Ned and Stacey

FOX (ended 1997)


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Episode Guide

    • Sleepless in Manhattan
      Sleepless in Manhattan
      Season 1 - Episode 11
      Stacey somehow convinces Ned to come shopping with her for a new bed, a task that takes them all over the city with no purchase in sight. Finally Stacey sees the perfect bed--but the store manager tells her it's already been sold. Eager to end the shopping trip, Ned bribes the manager into selling it to her. Back home, Stacey is ecstatic with her new purchase, but Eric lets it slip how Ned made the deal. Stacey spends a sleepless night worrying about the poor soul who may have been cheated out of this wonderful bed. When they try to return it the next day, the manager tells them all sales are final--until Ned bribes him again. When Stacey hears about this arrangement, she won't accept it, provoking a frenzied outburst from Ned and a huge fight in the middle of the department store.moreless
    • Scenes From a Muffin Shop
      Scenes From a Muffin Shop
      Season 2 - Episode 13
      At the shop, Ned putters around in a good mood, having just passed his one-month anniversary with Diana, who drops by to say she has to cancel their dinner date that night because of business. At the restaurant that evening Amanda and Eric see Diana kissing another man. Stacey and Amanda are against telling Ned, but Eric feels he should. Diana shows up at Eric's cubicle and icily warns him not to say anything to Ned. Despite his fear of Diana, Eric tells what he saw to his friend. When confronted, Diana acts like it's normal behavior for people like her and Ned. He tries to play along, pretending he has other women on the side. A date with a beautiful set of triplets fails to make Diana suitably jealous, so Ned goes on an arduous dating spree, going after bigger and better targets. Stacey finally confronts Ned about his behavior and true feelings, sounding very much like she really cares about her fake husband. Ned admits that Diana's actions bother him. Ned goes to see Diana ready to ask for some commitment or to break up with her if she refuses. He doesn't get exactly what he wants, but they manage to keep their relationship from dissolving.moreless
    • No Retreat, No Surrender
      No Retreat, No Surrender
      Season 2 - Episode 16
      Ned's agency is going on a retreat to a ski resort. Ned doesn't want to take Stacey but she corners Pat Kirkland and convinces him that this is just what she and Ned need to help save their marriage. Ned has amorous plans for the office manager Ms. Willoughby, but the presence of his wife makes it hard for him to convince the young woman to go along with them. Amanda also wants to spend some quality romantic time with her husband Eric, but he is in seminar heaven and is ignoring his wife's wishes. At the couples seminar, Ned and Stacey find out that there's really not that much they despise about each other anymore. Back in their room, it appears that the fake marriage may be finally moving toward a consummation, but Ms. Willoughby shows up. Now the prospect of both love and office supplies appears dim for Ned.moreless
    • A Tender Trap
      A Tender Trap
      Season 1 - Episode 16
      Stacey engineers an "accidental" meeting with Megan Foster, whose contacts in the publishing world could help get Stacey a staff job at a magazine. But Megan turns out to be much more interested in Ned. Stacey pleads with Ned not to treat this woman like one of his one-night stands. Trying to help Stacey, Ned acceeds to all of Megan's sexual demands, which are exhausting him. Meanwhile Eric can commiserate with Ned--he and Amanda are trying to have another child, and during her ovulation, she's putting him through his paces like a "drill sergeant!"moreless
    • Reality Check
      Reality Check
      Season 1 - Episode 9
      At a birthday dinner for Amanda at the gang's regular restaurant, Stacey's credit cards are all overdrawn when she tries to pay. Eric offers to pick up the check, but Stacey says no, it's my treat--and tells Ned to pay. Back at the apartment she writes Ned a check for the dinner, a check he knows will bounce. Ned soon gets the story out of her--she's in deep financial trouble. In fact when Eric comes over to figure out her situation, he finds she's $28,000 in debt! Amanda suggests she start cutting her losses by moving out on Ned, but he will not hear of losing his trophy wife. The next morning Ned and Stacey visit the bank to try to straighten things out and are told they best term they can offer her is a partial payment of $5600 due immediately. Ned writes a check but a proud (and unrealistic) Stacey tears it up, still insisting their finances are separate and she can pay off the money herself. Stacey is rolling up coins, taking hack writing jobs, doing anything she can to make money--including waitressing three nights a week at the restaurant, where she is proving to be terribly incompetent. Ned doesn't know she's working there until he brings in Olivia Newton-John for a schmooze session. To his horror, Stacey is his waitress. The combination of her constant pestering and awful service turns Ms. Newton-John's sunny dispsition sour and she stalks out on Ned. At closing time Ned returns to the restaurant to find Stacey has been fired. Once again he gives her a $5600 check, but this time he says it's a proper loan. She accepts.moreless
    • Accountus Interruptus
      Accountus Interruptus
      Season 1 - Episode 13
      Ned pitches ideas to sexy CEO Jordan Haswell, who makes it clear after the meeting that sex will seal the deal, a prospect which Ned finds to his liking. Later at a party at Ned's, Jordan openly flirts with him in front of Stacey, who is outraged since Jordan doesn't know about her and Ned's arrangement. Stacey tells Ned that by acceding to Jordan's demands for sex, he's no better than her "punk." Later in Jordan's room, Ned is troubled by Stacey's words and has an uncharacteristic attack of morality, refusing to sleep with Jordan even if it means losing the account.moreless
    • The Skyward's the Limit
      The Skyward's the Limit
      Season 2 - Episode 14
      Stacey is proud of her latest article for Skyward magazine, "The Secret Rivers of the Northwest." But her boss Mr. Pace cuts out all the parts about toxic waste dumping, and does it rather condescendingly as well. Furious, Stacey talks to the other writers about a work stoppage against Pace. They heartily agree--until the moment he steps out of his office. Pace demands a rewrite and an apology, both due the next day. Driving Stacey to work the next day, Ned is in a great mood, having decided to fly out to L.A. to see Diana. Stacey ruins that mood when she breaks down crying about her failure as a writer. Ned tries to gloss over things, but after he reads the article Stacey left behind in the car, he goes to confront Stacey's boss. But in the meantime, Stacey has been grovelling at Pace's feet in front of the rest of the staff. Ned bursts in and with his usual bombast lambastes Pace, praising Stacey's article, even though he read only the sanitized version. He tells Pace that Stacey will quit her job. Stacey, though grateful later, shuts Ned up and throws him out of the office. Also, Eric has a hard time deciding which one of the cops who patronize the muffin shop expects complimentary muffins and which wants to pay.moreless
    • The Other End (2)
      The Other End (2)
      Season 2 - Episode 1
      After a recap of the previous season-ending episode, a shell-shocked Stacey arrives at the Moyers telling them how Ned kissed her then threw her out. She finally decides to go to Alex's to stay. At work Ned exaggerates his sorrow at the breakup with his supposedly beloved wife to gain sympathy from the boss, but Eric is sure Ned has unspoken and unresolved feelings for Stacey and encourages him to tell her about them. Pat Kirkland tells Ned to straighten out his life. Stacey returns to the apartment with Amanda to get her things. She's worried about how they will react when they see each other, but Ned tries to give the impression that he's never been happier, disappointing her. Stacey overloads Alex's apartment with her belongings. Back at work, Ned's confused state of mind is illustrated when he shows a wildly inappropriate commercial to the head of the Family Goodness food company. Kirkland threatens to fire Ned. Eric takes Ned out to a family gathering at Alex's parents where he wants Ned to tell Stacey his true feelings. When Ned gets to the door and sees Stacey in the bosom of Alex's family, he's too tongue-tied to speak coherently.moreless
    • The Errand Girl
      The Errand Girl
      Season 2 - Episode 15
      It won't be long before the divorce is final, and Stacey is in her usual financial straits as she looks for an apartment. Diana offers her a high-paying job as her personal assistant and Stacey jumps at it. When Ned tries to ease some of the demanding tasks Diana has given Stacey, Diana accuses Ned of having feelings for his soon-to-be ex-wife. To prove he doesn't, Ned stands by quietly as Diana cruelly exploits Stacey to greater and greater degrees. When Stacey is made to don a ridiculous bookworm outfit at a reception for an author she admires, Ned can take it no longer and breaks off his relationship with Diana.moreless
    • All That Chazz
      All That Chazz
      Season 2 - Episode 20
      Stacey and Ned are working on the final paperwork for the divorce and they're having a good time, playing silly physical games with each other just like lovers would. To delay the final signing, Ned tells Stacey he has an important date the next day. At the muffin shop, the dimwit Chazz asks Stacey to go out. She accepts. After a trip to the IMAX theatre where Chazz indulges in his usual moronics like falling out of his seat, Stacey is ready to call it a night. She grants him a goodnight kiss, though, and finds out that she likes it very much. In fact, the next day at the muffin shop, a breathless Stacey is telling an incredulous Amanda that Chazz is the greatest lover she could ever imagine. Ned confides to Eric that he's troubled by the feelings he now has for Stacey. Back home, Ned tries to recreate their good time of a couple of days before to stop Stacey from going back out with Chazz. It doesn't work, and Ned ridicules Chazz, asking if he's really the man she wants to spend her life with. Before she walks out the door, Stacey asks Ned if he's saying that he himself is that man. But before Stacey can continue the relationship with Chazz, he breaks up with her, saying she's too smart to be satisfied with a person like him. Stacey returns home dejectedly to a disappointed Ned, where they take at least some small comfort in each other. But they go to their bedrooms separately, as always, ending the episode with obviously unresolved feelings about each other.moreless
    • Dorsey vs. Dorsey
      Dorsey vs. Dorsey
      Season 2 - Episode 2
      Stacey is at the restaurant with Alex and her cutesy-pie-lovers act is getting a little old for Eric--and one suspects for Alex, too. Ned comes in and sees them and he and Stacey begin sniping at each other. In an effort to eradicate traces of Stacey from the apartment, Ned turns her old room into a rec room. He also agrees to invest $65,000 in a piece of real estate Amanda wants badly. Stacey arrives at Ned's with her lawyer and the two women gang up on him, informing him that he breached his pre-nuptial agreement and that Stacey can legally keep her room in his apartment. At a racquetball game with Alex, Ned slams him in the crotch with a serve. Amanda comes to Ned's to get a check from him, followed by Stacey, who accuses him of assaulting Alex on purpose. Stacey's lawyer emerges from the bedroom wearing lingerie. Stacey leaves in a furor, followed by her sister Amanda--who makes sure to return for the check. Back at his apartment, Alex tells Stacey that he's tired of the war between her and Ned. He doesn't want to be caught in the middle of it anymore and so he's breaking off his relationship with Stacey. Dejectedly, she returns to Ned's apartment to spend the night. She lays her head down on a table, since her room is otherwise bare, and Ned brings her a blanket and pillow. Then we hear him nailing the door shut.moreless
    • The Muffins Take Manhattan
      The Muffins Take Manhattan
      Season 2 - Episode 3
      Stacey and Ned are back together again in the apartment while waiting for divorce. Stacey insists she wants their lives and finances entirely separate during this time, an arrangement Ned then extends to cover the contents of the refrigerator. Amanda and Ned go to check out the last tenant of the property they bought, a muffin shop on the ground level. The old lady who runs the shop was under the impression that the shop would continue in operation and her dismay causes Amanda some discomfort. Ned has a run-in with one of the shop's elderly patrons, Nate. After playing a childish prank on Stacey, she angrily tells Ned he's so selfish that he couldn't even imagine being anyone other than himself for even a second. That night he has a dream and sees himself as various characters from the muffin shop. The next day when the building sale is to be finalized, Ned does an about face and decides to keep the shop and run it--or rather, have Amanda run it. Amanda is wary of the idea but Eric warms up to it.moreless
    • Saul and Ellen and Ned and Stacey
      Saul and Ellen and Ned and Stacey
      Season 1 - Episode 6
      The Dorseys and the Colberts are on their way to see Stacey and Amanda's parents, something the women are not looking forward to. They wonder just who arranged this outing anyway, and it turns out to be Ned. At the Colbert house Ned fawns shamelessly over Ellen and Saul. Back at home, Stacey tells Ned he shouldn't get too close to her parents, since once their sham marriage is over and she's involved in a real one, she won't want him in her life anymore. Ned says he enjoys the parental attention he never got as a kid, but Stacey lays down the law: no more seeing her parents unless she OK's it.

      A few days later Stacey is going out on a date with new acquaintance Neil, who is informed about the "fake marriage" arrangement, but before the couple leaves she catches Ned talking on the phone to her mother. In fact, her parents are dropping by before going to the theatre, which means Stacey will have to stay home until they arrive and depart. Later, Stacey and Neil are out while Ned has his latest conquest, Veronica, in bed. Unexpectedly, Saul and Ellen show back up at the apartment--their car is blocked in. Ned almost succeeds in sneaking his date out but Stacey and her date show up just as he's opening the door. Ned pretends Stacey is coming back from the store and that Veronica and Neil are married friends. Neil and Veronica, playing along with the cover story, begin to hit it off. Stacey calls Amanda for help in getting out of this situation, but when she and Eric arrive, the impromptu get-together turns into something of a party. Neil and Veronica beg off and leave together. The Colbert's car is finally unblocked, but it's too late for them to drive home, so they stay over--forcing Ned and Stacey to spend the night together in the same bed.moreless
    • Best of Luck on Future Projects
      Best of Luck on Future Projects
      Season 2 - Episode 22
      Ned is working out of the muffin shop (with little success), he's being sued by his former employer for stealing a client, and now Stacey is ready to move out of the apartment. He flashes back to the beginning of his relationship with her. Ned meets an old client who's started a promising new business, and he sees an opportunity for himself. He pleads with Stacey to help him out one last time in her role as "business wife," and she relents. The meeting with his client goes well, until the couple gets another invitation out. Ned tells Stacey she needs to continue in her role, because she's proven that she doesn't have the maturity to live life on her own. Hurt and insulted, Stacey storms out. A few days later, the divorce is finally granted. Ned has sublet his apartment and is living out of the muffin shop, where his early morning routine is not doing much to ensure repeat business from the customers. He shows up one day at Stacey's studio apartment, telling her how he's been on the road having various adventures, but has come back now to tell her that he loves her. Stacey is forced to admit she loves him too, but doesn't want to have another relationship with him. She invites him to spend the night--on a coffee table since her place doesn't have a couch yet--but Ned declines. They part.moreless
    • Loganberry's Run
      Loganberry's Run
      Season 2 - Episode 6
      Amanda is harried and harassed by the plethora of details involved in running the muffin shop, while Ned treats it as his plaything. Stacey bring her co-workers from "Skyward" magazine to the shop to give the place "literary ambiance," but all they do is take up space and spend little money. Amanda demands that Ned be a silent partner and she resists his ideas, especially the one about selling a loganberry muffin.

      At the ad agency Eric has to fire an employee, a task he's ill-suited for. He finally works up the nerve to do it on the third try, then promptly hires the guy to work as the muffin shop's full-time (and unnecessary) accountant. Meanwhile the loganberry muffin has become an obsession with Ned, who tries all sorts of tricks to get Amanda to make it.moreless
    • You Bet Your Wife
      You Bet Your Wife
      Season 1 - Episode 23
      Stacey is leaving for the movies as Peter is arriving for Ned's poker game and there is a spark of attraction during their brief meeting. At the poker table Ned and Peter are involved in a high-stakes bet which Ned can't cover. Peter won't let Ned renege on his own house rules, so Ned asks him if there is anything of his that he wants. Peter jokingly says a night with his wife. Holding four jacks, Ned agrees to take the bet, which he loses. After the game has broken up and Stacey has returned, Ned deceitfully offers to set Stacey up on a date with Peter, which she accepts. Peter comes around to collect his winnings, the unaware Stacey. Later, after twinges of his conscience (and a few choice words from Amanda, who found out about the unholy bet), Ned races over to Peter's place, hoping he's not too late.moreless
    • The End? (1)
      The End? (1)
      Season 1 - Episode 24
      After yet another bad date, Stacey complains about the paucity of good men available for someone like her. Ned scoffs at this, saying she's the problem and that he could easily find a better man for her than she ever could herself. Stacey takes the challenge and tells Ned she can find him a better woman for him than he can find for her (a man, that is. Got it?) Stacey's blind date with Ned's friend Alex turns out to be very enjoyable; in fact, she thinks he's just about the perfect man. Ned's date Frances, however, turns out to be a neurotic, psychotic wreck. Three weeks later Stacey and Alex are still a hot item, but Ned is getting resentful. Stacey has been spending so much time with Alex that she's been neglecting her "official" wife duties. After she misses an important affair with a big client, Ned is particularly angry with her. She promises to be back from her ski trip with Alex in time to meet the client and his wife at the apartment. When Stacey and Alex arrive home from the ski trip, they fall into bed and forget about the time. Ned brings home his boss Patrick Kirkland along with the president of the Family Goodness food company and the men's wives to meet Stacey. As they enter they find Stacey and Alex emerging naked from the bedroom. The embarrassed guests beat a hasty retreat. Ned begins throwing Stacey's clothes out in the living room and screaming at her to get out. Unprepared for this outburst, Stacey says she won't go. Ned says he'll let her out of their agreement a year early and pushes her out the door carrying her clothes. The two play elevator tag for awhile, finally coming face to face. After a pause, Ned grabs Stacey and passionately kisses her. They he yells at her to get out and sends her down the elevator. The season ends with him sitting alone in his apartment.moreless
    • It Happened One Night
      It Happened One Night
      Season 1 - Episode 22
      Feeling ill and irritated with her sister's complaining about her marriage to Ned, Amanda lashes out at Stacey, telling her she's responsible for her situation and that if she really wants her life to change, she should do something about it. Stacey abruptly decides to leave Ned and flees back to her parents' house. Her dad takes her to a coffee shop to talk, where Stacey tells him the marriage is a sham, but Saul doesn't grasp the true meaning. Ned arrives with Amanda at the Colberts and talks to Ellen. As Ellen attempts to counsel Ned, the younger ones both learn more than they want to know about the older couple. Amanda comes by the coffee shop to talk to Stacey. While there, the two of them see Stacey's old boyfriend Joey, who is now a pot-bellied father of six driving a bread truck. They flash back to the same coffee shop years earlier before their high school prom, where we see Stacey dressed in "Flashdance" gear, Amanda looking like Ally Sheedy in "The Breakfast Club," Eric as a nerdy busboy and Ned as a long-haired leather-clad biker. After reflection, Stacey agrees to go back to Ned.moreless
    • Skippy's Revenge
      Skippy's Revenge
      Season 2 - Episode 21
      At work, Pat Kirkland's son Skip is second-guessing Ned's ideas and generally undermining his position in the company. Ned confronts him, and Skip tells Ned how he was responsible for his being sent to military school 14 years before (in a story told in flashback). Ned delivers an ultimatum to the elder Kirkland: it's either Skippy or him, and he's ready to take clients with him if he goes. Kirkland shows him the door. Ned takes Eric with him, sure that Kirkland is bluffing, but he's not. At the muffin shop, Amanda delivers the joyous news that she's finally pregnant, but the occasion is dampened by Eric's new state of unemployment. Ned manages to steal an account from the agency, and he fortuitously meets Lloyd Bridges, who Stacey is interviewing for a magazine. Bridges agrees to endorse the client's product and makes a commercial. Ned and Eric are exulting in their success when the news breaks that an out-of-control Bridges has been arrested for shoplifting.moreless
    • Portrait of a Marriage
      Portrait of a Marriage
      Season 1 - Episode 2
      The morning after their first night "together," Stacey is up before Ned waiting for him to arise, anxious to make sure they "communicate" even if their marriage is a sham. But Ned doesn't see the need for it. He informs Stacey that he's having a cocktail party for some clients the next night and will need her to perform her role as his loving spouse. At work, Eric is admiring Ned's huge new office, but is scared when Les MacDowell, the guy beat out for the promotion, drops by. Ned and Les do a little verbal sparring, with Les agreeing to come to Ned's party the next night. Stacey comes home happy after selling an article, but is dismayed to find Ned has thrown out all the redecorating work she did.

      The party is to begin shortly, as Stacey is reducing to asking the serving staff if they've seen her husband--he didn't come home last night. Ned casually strolls in and hands Stacey a synopsis of their supposed history together, telling her to bone up on it right away. Stacey says it's "the most demeaning, sexist thing" she's ever seen and is ready to move out of the apartment. But Ned angrily tells her he's holding her to their agreement, telling her this whole thing between them is about him and his career, not her. At the party, the clients love the young couple, but tired of being humiliated by Ned's story of their courtship, Stacey adds a few embellishments that put Ned in a bad light. This serves to open a floodgate of bitter feelings between some of the clients and their wives along with Les and his wife Bernadette. Later, after the party is over, Ned and Stacey go out on the balcony and reflect how their fake marriage seems better than a lot of the "real" ones, making them wonder what exactly is real and what is fake.moreless
    • Les is More or Less Moral-less
      Les is More or Less Moral-less
      Season 2 - Episode 5
      Pat Kirkland is awaiting Eric's company audit, in which Eric has discovered that Les McDowell has been overcharging the company some $200,000 on his expense account. Scrupulously honest Eric won't cover for Les, so Les tries to blackmail Ned instead. He tells Ned than unless he stops Eric from turning in the report, he'll tells Kirkland about Ned and Stacey's arranged marriage, which Stacey earlier told Les's wife about. Ned goes to Eric, his career in the balance, but it's too late, he's already sent the audit via e-mail to Kirkland's office. So at an office Christmas party Amanda and (especially) Stacey try to keep Kirkland away from his office while Ned and Eric execute a Mission: Impossible-type plan to break into the office and retrieve the report. The result turns out to be more like "Mission: Ridiculous!"moreless
    • Friends and Lovers
      Friends and Lovers
      Season 1 - Episode 18
      Stacey and Amanda bump into Janine, an old schoolmate of Stacey's who she still resents for stealing her boyfriend and the lead in the school production of West Side Story. Right away it's obvious that Janine is still into one-upsmanship as she brags about her husband (the old boyfriend), their jobs and their lives. Amanda agrees to be her realtor in a search for a New York residence and Janine comes over to Ned's one night while everyone is there. Stacey tries to make her life sound wonderful to make Janine jealous. She sits in Ned's lap telling the (fictional) story of how he proposed to her. Ned, who's been on a sexual losing streak, gets aroused, to everyone's acute discomfort. Later Janine and Ned share a cab. Janine comes on to Ned, who resists briefly, then succumbs. When Stacey finds this out she's truly hurt by it, as she sees Janine taking something from her again. In order to make it up to Stacey, Ned brings Janine to the apartment and tells Stacey they had an affair, but he was only doing it to get back at Stacey for having her own affair--with JFK, Jr.! Janine leaves distrught and complaining about her sham of a marriage. Amanda, as always, loses her real estate commission.moreless
    • Halloween Story
      Halloween Story
      Season 1 - Episode 8
      A depressed Stacey would rather play couch potato than go to the Halloween party, as she grudgingly gives out produce and toiletry items to trick-or-treaters while stuffing herself full of sweets. At the party in his Zorro costume, Ned meets an attractive redhead, Rhonda, who is dressed as a bumblebee. Eric, in his female nurse's uniform, spends the evening fending off advances from a man dressed as a doctor. Amanda runs into Scott, Stacey's old boyfriend, who is also in a Zorro outfit. Amanda rushes to Stacey's apartment to tell her about Scott's presence. Stacey immediately puts on her bumblebee costume and rushes to the party, where she is reunited with Scott. Both Ned and Stacey make plans to rendezvous with their new lovers in a dark hallway. They both arrive at the same time and begin to make out passionately, until they recognize each others' voices, sending them both into a panic. A confused and distrught Stacey tells Amanda about the awful mistake, and that--horror of horrors--she liked it! She and Ned then try to make each other jealous with Scott and Rhonda, but their behavior turns so bizarre that the new loves both leave. Later Ned and Stacey try rather clinically to re-create the passion of the kiss. It doesn't work, and they are both relieved that their marriage is safe!moreless
    • Please Don't Squeeze the Eric
      Please Don't Squeeze the Eric
      Season 2 - Episode 19
      Eric is delighted when his superior at work, Stephanie, asks him to help with the annual fiscal review. But he's not so happy when she begins to make a move on him. Stephanie, however, tells Eric he's imagining things. But later at a dinner party at Ned's she leaves no doubt--she wants Eric! Amanda, unaware of the situation, thinks it's a great idea for Eric to accompany Stephanie on a trip to a conference in Boston and pressures him to go. Eric tells Ned about his dilemma. Ned's idea is to draw Stephanie's attention to himself, but his effort is so heavy-handed that he gets hit with a sexual harassment charge from her. Stephanie now realizes how she made Eric feel and apologizes to him. Ned meanwhile attempts to fight the charge by clumsily editing a surveillance videotape. Meanwhile Stacey must contend with an aching tooth despite her fear of dentists.moreless
    • The Gay Caballeros
      The Gay Caballeros
      Season 1 - Episode 19
      Ned enjoys a good relationship with his client, gay fashion designer Brent Barrow, who invites the Dorseys and the Moyers to his restaurant and takes Stacey and Amanda shopping at his warehouse. While helping Stacey put away her new clothes, he notices that she and Ned sleep in separate bedrooms. Stacey tells them that they have an arrangement. Brent says he understands but wrongly assumes she means Ned is gay. Later Eric and Ned arrive at Brent's Mardi Gras party before their wives and notice that only men are in attendance. Ned is eager to correct any misunderstanding with Brent and he tells him that he's straight. Brent assumes Ned is in denial about his sexuality and is ready to quit doing business with him, so Ned now tries to tell him that he is gay after all and in love with Eric. By the time Stacey and Amanda arrive at the party, Ned and Eric have done such a bad job of acting gay that Brent is sure that Ned is truly straight.moreless
    • Pals
      Season 1 - Episode 21
      Ned is working with Bobby Van Lowe, a smart-aleck "brat pack"-type actor (from the hit sitcom "Pals") who goofs his way though a series of public service announcements. Amanda jumps at the chance to sell a rich young actor some expensive real estate. While showing him a pricey co-op, Bobby takes a liking to Amanda and kisses her, which Ned accidentally sees. Amanda isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with Bobby, but she does want his and his friends' business, so she stars spending more time with him and even talks about putting off having her next child for a while. (Stacey, meanwhile, is predictably starstruck by Bobby.) Eric is confused until he gets the news out of Ned that Bobby kissed his wife. Expecting the worst, Eric confronts his wife and Bobby, accusing her of having an affair. Later Ned finds himself in the unusual position of trying to comfort a drunk and distraught Amanda.moreless
    • The Truth Shall Set You Back
      The Truth Shall Set You Back
      Season 2 - Episode 17
      With the finalization of the divorce approaching, Stacey is going to have to deal with telling her parents. Ned meanwhile doesn't want to give up his relationship with his in-laws and is making plans to be Saul's first mate at a boating regatta. Eric feels left out as a son-in-law compared to Ned. Stacey gets Ned to agree to her plan to break the news to her parents, but when she does, Ned acts as if he's hearing about it for the first time. Eventually Stacey gets Ned on the same page with her, but Saul and Ellen are shaken. When Ellen tells Amanda that she and Saul won't be moving to Florida because they should stay near Stacey at this critical time, Amanda blurts out that the marriage was a sham all along. The Colberts are devastated by this news and feel betrayed by their daughter Stacey. She tries to pull her mother out of her funk by telling her that Amanda is pregnant--which she isn't. Eric now gets his much-hoped-for opportunity to be Saul's first mate at the regatta. Both of them turn out to be terrible seamen and the boat begins sinking. The situation isn't helped any by the drunken stowaway Ned.moreless
    • Gut Feeling
      Gut Feeling
      Season 1 - Episode 20
      Ned keeps ignoring chest pains despite everyone's warnings. Even when he finally sees a doctor, he totally rejects the idea that he needs surgery on his gall bladder. While performing as Leonard the rodeo clown at Howard's birthday party, he suffers an acute pain attack and is hospitalized. It's obvious he also has a fear of hospitals and is terrified that he may die in surgery. While on the operating table, his vital signs flatten out and he appears to be having a near-death experience. He runs toward a voice and a bright light, until he sees that it's Stacey calling him. The patient makes a miraculous recovery.moreless
    • Thanksgiving Day Massacre
      Thanksgiving Day Massacre
      Season 1 - Episode 10
      For once, things seem to be going well during a Colbert holiday gathering. Ned is cooking Thanksgiving dinner and is determined to have everything just perfect. But it all begins to fall apart soon enough. When Ned sends Stacey and Eric out in search of cranberry sauce, a series of events ensue that sees Eric and Stacey stuck in Manhattan unable to get back to her parents' house, Saul and Ellen going to see her long-estranged sister to attempt a reconciliation, and Ned and Amanda stuck in his car in the snow, where they almost have a "moment." Back at the Colbert's house, only Aunt Ceil remains with the Moyers' son Howard, who is stuck listening to her old show-biz stories.moreless
    • Fifteen A-Minutes
      Fifteen A-Minutes
      Season 2 - Episode 8
      Ned wants to shoot a television commercial to promote Amanda's Amuffins. He dresses Amanda in gingham and puts her in front of the camera where he tries to get her to project a wholesome, folksy persona. After endless takes Amanda blows her stack and starts berating her imaginary TV audience, shouting at them to "Just buy the damn muffins!" Ned edits together a commercial consisting of Amanda's rants and it airs on late-night television. Amazingly, it becomes a big hit. The muffin shop is now full of customers, most of whom implore Amanda to yell them just like in the commercial. She becomes a new pop culture hero in New York and gets invited on a local TV show. But Amanda finds out that the job of being abusive all the time is too much even for someone of her acerbic personality.moreless
    • Pilot (aka Ned and Stacey)
      Pilot (aka Ned and Stacey)
      Season 1 - Episode 1
      Stacey Colbert, a young freelance writer who has worked for the "Village Voice," runs into Ned Dorsey by chance at a restaurant bar. Ned is a successful advertising account executive who is bombastic, pompous and definitely more than a little off-center. In the course of a brief conversation she is totally turned off by him. Stacey sees her sister Amanda, who hopefully will be able to introduce her to a nice guy, but she's horrified to find out that Ned is the unlikely best friend of Amanda's husband Eric, who works at the same ad agency as Ned. During the dinner conversation Stacey is outraged by Ned's amoral, ruthless attitude toward his work and life in general and she gives him a piece of her mind before stalking off, ending their blind date. At his job, Ned's boss Spencer tells him he can't award him a promotion because he's not married (their conservative clients like "family men.") Ned lies to Spencer, saying his own wedding is planned for a short time later. Ned gets his promotion he wanted instantly. A few days later, as Stacey suffers through a night in front of the television with her parents, she is shocked to see an underwear commercial, the copy for which is a word-for-word quote of her rant to Ned a few evenings before. Fuming, she goes by his apartment to tell him off. In the middle of her rant she notices how wonderful his centrally-located Manhattan apartment is. She says she desperately needs a place like this to operate out of to advance her writing career. Ned then makes a totally unexpected offer: marry me. He explains that his situation to her, but gives her scant time to think about it, because if she doesn't say yes, he's planning to go out that night and find someone who will. So despite the fact that the two don't like each other's personalities, beliefs, ideals, etc., they agree to a two-year marriage of convenience in which Stacey will fulfill the role of a businessman's wife at various functions, but it will be a genuine marriage in no other way except legally. Ned hands Stacey a front door key, a laundry room key and an engagement ring, then leaves the apartment--with an admonition to her not to lose the laundry room key. The two are wed in a rather uncivil ceremony. But Stacey's parents, especially her mom, are ecstatic about their long-unmarried daughter getting hitched to an up-and-comer like Ned. But after the ceremony a distraught Stacey is convulsed with sobs. She tells Ned (about to leave for a date with a server he met at the reception!) she can't go through with this sham, she wants a divorce. Ned angrily tells her he's holding her to her commitment. In their ensuing argument he lets it slip that despite their seeming incompatibility and maybe even loathing of each other, he might still like her. Ned decides to stay in and watch the Knicks game, and the incongrous pair wind up seated on the couch staring at the TV, Stacey still clad in her wedding dress.moreless
    • I Like Your Moxie
      I Like Your Moxie
      Season 2 - Episode 18
      It's nervous times at the agency with a new board of directors installed, and they want Ned to prove his worth by creating a catchy campaign for a client's product--sponges. A fire at work forces Ned and his creative team to work at his apartment. Eric and Amanda are at a hotel continuing with their task of trying to get her pregnant, while Stacey babysits Howard at their apartment. The couple returns home, though, after Eric refuses to cross a picket line at the hotel. Stacey's slobbish ways have resulted in a cockroach invasion, so she returns to her apartment with the Moyers in tow. Amanda and Eric immediately commandeer a bedroom and get back to work. But it's hard for Ned and the team to get any work done, especially with Jeannie admiring Eric's heroic efforts in the bedroom. The next day at the meeting with the client Ned still has nothing. The clients are about to leave dissatisfied, but some tossed-off remarks by Ned result in some slogans he likes for some of their other products, like guided missiles.moreless
    • Prom Night
      Prom Night
      Season 2 - Episode 9
      Amy, a young employee at Amanda's Amuffins, has a crush on Ned. She asks him to go with her to a street festival one evening. Ned, obsessing over some Cuban bananas he's bought, absentmindedly says yes. When the evening arrives Amy is working late waiting for Ned to arrive. He does, but he's got that night's female conquest accompanying him. Upset, Amy is ready to quit her job. Amanda tells Ned she's not about to lose her best employee and threatens Ned with violence if he doesn't work things out with Amy. Ned apologizes and agrees to go out with Amy--to her high school prom! Ned and Eric arrive with Amy and her friend Alice. Eric enjoys himself, but Ned seems rather bored and inattentive to Amy, until popular girl Heather insults Amy and her "grandfather." Ned then vows that he'll make Amy the Prom Queen. Drinking large quantities of spiked punch, Ned begins wholesale bribery of voters and generally makes a spectacle of himself. They don't win Prom Queen and King (a tearful Eric and his date do that), but Amy comes out of it making new friends--and dumping Ned. Meanwhile, Stacey and Amanda spend a not-so-wonderful evening watching Stacey's choice of a video rental, "The Piano."moreless
    • Model Husband
      Model Husband
      Season 1 - Episode 5
      Ned and Stacey are having dinner at the Moyer's house. Ned has tickets to see the Knicks, but Amanda tells Eric he can't go, that he has to watch their son Howard that night. Ned argues with Amanda but she's adamant, making it seem like Eric is just a little bit henpecked. At work the next day, Ned is going over a storyboard with supermodel Alexa Miroslav, who he has hired to appear in a commercial the agency is doing for a client's sport truck. Eric comes into the office and nervoulsy meets Alexa. While alone with her for a time, his fumbling manner charms her. In the limo on the way to the client's party, Stacey is talking on the phone, eating caviar, and generally acting like a rube. Ned makes a stop to pick up Eric, who is still being nagged by Amanda. In the few minutes Ned is inside, Stacey strikes up a conversation with Alexa, who has very simple lines in the commercial: "Hey, stranger. What took you so long?" But Stacey, veteran of two acting classes in college, fills Alexa full of talk about method acting, motivation and subtext. The result is that when Ned comes out to the car, he now has a supermodel who delivers her lines in a wildly overemotional fashion. After the party at which Alexa has made a drunken spectacle of herself, Ned, Eric and Stacey bring the model back to her hotel room. Her confidence is totally shot, for which Ned rightfully blames Stacey. Alexa wants Eric to spend the night with her for support, and Ned implores him to to it. Eric calls Amanda to tell her the plan. She can hardly believe what she hears and orders Eric home. Eric gets indignant, and tells his wife he will be home "when work permits." By the next morning Eric has not returned home, something which Amanda blames on Ned's influence. At the commercial shoot, director Ned is harried--he's done over 80 takes with his overwrought supermodel, none of them even close to good. Frantic, Ned wants Eric to talk to Alexa. Amanda arrives onset to find her husband with the model. The husband and wife talk out their frustrations and reconcile. Ned suggests Alexa say her lines as if talking to Eic, who stands just off-camera. She does, and the take is a good one. Ned is ecstatic, and plants a big kiss--on Eric! which prompts Amanda to tells her husband, "You are really gonna have to spend less time with him."moreless
    • Where My Third Nepal is Sheriff
      Where My Third Nepal is Sheriff
      Season 2 - Episode 11
      Eric and Ned are at the airport about to leave for a vacation in Nepal when Eric timidly backs out of the trip. At the muffin shop, Amanda is preparing to take the weekend off to spend with her visiting old friend Wendy. Stacey petulantly asks why competent employee Cynthia is being put in charge of the shop instead of her and Amanda mollifies her by saying she can be boss, with a wink to Cynthia. Amanda is eager for Wendy to meet her husband and sings his praises, but when she gets home she finds Eric an emotional wreck, lying on the couch covered with food and endlessly replaying a videotape of Ned taunting him from Nepal. Meanwhile Stacey runs off Cynthia with her petty bossiness and she and the hapless Chazz wreak havoc on the shop, ending up with a couple of feet of standing water on the floor.moreless
    • Take My Wife, Please
      Take My Wife, Please
      Season 1 - Episode 3
      Amanda and Eric enter their regular restaurant, folowed by Ned and Stacey, arguing as usual. Stacey bumps into an Englishman and is charmed by him immediately. At the table, Ned encourages Stacey to approach the man, and the others agree that a new relationship might help Stacey's disposition out. She introduces herself to the guy, Nigel Davies, and makes a date with him. Later, before their date, Stacey is almost too nervous to go, but Ned re-dresses and re-accessorizes her and sends her on her way. The date goes well, we surmise, because the next thing we see is Stacey and Nigel in bed. Stacey tells him she's married, but before she can explain about her and Ned's true relationship, he tells her it's all right, they can manage, and in fact he makes a clandestine love affair sound so romantic that she doesn't tell him the truth about her "fake marriage." Two weeks later, as Ned and Stacey are about to leave for her parents' home, she is still walking on air. When they get there, Saul and Ellen notice how "relaxed" their daughter is. Stacey tells Amanda that Nigel may be "the one," but she still hasn't admitted the truth to him. Later Stacey has Nigel over to the apartment for the weekend while Ned's out of town. But while they're in the sack one night, Ned comes home early. Nigel is frantic, wanting to escape, but Stacey tries to play down the situation. Ned "catches" the couple on the balcony. After a fumbling, preposterous explanation by Nigel, Ned seems unconcerned. Nigel senses something isn't right about the situation, and leaves confused, after which he breaks it off with Stacey.moreless
    • Paranoia on the 47th Floor
      Paranoia on the 47th Floor
      Season 1 - Episode 15
      Ned is worried about a hotshot young executive the company has hired, especially when Clay reminds Pat Kirkland about the company's mandatory vacation policy, which Ned hasn't been following. Kirkland insists Ned take two weeks off, during which time Ned is sure that Clay will solidify his position in the company at Ned's expense. His paranoia turns to mania as he can't quit obsessing about what Clay is doing, even when he's at a tropical resort. Returning home, Ned is a beaten man who is ready to give up, but Stacey reminds him of his old "immoral, unscrupulous" self, and encourages him to go fight and retake his position in the company.moreless
    • Cover Story
      Cover Story
      Season 1 - Episode 4
      Ned is angry at Stacey for coming home late and she's fuming too--her hard-hitting expose piece for the Soho news didn't make the cover and was edited down to one sentence! Ned pushes her to get ready for a function with a client: ice-cream mogul Marshall Balaban is presenting a large donation to the environmental organization Green Planet. At the presentation Eric brings in the giant oversized check, whacking one or two people in the head on the way. While making conversation, Les MacDowell's wife Bernadette intimates to Stacey that Balaban has some sordid secrets about his business dealings. Stacey goes to work on Les, using her charms to pump him for information. Les spills the story about Balaban's illegal dumping, use of hormones in his cows, etc. At the restaurant later after the function, Stacey tells Ned about what she's learned. Ned doesn't seem to mind at all that she will submit an article about it. Stacey drops by Eric's cubicle ad the ad agency, gets a couple of company rosters, and goes to work on her expose. When it's finished, she shows it to Ned. He's impressed at how good it is--and alarmed too. He says it will ruin his career at the agency. The reason he was so unconcerned before was that he was sure Stacey's article would never see print. Later at the restaurant, Eric rushes in to tell Ned that Les is on his way down, furious about the published article. Les is furious all right, not just because of the bad publicity about a client, but because Stacey used him. He tells Ned he will finish him off at the agency, but using a little judicious blackmail, Ned actually gets Les to go to bat for him! Ned doesn't get fired, but he does get taken down a peg or two at work. Surprisingly, he finds that he isn't mad at Stacey over the whole affair.moreless
    • Computer Dating
      Computer Dating
      Season 2 - Episode 4
      Billionaire computer wank Bob Gardner likes Ned's proposed commercial for his Omegatron computer and he also likes Stacey when Ned introduces her. Bob asks if Ned has any objection to him seeing her, since the two are getting divorced. Ned gives his assent and arranges a date with Stacey. At the muffin shop Ned sets up an Omegatron and Eric is irresistably attracted to its sultry female voice. Suddenly there is an awful lot of bookkeeping to be done at Amanda's Amuffins. Stacey's date with Bob goes well and he thinks she's just brilliant. Stacey offhandley comes up with an idea for the Omegatron commercial and Bob loves it. Ned argues strongly against it, but Bob wants to use Stacey's idea over Ned's. Full of resentment, Ned directs the "kitty" commercial based on Stacey's idea. The ad is loved by people all around the world and sales of the computer jump dramatically, much to Ned's chagrin. What's worse, the ad is nominated for a Clio award. At the banquet, Ned's prayers seem to be answered when another ad wins the award, but the recipient promptly gives it to Ned. Ned then tries to give the award away to any other nominee who will take it, but no one will. Back at the muffin shop, Eric feels as if he's been cheating on Amanda with the sexy-voiced computer and vows never to do "bookkeeping" again.moreless
    • Sex, Lies and Commercials
      Sex, Lies and Commercials
      Season 2 - Episode 12
      Diana Huntley, the creative director of competing ad agency Klein Abernathy, comes into the muffin shop to place an order, belittling Eric behind the counter in the process. Ned sees an opportunity for some corporate espionage and assumes a ridiculous Scottish accent, telling her he'll deliver the muffins personally. When he gets to her office he pumps her for information about an account. Based on that, Ned pitches her idea to a client, who finds it grossly offensive. Having fooled Ned, she comes by his office to gloat, but recognizing a kindred spirit, she suggests a relationship. They begin one, but even so Diana steals away Ned's creative team. Ned has fooled her, though, as she has actually hired three incompetents from the muffin shop. They have a violent argument following this, ending in a torrid embrace and passionate kisses.moreless
    • Threesome
      Season 1 - Episode 12
      At a restaurant Amanda runs into an old acquaintance, Sam, who she introduces to Ned and Stacey. The couple hits it off with Sam and both make dates with him. Stacey is romantically interested in Sam, but Ned still desires his companionship and they wage a battle for Sam's mind and heart.moreless
    • Here's to You, Mrs. Binder
      Here's to You, Mrs. Binder
      Season 1 - Episode 7
      At a birthday party for Stacey and Amanda's father, Ned meets the recently widowed Lucy Binder, the best friend of the girls' mother. The sisters aren't too crazy about Mrs. Binder but Ned finds they share an interest in hoticulture and they begin to click right away. They go to her greenhouse to check out her flowers. Ned invited her to the upcoming Renaissance Fair. She accepts, then demurs--then they both fly into each others arms and kiss. Some days later Stacey and Amanda are at the apartment when Ned comes in walking on air and being nice to everyone, including his combative sister-in-law. Stacey knows the cause of Ned's good humor is whoever he's dating, but Ned won't identify her. Later Stacey and Amanda go out shopping with her mother and Mrs. Binder. When Ellen goes to the bathroom, Lucy guiltily and tearfully tells Stacey she's having an affair with Ned. When Stacey gets home she lays into Ned (who is in full Renaissance garb) for toying with this woman, the best friend of her mother. Ned says the affection is genuine and he'll keep up the affair. He meets Lucy, also dressed for the Fair, at the greenhouse. But Mrs. Binder, unaware of Ned and Stacey's true relationship, can't carry on the affair any longer. Ned returns home depressed. Eric tries to cheer him up unsuccessfully, but Stacey does a little bit better of a job when she promises to help soothe his worries with hot chocolate and tequila.moreless
    • New Year's Eve
      New Year's Eve
      Season 1 - Episode 14
      Ned and Stacey are particularly irritated with each other this New Year's Eve, so Stacey is happy to accept a last-minute date from one of a pair of brothers she once met on vacation. Unfortunately, she can't remember whether this one was the rich, interesting one or the dud. Ned doesn't put up much of a fight, even though it means Stacey won't be available for "wife duty" at his party that night. It isn't long into the date before Stacey finds out that Don is not the brother she was hoping for. Meanwhile Ned has to fend off questions about Stacey's whereabouts and the best he comes up with on the spot is that she's at the hospital with her brother who is suffering from scurvey. His guests insist he go spend the holiday evening with her. Eric and Amanda return to their home in an amorous mood which is broken when they find Ned killing time in their bedroom, and they evict him. Don senses Stacey's disappointment and lets her cut the evening short. She returns to the apartment to find guests who assume she missed Ned in passing at the hospital and insist she go to him. As Stacey leaves the building, she runs into Ned on the street. While partygoers inside count down the old year, the two share a drink of champagne while huddling against the cold.moreless
    • It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Eric
      It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Eric
      Season 2 - Episode 7
      Ned comes over to Eric's with plans to sneak into the new movie "Turbine Man," but Eric wants to prepare for his big presentation the next day. At that presentation, Ned puts on a very entertaining show and promises to take the clients to meet supermodels, but first Eric gives his very dry and dull report on the accounting numbers. Ned breaks up the presentation by shooting foam darts at Eric and taking the clients away in search of the promised models. Out to dinner with their wives that night, Ned and Eric argue. Eric is furious with Ned for the way he humiliated him and stalks out on the dinner with Amanda. Later Ned comes by the Moyer house, but he finds Eric playing poker with a new bunch of guys and he pointedly refuses to accept Ned's peace offering. Stacey comes home to find Ned putting on a big party with his supposed friends, a motley crew including Cornelius the doorman, Nate and Chazz from the muffin shop, Will (a cabdriver he just met), and Alex Trebek. The party is incredibly dismal and Ned is so lonely he goes to the muffin shop after hours to see if Amanda is up for anything. Meanwhile Eric is finding that his new friend Danny is not such a good match. A cautious person like himself, Danny won't coerce Eric into doing anything exciting like Ned will. Eric and Danny see Ned and Alex Trebek outside the theatre playing "Turbine Man," where Ned is trying to coax Alex Trebek into breaking in with him. Old friends Ned and Eric realize they were meant for each other, while Danny and Alex go off in search of folk dancing.moreless
    • Promotional Rescue
      Promotional Rescue
      Season 1 - Episode 17
      When a department head's job becomes open at the ad agency, Amanda encourages Eric to pursue it aggressively, but Eric has his usual laissez-faire attitude. Amanda asks Ned to put in a good word for Eric with their boss Kirkland. Eric gets the promotion, but at the first big budget meeting he attends on he won't sign off on Ned's extravagant presentation for a major account. This causes hard feelings between Ned and Eric, and during an argument Ned lets it slip that Eric only got the promotion through his intercession. Eric is angered by this, but feeling helpless he agrees to back up Ned's budget proposal. Ned presents a horrible bloody "morphing" commercial to the client, who promptly walks out. Eric's career as a department head also ends swiftly.moreless
    • Saved by the Belvedere
      Saved by the Belvedere
      Season 2 - Episode 10
      Stacey brings home the final divorce papers and finds Ned in front of the TV giving Eric and Amanda a tutorial on the virtues of Mr. Belvedere. Ned is excited that he's going to meet the former star of the show and perhaps sign him to endorse a client's product, "Cappuccino in a Can." When Ned visits him, he finds the man with much the same personality but living in a cheap apartment full of what appear to be stolen goods. "Belvedere" thanks Ned for his interest but doesn't believe the public cares about his character anymore. Ned plays his trump card as he's fixing to leave--he says the commercial will go to Tony Danza instead. Mr. Belvedere digs out his old clothes from the show and agrees to film the commercial. On the set, Belvedere messes up his lines and causes $75,000 worth of delays. At home that night, Amanda is surprised to find Mr. Belvedere in the bathroom. Eric is keeping him overnight, and Belvedere dispenses his patented sitcom wisdom to Eric, who takes on the role of Wesley, the child in the family. On the set the next day he's giving advice to a crew member about expressing his love--for Ned. Ned throws Stacey off the set for fawning over Belvedere, then starts the shoot again. When the results are as bad as the day before, Ned realizes he has a former TV star on his hands who has only a passing acquaintance with reality. Back at the Moyer's home, the pet hamster has died. Their son Howard takes it OK, but Eric needs to have the facts of life and death explained to him by Belvedere. Amanda is sick of Belvedere's homespun homilies and blows her top. On the set Ned asks Stacey why she missed their court date and she answers him in "Belve-speak." Ned is getting frantic as Belvedere now refuses to drink the product. He calms down and reminds Belvedere about legally binding contracts and illegal fencing operations. As the episode ends, Ned and Stacey are watching the commercial on TV--done by Tony Danza.moreless