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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Special Agent Kate Todd
Special Agent Tony DiNozzo
Forensics Specialist Abby Sciuto
Special Agent Tim McGee
Chief M.E. Ducky Mallard
Samantha 'Jade' King
Keisha 'Summer Diamond' Scott
Detective Mark Mauceri
Asst. M.E. Jimmy Palmer
Abby: We'll figure it out together, Jimmy.
Palmer: Oh please, call me Jimmy.
Abby: I just did.
McGee (walks in on Abby and Palmer superglued together): Palmer, what the hell are you doing?!
Abby: You know, you didn't have to yell at him. Jimmy is terrified of you now.
McGee: He is? Cool.
Ducky: The knife missed her vital organs so the wound, in and of itself, was not fatal.
Gibbs: She didn't bleed to death.
Ducky: Exactly. Her body contained four liters of blood, so there was no exsanguination.
Ducky: I'm sorry, it's such a lovely word, exsanguination, I can't help saying it. (laughs nervously as Gibbs just looks at him) Moving on...
Tony: Twinkle Toes, Candy Pants, stay behind your mom here.
Tony: I knew this girl once. She squeaked. She made this little squeaking...
Kate: Tony! You want to tell Ducky that story?
Gibbs: He's heard it. We all have.
Jade: Who are you?
Tony: Same as Kate. Well not exactly.
Tony: (focusing on strippers behind) How's that?
Abby: Well it's art but we kinda need a shot of her face.
Tony: Boss, I don't know if you want to see this but you probably should...
Tony: (To Witness) Look, there is always something you remember about every woman, something you'll remember in twenty years time... something small and subtle... a piece of jewelry, a laugh... a smell.
Kate: Ugh, I feel like I've died and woke up in a Calvin Klein ad.
Ducky: (To Kate and Tony) We need to look a little deeper. There is clearly a latent sibling rivalry here, being expressed by your adolescent and sexually-charged bickering. It all stems from a desperate desire to please a father figure, and I think we all know who that is!
Kate: What has this got to do with my tuna fish sandwich?
Kate: We need a mediator Ducky or I'm going to have to go to Employee Relations.
Tony: Which would be tattling!
Kate: No, Employee Relations is not tattling!
Tony: It's the adult version of I'm telling mummy.
Kate: You're so juvenile!
Tony: Am not.
Kate: Are so!
Tony: Am not!
Kate: We need an unofficial mediator Ducky.
Ducky: Well, did you try Gibbs?
Ducky: Good point.
Kate: We thought of McGee.
Tony: But, we have no respect for him.
Kate: And then we thought of you!
Ducky: I see, third on the short list. Well, at least I beat out Abby.
Tony: Well, we just came from there.
Kate: She turned us down.
Tony: I didn't think you would notice!
Kate: Oh stealing food is okay if no one notices!
Tony: It wasn't stealing, it was sharing.
Kate: It was my lunch! I don't want to share my lunch!
Tony: See you just said it was sharing!
Ducky: Excuse me. Show a little respect, this is a place of peace and dignity.
Tony: That was before Kate got here.
Tony: Suspect claims he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls, too. At night, some guy seems all dark and gnarly, and then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works at a bank.
McGee: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real and you don't disappoint me.
Tony: Little miss tighty pants here blows it out of proportion.
Gibbs: (to suspect) You went home with one woman and woke up with another.
Tony: I hate it when that happens...
Gibbs: I need the condoms tested.
Abby: Not what you want to hear first thing in the morning....
Kate: Why bulldog?
McGee: I don't know.
Tony: Bulldog bites you in the ass and never lets go.
Abby: (about stripper) Wow Kate! How'd you get her to do that?
(talking about the bouncers at the club)
Tony: Gosh, those guys were big. Big, big, big, big!
Tony: Sounds like someone I know.
Tony: Are you done yet? (Standing over McGee, eating a cookie. Wipes crumbs off of McGee's head)
McGee: Yeah boss.
Gibbs: Locals think it was a hit-and-run, what about you?
McGee: Me? Um... Me... Uh...
Tony: Answer the man, probie!
Tony: (after Gibbs takes the last cookie) That's so not right.
(After Abby gets the picture and Tony keeps staring at the stripper.)
Gibbs: I'm watching you DiNozzo.
Tony: Just being thorough boss.
(Tony watching a singer/dancer at the club, nodding his head up and down with the music)
Gibbs: Tony stop jumping up and down. We can't see.
Willie: I dunno about you, but I've slept with a lot of women.
Tony: I wouldn't know anything about that Willy, I'm a Mormon.
Ducky: I'm flattered that you would entrust your relationship to me. It will be rather like.... marriage counselling. (smiles, Tony and Kate give a look)
Tony: Oh, let's not use those words.
Tony: Maybe she has a funky side. We all have a funky side. Except Kate. (Kate elbows him) And you boss. You don't have a funky side, I'm sure.
Gibbs: Are you done?
Gibbs: Done or fired. Those are your options.
Ducky: It's prohibitively expensive and rarely works.
Gibbs: So is marriage.
(Tony is snoring)
Kate: I'll wake him up.
Gibbs: No. I got a better idea. (Speeds up then slams on the brakes. Tony is now awake)
Kate: Bad dream, DiNozzo?!
Tony: I... wha... uh... wha...
The song "Sophisticated Lady", performed by Mya Harrison in her role of Samantha King/Jade, is from her third album Mood Ring, released in 2003.
Original International Airdates:
Croatia: December 15, 2005 on NOVA TV
Finland: May 26, 2007 on Nelonen
France: November 04, 2005 on M6
Germany: December 15, 2005 on SAT.1
Sweden: July 09, 2005 on TV3
Denmark: March 15, 2005 on TV3
Tony: With a voice like that Samantha could have been the next Brandy.
Brandy Norwood, aka Brandy, is a young pop R&B singer/actress whose career peaked in the late 90s. Mya Harrison, aka Mya, portrayed Samantha and is also a popular pop R&B singer/actress of a similar ilk, but whose sexuality in her music eventually pushed the likes of Brandy into the sidelines.
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