Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide

Season 1 Episode 5

Crushes / Dances

Aired Saturday 8:00 PM Oct 10, 2004 on Nickelodeon

Episode Fan Reviews (6)

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  • Ned tries to dance with Suzie, but just asking her to the dance is hard enough.


    Backpack boy has a crush on Claire, and blindly follows her into a locker door. Ned then appears to introduce the episode, with the Huge crew adoring him off the side of the screen. Ned introduces us to the three kinds of crushes:

    TYPE 1: Way out of your league (e.g. Cookie's crush on Martika)

    TYPE 2: Someone likes you but you don't like them (Moze thinks Coconut head likes her)

    TYPE 3: You like them but you don't know if they like you and sometimes when you see them, you babble like an idiot. (e.g. Ned's crush on Suzie) Insert title slide here.

    Ned is discussing his crush on Suzie with Cookie, who tells Ned to ask her out. Right on cue, they walk past Mr. Monroe, who is putting up a poster for a "school sanctioned social event that kids take dates to", i.e. a dance. Ned is afraid and doesn't want to ask Suzie out unless he knows Suzie likes him, but Cookie has written a computer program to take love out of the equation. Cookie tries the program on himself, and while the program is correct the first time around (but this takes until Season 3 to happen), Cookie is determined to be paired with Martika and starts tweaking the program.

    Ned tries to get help from Moze anonymously, but Moze is smart and knows he is talking about his own crush on Suzie. Ned begs Moze to find out if Suzie likes him, but Moze is too busy hiding from Coconut Head. Gordy appears briefly to whisk her away, leaving Ned by himself.

    Ned introduces us to the direct approach, but after observing Backpack Boy's attempt, decides to try some indirect approaches. He starts with running all over campus in order to pretend to randomly bump into Suzie, but it proves too tiring. He turns again to Cookie, but the program is working even worse than before.

    Suzie runs into the boys and hides behind them just as Coconut Head arrives, with roses. After Coconut Head leaves, she explains that she doesn't want to hurt Coconut Head's feelings, so she is trying to hold out until Seth asks him first. Again Gordy appears to whisk her away.

    Mr. Monroe makes an announcement that whoever volunteers to help out with the school dance will get to skip class, so when Ned sees Suzie volunteer, he jumps at the opportunity. Things start off perfectly, but it doesn't last long as Ned spills fruit punch on her, gets glue and confetti all over her, and pulls a ladder out from under her, leaving her hanging.

    Still not sure, Ned turns to Claire, who hands him a thick stack of "Do you like me?" documentation. Claire warns Ned that he would be much better off just asking her. Ned and Gordy stuff the heavy document into Suzie's locker, but when Suzie opens it, it flies out and lands right in front of Ned. Ned and Gordy flee.

    Ned runs into Moze, who is hiding in a trash bin. Moze asks Ned to tell Coconut Head she doesn't like him, but it turns out that Coconut Head wanted to ask Moze if she would go to the dance with Seth, not himself. Seth gives up and decides to ask Suzie to the dance instead, leaving both Ned and Moze crushed.

    Hoping for something to cheer them up, they turn to Cookie, who is about to run his program again. Cookie ends up paired with a Siberian Husky.



    Everyone is arriving for the dance. Ned is a reporter, but when Seth arrives alone and improperly dressed and Suzie dumps him, Ned flees his post and makes it his mission to dance with Suzie before the night is over. Inside, Ned, Cookie, and Gordy all announce their plans (dance with Suzie, dance with Martika, and catch the weasel). Moze thinks they're all crazy, but naturally, none of them listen.

    The dance starts and Ned tries to dance with Suzie, but Seth returns in a new outfit and Suzie takes him back. This only lasts for 5 seconds, however, giving Ned a second chance, but again Seth is quick to fix things and she takes him back again. Meanwhile, Gordy lands in the cake trying to catch the weasel and Cookie hacks into Martika's limo to change her destination.

    Seth steps on Suzie's foot, so cue chance #3. However, he gets stalled by Moze and runs into the Huge crew, and Suzie takes Seth back, so another chance ruined. Meanwhile, Cookie's program is still pairing him off with the husky, Lisa wants to dance with Cookie, and the weasel is still on the loose. The Siberian husky arrives (instead of the wolf Mr. Monroe ordered, don't ask why). The dog immediately falls for Cookie.

    Ned is still trying to dance with Suzie, and notes to Gordy (who is still weasel hunting) that Seth loves his basketball more than Suzie. Moze once again urges Ned not to let his quest to dance with Suzie ruin his whole night. Martika arrives for what she believes is a photo shoot, but gets attacked by the husky.

    Gordy notices the Ned situation and decides to help. He gets rid of Seth's basketball, and Seth runs out of the gym chasing it, causing Suzie to break up with him for good. Ned finally gets his chance to dance with Suzie, but decides to make it a group dance instead. Ned finally adds Moze's tip to the guide: "Have fun, don't have super-high expectations, and go with the flow."
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