NCIS Season 4 Episode 13

Dane Hogan: Sharif has the BZ, but he can't even use it. I mean, if you ingest it, it'll kill you. But last time I checked, bleach and bug spray will do the same thing; and you can buy that anywhere. There is no terror attack.
Col. Mann: Then why are there six people in the hospital right now?

Dane Hogan: Every time there's a disaster, someone cashes in. Katrina -- the construction companies cleaned up. Tsunami -- traders made a killing in tsunami detection stock.
Col. Mann: And during a chemical scare?
Dane Hogan: Have you checked the stock markets today? My company paid me in stock options. The news a phony attack put six people in the hospital, well, that worked 'coz everybody's out buying gas masks now. Stock prices went through the roof. I'll be a millionaire by tomorrow's bell.
Gibbs: You're gonna be in prison by tomorrow's bell.
Col. Mann: You gave a terrorist deadly nerve gas.

Col. Mann: He's putting the BZ on the money.
Gibbs: By the time that changes hands in 36 hours...
Col. Mann: (finishing Gibbs' sentence) A lot more than 100,000 will be at risk.

Tony: I've got an idea - campfire!

Tony: I have an entirely inappropriate joke about strip clubs, but I'll save it for a less terrifying moment.

McGee: So this is the guy Ziva was drooling over.
Ziva: I wasn't drooling!
Tony: Please, I saw you undressing him with your bedroom eyes.
Ziva: At least I'm not the one asking him if he waxed his eyebrows!
Tony: It's important to appreciate the competition.

Tony: You know, since I'm here, it's a shame to waste me! I vote for a group bath!

Mann: You know, we're a distraction to your team. We can't have anything interfering with finding Sharif.
Gibbs: We're gonna find him. Then what?
Mann: Interfere.

Jenny: You'll be working under Agent Gibbs. Your boss and I flipped a coin for it. Is that a problem?
Colonel Mann: No problem. I'm just...
Gibbs: Used to being on top.
Colonel Mann: In command, yes.

Colonel Mann: They always finish your sentences for you?
Gibbs: I teach them to anticipate.
Colonel Mann: Well, they do it well. You must be a good teacher.
Gibbs: (sounding like Elvis) Well, thank you very much.

Colonel Mann: So the real question- are our cases connected?
Tony: As connected as McGee and his cute little writing pipe.

Colonel Mann: Funny, us running into each other like that.
Gibbs: Funny?
Colonel Mann: You have a better word for it?
Gibbs: A few come to mind.

Tony: I've got a bad feeling about this. We let Elf-lord go in, we'll never get him out.
McGee: Getting old, Tony.

Tony: (referring to the eyeball) How'd it get into his stomach?
Ducky: I don't know, Tony, but there are only two pathways into the stomach. Neither possibility is particularly appetizing.

Ducky: Sadly, the outbreak of war led to shortages, which led to ill-fitting eyeballs, which had a tendency to pop out during rigorous interpersonal activity.
Tony: Such as?
Ducky: I leave that to your imagination, Tony.
(a little while later)
Tony: Oh, I get it! Ha, rigorous interpersonal activity!

McGee: Morse code's a dying art.
Ziva: (referring to the victim) It was for him.

Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Okay before we do this I just need to know one thing -- how'd you get that damn boat out of the basement?

Ducky: (holding a jar of the dead guy's urine) Smell it.
Tony: I prefer not to.

Mann: What do you see in my eyes?
Gibbs: You want me to kiss you.
Mann: So are you going to?
Gibbs: Yeah.
Mann: When?
Gibbs: After we catch Sharif.
Mann: That's probably a good idea.
Gibbs: Really? 'Cause I was hoping you wouldn't think that.

Daniel: What do you want?
Tony: My partner probably needs know your home phone number. (Ziva hits Tony in the stomach) See, if you let it go, he would have thought I was kidding.

(Everyone is at the bowling alley shouting "Drop your weapon!")
Lt. Col. Hollis Mann: Okay, let's all put down our weapons since clearly we're all on the same team.

Gibbs: Where'd you want to put the tattoo?
Abby: Okay, you're right, you're not the right person to ask.

Tony: (to McGee) Good job. I'm proud of you - like a weird uncle.

Tony: So from now on when we say "raincheck" we mean "no"?
Jeanne: Not "no" with a capital "N" but "no" with a lower-case "n".