NCIS Season 1 Episode 14

Kate: I wonder who Commander Julius'decorator was? Tony: Siegfried and Roy?

Charlie: I want to thank a group of people who are the unsung heroes.
Kate: We won't be once you start singing.
Charlie: The voters of Grayson County...
(Kate and Tony are speechless)
Gibbs: It's an election year.

Abby: Are either of you guys Libras?
Tony & Kate: No.
Abby: Good thing cause they are so screwed this week.

(Tony tosses paper over his shoulder and it lands in trash basket)
Kate: How do you do that?
Tony: First string varsity Ohio State.

Charlie: What's that cologne you're wearing?
Gibbs: I'm not wearing any.
Charlie: Oh that's me. It's a new perfume. Do you like it?

Tony: Hey Boss, don't you have some weird thing about women and sawdust? I don't think it's weird.

Gibbs: You're particularly feisty today, Abby.
Abby: Thank you for noticing.

Abby: I had a boyfriend who snuck up on me once. He was walking funny for a week. Or I should say funnier.

Gerald: I actually find that interesting.
Ducky: As opposed to what?

Tony: Look on the bright side.
Kate: What bright side?
Tony: It's just an expression.

Abby: Gibbs, didn't your momma teach you not to sneak up on people?

Charlie: Now Jethro. We are going to have a tough time working together if you don't call me Charlie.

Tony: So you're saying that someone stole your urine while you weren't looking?
Laura Seeger: Yes!
Tony: How, exactly, would they do that?

Kate: Can I ask you a question, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Is this one of those questions where it's not going to matter if I say no?

Gibbs: How hard is it for an attractive woman to get a man to do what she wants?
Kate and Charlie: (speaking at same time) That's easy. Happens every day.
Tony: Ladies! I think that was a rhetorical question.

Gibbs: Did you run...
Abby: Run it through AFIS?
Gibbs: Feisty and psychic.
Abby: It's a killer combination.

Gibbs: How we doing on the DNA sample?
Abby: I just got it two hours ago!
Gibbs: And?
Abby: You can't rush science, Gibbs. You can yell at it and scream at it, but you can't rush it.

Kate: I know, you're going to ask me to call the LEOs in the other county and have them send over the evidence.
Gibbs: I wasn't going to ask.

Tony: Hey what do you make of this? (looks at post-it note, pronounces one long word slowly) eeegotooomaaaaaneeee
Kate: I got too many.
Tony: Oh, yeah. Thanks.

Sheriff: You got a first name?
Gibbs: Jethro.
Sheriff: Your parents had a sense of humor.

Ducky: I thought I was going mad. The two autopsies were nearly identical. It was deja vu all over again.
Tony: Hey, that's a Yogi Berra quote!
Kate: The cartoon character?
Tony: Not Yogi Bear, Yogi Berr-a.
Kate: Well, judging by your reaction he's either a sports person or a bouncer at a strip club.
Tony: Gentleman's club.

Tony: Twins. The Holy Grail of dating.
Kate: Where do you come up with this stuff?
Tony: (ignoring her) Although twins that kill... not good.

Tony: This reminds me of a case I worked once. Guy hated mailmen -
Kate: Letter carrier.
Tony: What?
Kate: They're called letter carriers, not mailmen.
Tony: Since when?
Kate: I don't think there was a specific date, Tony, it just kind of evolved.

Tony: I'll be your emergency contact.
Kate: Thanks, I'll...get somebody else.
Tony: Yeah, what's wrong with me?
Kate: Where do I start?

Abby: Is that a guess, or do you actually know where I'm going with this?
Gibbs: What do you think?
Abby: Well, I don't know, that's why I asked you.
Gibbs: Why don't you just tell me?
Abby: So you don't know.
Gibbs: I want to make sure you know.
Abby: Hm.
Gibbs: Hm.
Abby: We should play poker sometime.
Gibbs: Yeah, we should.

Gibbs: Don't say anything Dinozzo.
Tony: I wasn't going to.
Gibbs: Don't even think it.
Tony: Too late.

Kate: Why does Gibbs have two coffees?
Tony: I don't know, but it's a good bet it has something to do with one of his ex-wives.

Abby: Ready to have your world rocked again.
Gibbs: I'm barely over the last time.