Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide

Season 1 Episode 3

Teachers / Detentions

Aired Saturday 8:00 PM Sep 26, 2004 on Nickelodeon
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Episode Summary

Teachers / Detentions
Teachers: Ned clashes with Mr. Sweeney and realizes how to get an A, by doing the work! Moze has a new student teacher in math, and devises a plan to get the students to listen to him. Cookie is distracted by the beautiful Ms. Enstile and tries to control his affection toward her.

Detentions: Ned, Cookie and Moze are sent to detention for various reasons. Moze gets out of it by helping out Coach Dirga. Cookie and Ned fear the bad kids in the back row.moreless

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Dave Florek

Dave Florek

Mr. Chopsaw

Guest Star

Linda Cevallos

Linda Cevallos

Miss Enstile

Guest Star

Charles Chun

Charles Chun

Mr. Dren

Guest Star

Steve Bannos

Steve Bannos

Mr. Combover

Recurring Role

Mary Bogue

Mary Bogue

Nurse Hunsucker

Recurring Role

Don Creech

Don Creech

Mr. Sweeney

Recurring Role

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (4)

  • QUOTES (12)

    • Ned: I've tried everything to get on Mr. Sweeny's good side: compliments, beverages, and even dressing like him.
      Mose: Have you tried just doing the work?
      Ned: The work! (epiphany music)

    • (Mose and Ned are asking Mr. Chopsaw for advice on detentions)
      Ned: So, we gotta be strong like oak?
      Mr. Chopsaw: No, not we, she's oak, you're more like kindling.

    • (Sweeney is looking Ned´s work)
      Sweeney: Bigby?
      Ned: Yeah?
      Sweeney: Big "B". (he puts a big B in the project)

    • Ned: That guy looks like a psycho.
      Moze:How are we going to deal with a psycho?
      Ned: It takes a psycho to deal with a psycho.

    • Ned: I can't eat! I can't sleep!
      Moze: You can't sleep?
      Ned: I've been awake in every class.

    • (Lunch lady serving a girl)
      Lunch Lady: Be patient he'll call you.
      (Lunch Lady serving a boy)
      Lunch Lady: Don't you even think about doing that.
      (Ned comes to be served)
      Lunch Lady: Oh honey you got detention.
      Ned: What do you see lunch lady?
      Lunch Lady: Desperation and aviation
      Ned: What does that mean?
      Lunch Lady: I don't know it's in the peas.

    • Moze: We just got detention and we want to know what's it like?
      Loomer: It's a bad place Jennifer, a bad place.
      Ned: Why?
      Loomer: One word. 8th graders. (shows 8th graders beating kids up) Looks like Ned Bigby is going to be dead bigby. I hope things work out Jennifer

    • Sweeny: (about Cookie's paper airplane) You better not throw that. You don't think you can sneak a dangerous projectile past me?
      (Shows kids walking behind them carrying a projectile)

    • Cookie: So what do you think?
      Ned: It's a paper airplane.
      Cookie: No. It's THE paper airplane.

    • Bully: (mouthes to Ned and Cookie) My fist, your face.
      Ned: What? Could you repeat that?
      Bully: (A little louder) My fist, your face.
      Cookie: What? huh?
      Bully: (yells) MY FIST-!
      Mr.Sweeney: BE QUIET!

    • Cookie: I do what I want, when I want.

    • (On the way to detention)
      Moze: I'm oak
      Ned: I'm not
      Cookie: and I'm a bad man

  • NOTES (3)

    • Tips:
      - In detention, the teacher is your best friend. Stay close to the teacher (to avoid the bullies)
      - Don't do the crime if you don't want to do time.
      - With the Questioning Teacher, don't be afraid to raise your hand. For the Boring-and-could-the-clock-tick-longer-teacher, do anything to stay awake. For the Distracting teacher, focus on your notebook or keep your eyes on your work.
      - Don't kiss up, just do the work.
      - As a last resort, transfer to another class.

    • Running Gags: Cookie's paper airplane wreaking havoc.

    • The wood shop teacher apparently has a fake arm too. He ended up with it wrapped around a piece of machinery.


    • None: Visual only
      When the students are sitting in Moze's math class wearing protective panchos, you can barely see a student dressed as Gallagher in the back. Another student is dressed like Elvis.