a photo of LCpl Vega's gorgeous girlfriend) There's no way he's our guy- not a suicide bomber in the world who'd have a girlfriend looks like that. (Gibbs gives him a look) Unless, you know, your gut says otherwise.

Tony: Why do I get a funny feeling Gibbs planned on using this guy as bait from the beginning?
Ziva: Because he is Gibbs.
(Ziva gets out of their car)
Tony: Well, I sure hope I'm not around when Miss Hart finds out he used her client as bait. (he thinks about it) Or maybe I do...

Tony: (freaking out about the radiation exposure) This isn't about me! It's about my little DiNozzo makers! They've been nuked!
McGee: I know!
Tony: Do you? I mean, sure, Tim, your kids are going to be smart. Mine had a shot at being really beautiful!

(Dr. Shore is looking at a picture of Cook)
Dr. Shore: Oh yes, I remember him. A walk in. Showed up, wanted his teeth cleaned, then he left.
McGee: Did you notice anything unusual?
Dr. Shore: Only that he had about the most perfect teeth I'd ever seen.
Ziva: We heard from the last two dentists we've visited.
Dr. Shore: Yeah, well...working on him was almost orgasmic.
McGee: Didn't really need to hear that.
Dr. Shore: His retro molar pad was shaped just like a renaissance's bosom.
McGee: Okay uh, we're gonna go.

(McGee and Abby walk into the lab)
Abby: It's definitely the dirty kind. I found traces of cobalt-60 on all the evidence Tony and Ziva brought in.
(McGee looks at her yellow hazmat suit she's wearing)
McGee: Is it safe?
Abby: Oh! Yeah, totally. This was just way too cool to take off. And I like the sound it makes when I move.
(Abby starts to do the robot)

Gibbs: DiNozzo, take Ziva and check out that warehouse.
Tony (grabbing Ziva): Taking Ziva. Checking out that warehouse.
(Ms. Hart comes down the hallway)
Ms. Hart (to Gibbs): Well, I'm sure you're feeling pretty satisfied.
(McGee looks at Gibbs than Ms. Hart)
McGee (awkwardly): I am... going to go get a haircut.
(McGee leaves)

Abby: Okay, so there are only two things on the laptop: an encrypted video file and solitaire. I guess terrorists get bored too.

Tony: Things aren't so black and white when the walls are all splattered with red, are they?
Ziva: Or when your way of life is threatened?
Tony: Exactly. Wait a second - are you mocking me?
Ziva: No, Tony, I was not mocking you. It's just that... when I was held hostage in Somalia Saleem used similar justifications for his actions.
Tony: Saleem. Caf-Pow-swallowing sociopath was a terrorist, Ziva.
Ziva: I am sure he would say he was just protecting his way of life.
Tony: You're not seriously defending him, are you?
Ziva: No, Tony. His actions were indefensible regardless of his reasons. That is my point. This country holds itself to a higher standard, it is a nation of laws which are to be followed not only when it is convenient or easy. I have seen first-hand what happens when convenience wins out.
Tony: You never talk about it.
Ziva: What is there to talk about?
Tony: Come on, Ziva.
Ziva: (after a long pause) What Saleem did was bad enough, becoming like him would be worse.

Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing in an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant!
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the banks and since the people own the banks I think technically we own the building.
Ziva: (stunned and speechless) Wow. I am sure our lawyer friend would not agree.