NCIS

Ducky: I find the ones who fall are the saddest. It's a long last moment to contemplate one's end and no chance to change one's mind.

Gibbs: DiNozzo. Get me $25,000! Tony: Cheque or plastic?!

Tony: (when Ziva hands him a stack of security footage) Hallway camera D. Title needs work. Who's in it?

Tony: (to Gibbs about Agent Lee) She's even more probie than Probie is!

Marty: You don't have an unhealthy obsession with death now do you? Abby: Oh no! It's just a hobby!

Nelson: Do I need a lawyer? Gibbs: Only if you're feeling guilty.

Gibbs: There's more than one reason to kiss a girl. Tony: There is?

Jeanne: I know something else we could do to stay warm. Tony: Really? I wonder what that could be? Coffee? Jeanne: Dancing!

Tony: It was a trick question. McGee: So... give me a trick answer!

McGee: How does a homeless guy hiding in a hotel order room service? Tony: This wouldn't be a trick question, would it, McGee? McGee: No. Tony: He calls room service. McGee: (picks up the stapler and pretends) Room service. Hi. This is the homeless guy that's staying illegally in room 607...yes, the room checked out for maintenance...I would like to order some breakfast.

Gibbs: What am I looking at? Abby: Nothing! Gibbs: Nothing. Nothing's good, right? McGee: Oh yeah, nothing is very good.

Abby: Can you help me? Marty: If you want to leave it with me- Abby: No no! I can't. Chain of evidence. I have to... do it with you.. (Marty smiles) I mean.. not with you but ah.. along side you.. but just be with you.. I have to be with you while you do it.. While you.. test it!

(Abby after she accidentally says 'hell' in her explanation) Abby: Oh. You don't mind that I said 'hell' do you? Marty: Hell no!

Ducky: (to Gibbs) I can't tell you how he died.. but I can tell you how he lived.... The man was a hero.

Tony: (to Ziva) Ever seen a skinny politician?

Tony: Ziva, this is probably the most secure building in the whole country right now. CIA, DSS, ATF, FBI... the whole alphabet is here!

Marty: Do you bowl? Abby: Are you kidding me? I'm the queen of the alley!

Tony: The me is hungry.

Ziva: You're disgusting! How can you eat that? Tony: You see, Ziva, the human body is a finely tuned engine-- none more finely tuned than mine. Even the best engine needs oil.

ZIva: Maybe the Congressman was right. Maybe Sgt. Wright was crazy and jumped. Gibbs: Or maybe the director's right-- politicians lie!

Congressman Getz: We need to do more to help the ones who come back broken. Gibbs: Yes, you do.

Jenny: Nelson claims he was attacked by the deceased on the sixth floor just before the incident. Gibbs: Do you believe him? Jenny: He works for a politician; what do you think?

Ziva: Two cell phones, huh? Tony: Uh, one for each ear. No, it's a spare. This one is sort of been on the fritz. It's another word you probably don't know the meaning of. Ziva: Acts up? Tony: I'm impressed. (leaves) Uh, alright. I'm heading out. Gotta see the doctor about being run "over" ... down. Ziva: (nodding towards the phone) Don't forget Fritz.

Ziva: You okay? Tony: Never better. Ziva: You look run over. Tony: The term is "run down". ... I do? Ziva: Maybe you need servicing? Tony: Clearly we are still having some problems with the idiosyncrasies of the English language. Ziva: The "finely tuned engine" I think you called it. You should see a doctor.

Gibbs: DiNozzo. Tony: Boss? Gibbs: Stop eating the evidence!

Jeanne: You seemed worried. Tony: Yeah, we're dancing tonight and I'm working tomorrow. I don't have anything to wear. Jeanne: (laughs) Has anyone told you that you're an idiot? Tony: Yeah my boss all the time.