Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide

Season 1 Episode 3

Teachers / Detentions

Aired Saturday 8:00 PM Sep 26, 2004 on Nickelodeon



  • Trivia

    • Crony, one of Loomer's henchmen, appears to really like sewing. This episode contains the first of many references to it. Mr. Monroe tells us he's the best cross-stitcher in the school!

    • According to Moze in this episode, her favorite subject is Woodshop followed by Math.

    • The bullies break Cookie's glasses, but a few scenes later, they are in one piece and on his head.

    • When Mr. Monroe is after the air plane, he whacks over the skeleton, but a few moments later, it's back up, and he hits down again.

  • Quotes

    • Ned: I've tried everything to get on Mr. Sweeny's good side: compliments, beverages, and even dressing like him.
      Mose: Have you tried just doing the work?
      Ned: The work! (epiphany music)

    • (Mose and Ned are asking Mr. Chopsaw for advice on detentions)
      Ned: So, we gotta be strong like oak?
      Mr. Chopsaw: No, not we, she's oak, you're more like kindling.

    • (Sweeney is looking Ned´s work)
      Sweeney: Bigby?
      Ned: Yeah?
      Sweeney: Big "B". (he puts a big B in the project)

    • Ned: That guy looks like a psycho.
      Moze:How are we going to deal with a psycho?
      Ned: It takes a psycho to deal with a psycho.

    • Ned: I can't eat! I can't sleep!
      Moze: You can't sleep?
      Ned: I've been awake in every class.

    • (Lunch lady serving a girl)
      Lunch Lady: Be patient he'll call you.
      (Lunch Lady serving a boy)
      Lunch Lady: Don't you even think about doing that.
      (Ned comes to be served)
      Lunch Lady: Oh honey you got detention.
      Ned: What do you see lunch lady?
      Lunch Lady: Desperation and aviation
      Ned: What does that mean?
      Lunch Lady: I don't know it's in the peas.

    • Moze: We just got detention and we want to know what's it like?
      Loomer: It's a bad place Jennifer, a bad place.
      Ned: Why?
      Loomer: One word. 8th graders. (shows 8th graders beating kids up) Looks like Ned Bigby is going to be dead bigby. I hope things work out Jennifer

    • Sweeny: (about Cookie's paper airplane) You better not throw that. You don't think you can sneak a dangerous projectile past me?
      (Shows kids walking behind them carrying a projectile)

    • Cookie: So what do you think?
      Ned: It's a paper airplane.
      Cookie: No. It's THE paper airplane.

    • Bully: (mouthes to Ned and Cookie) My fist, your face.
      Ned: What? Could you repeat that?
      Bully: (A little louder) My fist, your face.
      Cookie: What? huh?
      Bully: (yells) MY FIST-!
      Mr.Sweeney: BE QUIET!

    • Cookie: I do what I want, when I want.

    • (On the way to detention)
      Moze: I'm oak
      Ned: I'm not
      Cookie: and I'm a bad man

  • Notes

    • Tips:
      - In detention, the teacher is your best friend. Stay close to the teacher (to avoid the bullies)
      - Don't do the crime if you don't want to do time.
      - With the Questioning Teacher, don't be afraid to raise your hand. For the Boring-and-could-the-clock-tick-longer-teacher, do anything to stay awake. For the Distracting teacher, focus on your notebook or keep your eyes on your work.
      - Don't kiss up, just do the work.
      - As a last resort, transfer to another class.

    • Running Gags: Cookie's paper airplane wreaking havoc.

    • The wood shop teacher apparently has a fake arm too. He ended up with it wrapped around a piece of machinery.

  • Allusions

    • None: Visual only
      When the students are sitting in Moze's math class wearing protective panchos, you can barely see a student dressed as Gallagher in the back. Another student is dressed like Elvis.

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