Ned and Stacey Season 1 Episode 18

Ned: Hey, it's your fault. You're the one that told me to go down and get her a "cab."
Stacey: Oh, is that how you get someone a cab? Next time, watch our doorman. He does it without getting naked.
Ned: Then he's not doing it right.

Ned: What is it Stacey?
Stacey: It's just this friend of mine, from high school is coming over tonight. I need you to pretend to be my husband.
Ned: Well, that is just sick.

Ned: Good evening to you, Mrs. Porter
Mrs. Porter: My, Mr. Dorsey, you're in high spirits tonight.
Ned: Well, yeah, going to have me some sex!

Ned & Stacey's breakfast conversation:
Ned (squirming uncomfortably): I need to have sex.
Stacey: Well. don't look at me.
Ned I wasn't looking at you, I was looking at Mrs. Butterworth. And might I say she's lookin' damn busty this morning!
Stacey: "So what's the trouble, Ned? Are your charms wearing thin on our city's video store clerks and other assorted bimbi?
Ned I am chock full of charm, darlin', don't you worry your purty little head about that. It's just that, everyone hits an occasional barren stretch of highway. Look who I'm tellin'.
Stacey: Look Ned, if you're so 'uncomfortable,' why don't you just...you know.
Ned You'd like me to go blind, wouldn't you?

Stacey: I should have played the lead in West Side Story, but no, Janine got to play Maria! I was stuck playing Girl with Switchblade!