NCIS

Jenny (to Tony): To get here, in this office, especially as a woman? My career has been on the fast track my entire life. And between you and me? Sometimes I wish I had taken it a little slower.

Tony: You can't tell me you didn't miss this when you were in Mexico. Gibbs: A couple of minutes. Tony: That's it? Gibbs: That's the difference between putting the Lieutenant in a body bag... or an ambulance.

Ziva: If you let me drive, we would have been here a half hour ago! Tony: Yeah, our bodies could be in a twisted wreck, awaiting the 'jaws of life'. Ziva: Gibbs lets me drive. Tony: I have more to live for.

Jenny: Your performance these last four months has been exemplary. You've earned it. Tony: What about La Grenouille? It took months getting in. Jenny: You're not getting too involved, are you? Tony: Only in the mission. If we put another agent undercover La Grenouille will smell it. Jenny: So you're passing on a promotion that any other agent in this building would kill for all because you're worried about some long shot mission? I don't think so.

Gibbs: Any questions? Ziva: Yeah, just one. Can anyone please explain what speed dating is?

Jenny: You should be proud of him. Gibbs: DiNozzo? Jenny: When you left there were some rocky moments. He really held the team together. Gibbs: It's what I trained him to do. Jenny: I just think you should know he excelled at it. Gibbs: Then give him his own team, Jen. Jenny: You think he's ready? Gibbs: I wouldn't have quit if he wasn't. Jenny: You should tell him that. Gibbs: Oh trust me, when DiNozzo thinks he's ready for his own team, you'll know about it. Hell, the whole world will know about it!

Tony: I'm worried about Jethro.
Jenny: Jethro is fine.
Tony: Then how do you explain that thing on his upper lip?

Gibbs: Good job. (he leaves) Abby: (to Bert) Those are two words I will never take for granted again, Bert.

Ziva: (doing stretches) We could be missing something. (bends over) Tony: (Checking out Ziva's butt) Believe me---not from this angle.

Gibbs: (referring to Larry) He's clean, Ziva.
Ziva: Yeah, well, you didn't have to smell him, Gibbs!

Ziva: (trying to be coy) There's something about your eyes.
Larry: I get that a lot. It's allergies.

Ziva: Ninety-second dates? I thought you were kidding me, Gibbs.
Gibbs: You'll do fine, Ziva. I had marriages shorter than that.
Ziva: Ha! I'm beginning to understand why.

Ziva: I look like a dork.
Tony: Yeah, that's the point!

McGee: (referring to the speed dating service) Okay, you know what? I thought about going to one, one time. Tony: (horrified) After this is over, you and I are going to have a little talk!

Abby: Aw, you and the director make nice Gibblets, Gibbs!

Tony: (referring to the picture created of Gibbs' and Jenny's daughter) Even with Gibbs as the father, I'd date her.
Gibbs: Never more than once, DiNozzo.

Gibbs: Don't apologize, DiNozzo.
Tony: Right. Sign of weakness.
Ziva: Not to mention annoying.

Abby: Is it just me, or does he seem a little...
Ziva: Snitchy?
Abby: Well, that's close enough. It's gotta be that damn mustache.

McGee: (referring to Gibbs) Is it just me, or does he seem a little more...
Tony: Human?
McGee: Well, I was gonna say mellow, but... yeah.
Tony: Yeah. I think it's the mustache... lulling us into a false sense of security.

Tony: So I got used to being in charge, sue me. (Both Tony and Ziva go for the driver's seat) Ziva: Is there a reason why you always have to drive? Tony: I could say it's because I'm the senior field agent, but mostly because I want to live. Ziva: Then I recommend getting un-used to being in charge before Gibbs decides to kill you.

McGee: (referring to Tony predicting a new incoming case) How did you know?
Tony: Well, it's a gift, McGee; I choose not to question it.
McGee: Where we goin', Boss?
Gibbs: Ask DiNozzo. All I got was a wrong number.
(Tony winces)

(Tony is on the phone) Tony: (About Gibbs) Yes, his mustache is real...

Ziva: (Pretending to be a nerd) I like computers, and the thing you do with the yarn.

Ziva: You've been whining like a little snitch all week! Tony: The term is bitch. Ziva: I know. I was being polite!

Tony: What's my motto, McGee? McGee: You'll never date a woman who eats more than you do? Tony: Hah, well that's true.

(Calvin Hopper grabs Ziva's ass.) Ziva: Remove your hand or I will rip off your arm and beat you to death with it.

Ziva: I've seen software like this before, Abby. Mossad used earlier versions of it to age Nazi war criminals. It was a great asset to hunting them down. Gibbs: (to Abby) So basically what you're saying to me is, we have nothing. Abby: Gibbs, Ziva's talking about Nazis! I wouldn't exactly call Nazis nothing. (Gibbs looks at her) We have nothing.

Ziva: Drop your weapon. Or if you prefer I could shoot you in the spine. Would you rather be a para- or a quadriplegic?