NCIS Season 2 Episode 20

Gibbs: (referring to a locked computer file) Can you open it?
Abby: They don't call me 'Five Fingered Sciuto' for nothing! Actually, nobody calls me that. My nickname is actually Vampersteen, but I never really liked the sound of it...

Tony: There's definitely something wrong with this guy.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Listens to folk music.

(When Tony and Kate first get into McGee's apartment)
Tony: Told you he was a boxers guy.
Kate: Yeah, McGee, I thought for sure you were a tighty whitey man.

Kate: (after saying she knew someone smarter then McGee) I was talking about Abby, do-do head.

Tony: Hi ladies! (pause) God, I miss college.

McGee: That wasn't nice.
Tony: They don't pay us enough to be nice.

Tony: (about an activist ex-girlfriend) Wasn't bad until she stopped shaving her arm pits and...(Kate looks at him, appalled) She owns a car dealership now if you're looking for a good deal.

Tony: Turn that frown upside down, sweetie. We're going back to college.
Kate: Tony, it's like you never left.

Abby: (after Gibbs already knows what she was going to tell him) Really, really hate when he does that.

McGee: You can barely turn on your computer, Tony.

Abby: You might be smart, but my geek carries a gun.

Suspect: Ow... You're hurting me.
McGee: You hear something Tony?
Tony: No.
McGee: Me neither.

Gibbs: (Ducky was going to demonstrate breaking someone's neck on Palmer) I'll do it, Duck.
Tony: This oughta be fun.
Gibbs: On you.
Tony: Is that really necessary?
Gibbs: It'll be fun.

Tony: You hear that, Palmer?
Palmer: He sounded pretty upset...
Tony: No. He called me his Senior Field Agent. Finally.

Gibbs: Where have you been?
Tony: Stopped for coffee. Got you your... welcome.

Ducky: You're blowing in my ear, Mr. Palmer.

(After McGee and Abby have a slight argument and have stuck their tongues out at each other)
Gibbs: Oh, so glad to see you two don't need adult supervision.
Abby: McGee's annoying me again.
Gibbs: (as McGee tries to speak) Don't...

Tony: Sending Gibbs on a panty raid...
Kate: He's going to kill you.

Gibbs: (after he and Tony burst in on a room full of girls) I'm going to kill McGee.
Tony: We've got it covered Kate.

Gibbs: You tell Abby I want her.
Abby: Oh, Gibbs, I never knew.

(looking over the shoulder of a student surfing a porn site)
Tony: That's what I'm talking about!
Kate: Don't you get enough of that at home?
Tony: My internet connection is down.

Tony: (after seeing a guy in a ski mask run by) I'd say that's abnormal.

Tony: You should really meet our boss. He'd like you.
Hunter Huxley: You should really meet my lawyers. They'd love you.

(to dorm occupant)
Tony: What's your name, little girl?
Dorm Occupant: Simon Frankel.
Tony: Okay, listen Urkel, we're here on official business. So, why don't you go back to your dorm room and play dungeon master and let professionals do their work, okay?
Dorm Occupant: I'm just trying to help.
Tony: You wanna be a big help?
Dorm Occupant: Yeah, definitely.
Tony: 'Kay, put your hands in the air, nothing to be worried about! Spread yours legs, okay, stick out your tongue. (he complies) You're the gargoyle that guards this door! (Tony slams the door in his face)

Suspect: What do they call it? The box? Coffin? Sweat shop?
Tony: No... we just call it interrogation.

Ducky: Any idea why the young man is half-naked?
Gibbs: It must be a college thing.

(while Kate and Tony are in McGee's apartment)
Tony: Kind of like watching National Geographic (with an accent). Watch as the McGee moves slowly from the watering hole, trailed by hyenas.
Kate: This place needs a lot of help McGee.
Tony: At least you're not building a boat in your basement.

(when Kate and Tony crash into McGee's apartment)
Kate: Aww look... He eats dinosaur cereal...

Kate: Say goodbye.
Tony: To what?
Kate: Your glory years. They've passed you by. Time to hang up your beer bong.
Tony: Ouch, Kate. Ouch.

Gunny: Sometimes I feel like a kindergarten teacher.
Gibbs: Oh yeah. I'm familiar with the sentiment.

Abby: Somebody's in a really bad mood.
Gibbs: Spending the night in a room full of crying women does that to me.

Tony: Poor Probie.
Kate: You think he needs a group hug?!
Tony: Awww...

McGee: What kind of interrogation is this?
Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty, but effective.

Tony: You missed your calling boss. Shoulda been a chiropractor.

Tony: Even George Clooney couldn't get laid in here.

Kate: I hate to say it but that was good idea, Tony.
Gibbs: (coming in) What was Kate?
Kate: Tony figured out a way to find the hacker.
Gibbs: Of course. It's his job. ... You think I keep him around for his personality?

Tony: Sounds like 'Hell Week'.
Gibbs: 'Hell Week'?
Tony: Yeah, fraternal right of passage. Worst week of my life, followed by the best four years.
Gibbs: Yeah? You were running around in your skivvies, Dinozzo?
Tony: Technically...but back then they made us wear them on our heads. I think it was sort of a character building thing.
Kate: Certainly explains a lot.